I'v been looking up for topics just like mine but it seems mine is a bit more complicated, I have a friend called "Jane" for about 2 years, I met her from a good friend of mine "Adam", they were dating for about 8 months, And after that
We stayed friends and we even became best friend. He didn't care, he even liked the fact
He could trust me with her, I always knew she was attracted to me and I found her also very attractive, even when everyone thought there was something going on we felt safe telling the truth and saying its not true. We could be honest with our friends and most importantly with our self, I never saw us getting more serious than just friends because of the fact we were hanging out perfectly together and we didn't want to ruin our friendship and of course because my good friend "Adam". Long story short, 3 nights ago
I had a party at my place and after it was over and everyone left, she stayed with me, we listened to some music and talked, we were really drunk, I was sitting in front of her, and she was hugging me in a strange way, I really wanted to have sex with her that moment, and she just kept talking about herself and not having sex for a while so I was stupid enough to just say what was on my mind, and I just told her she can have sex with me with no pressure, and no commitment to anything.
It sounded perfect at the time, so she took my hand and we went to my room, in the morning we had some loughs and short talks and then she went off to her place. The thing is I wanted to keep it secret and she does too, but we forgot 2 of our friends were at the room next to ours and they saw us leaving my room. We agreed after that, that we had sex because of the alcohol and nothing more, even though I know its more than that she won't admit it.

How can I keep our friendship ?
What if I think there may be a slight possibility we can make a perfect couple but I am just too afraid to ruin it all with her and my other friends.
It's a little messed up I talked to her about it tonight for about 2 hours
And she said she regrets it, but she had a great time.
Her problem is living with the lie and she is afraid that if she won't talk
About it it will hunt her in the future, I can't let that happen, I know it was a mistake so we agreed to keep it a secret.
What now? Its messed up... I don't know if I want her as a Fbudy in secret or just two best friends like before. I know the right thing to do,
But its not what I really want... I think.

What about 'good friend Adam'?
Are they still together,or have they broken up?

Well I think you just told us right now that your friendship is wrecked. Why is it wrecked? Because now you want more than friends! Lol So until you are over her, and do not want to be more than friends, a true friendship will not work.
As far as pursuing her to be your girlfriend, so far she doesn't seem interested in doing that. If you haven't already pleaded your case to her, how much you do like her, maybe you should? I think she is going to deny it though right now, because that is where her mind is at, that she said it was a mistake.
Maybe you could try backing off, and not bringing it up at all EVER, and see what happens, you know if she really liked it(even though she says it was a mistake), if you continue to be friends, and just pretend that nothing happened. She just might want it again, but if she tells you she doesn't want more than friends, and you keep pressuring her, that you like her more than a friend, she will get pushed away.
So this is what I would do, have a nice chat with her, and tell her how you really feel, if she denys you, even if you think she really doesn't want to, let it be. Do not bring it up ever again, it will just push her away. (this is hard to do, and not everyone is capable of hiding there feelings)
If she likes you, but is just denying the fact that she does, and you continue to be her great friend, her feelings for you will eventually come out when she is ready. When a girl rejects you, but you think that she likes you, pleaing,begging, convincing only makes her reject you more. But being that guy , that made this woman fall for you, will make her rethink her decision. Do not continue to have drunk sex either, a person often regrets what they did when they were drunk, even if its something they wanted. Also being her drunk booty call is not going to get you anywhere, but probably more hurt.

It's clear as day she just wants you to be there when she's horny but has no interest in you for a relationship.

You are way to into her, given that she's not into you at all. You spent 2 hours trying talk her into your way of thinking and she gave you every excuse in the book. She wants to keep everything secret because she doesn't want word getting around that she sleeps around.

You need to quit talking to her at all.

I think she possibly wants to keep it a secret because her ex is a mutual friend.. and it could stir up a lot of drama. Its not like lucky194 was a pick up from the bar, they were close, and good friends, we don't know that she sleeps around

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Originally Posted by ;

What about 'good friend Adam'?
Are they still together,or have they broken up?

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amicon : They are not together for almost a year.

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Originally Posted by ;

have a nice chat with her, and tell her how you really feel, if she denys you, even if you think she really doesnt want to, let it be. Do not bring it up ever again, it will just push her away. (this is hard to do, and not everyone is capable of hiding there feelings)
If she likes you, but is just denying the fact that she does

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I'v tried to make her see it as a positive thing, hoping she would like
The fact we had sex, But she said she had a great time, and it was fun but
She would take it back, she added that if we weren't friends she would jump
On me every day over again, but I am like her bigger brother.
The thing is I don't think I really love her, I think I just care about her too much, But then again the thing is our sex wasn't meaningless in my eyes, other girls made me think its empty and just 'fun', but with her
It was weird I can't explain it, I just know sometimes I want to feel that again.

I don't know what was the right thing to say because it was a fragual moment that will decide the relationship, I guess by talking to her last
Night (We said it will be the only, Last time we will talk about that matter)
She is afraid things will change and that's why she wouldn't do it again,
She is afraid of losing me because of her previous friends that fell for her, and as she says I am just too much for her to lose.

From your last post it sounds like this has happened before,not so much the sex,but feelings developing from male friendships,she already knows the score here,even if you don't.

The rule normally is,once sex enters a friendship,things are never the same again,there is always a pink elephant in the room,with rules of course there are always exceptions...

Only time will tell if your friendship is the exception or the rule.

My advice,let it go,she may decide to slowly cull you from her life,or just pretend it didn't happen and try and move forward.

Being friends is difficult when one person has romantic feelings,idealy going no contact,and try and get over her is the best way to go.

Why do so many young people think that sex equals something more? It doesn't, its lust, and intense feelings, and complicates, and confuses things, and makes you get all carried away, because it felt good.

It happened, now get back to reality, and be a good big brother again, until the dust settles from the brain of the little head, and the big head can take back over.

From what you've told us, it seems like she's single, so I'm going to go with that.

The writing on the wall seems pretty clear. The fact that she wants to keep this whole ordeal a secret means that she doesn't really see you as the type of person she wants a romantic relationship with.

Sometimes when we have feelings for someone, we have a funny way of twisting the other person's actions into thinking that there might be something more.

But she had sex with you, you might say. Sounds more like a friends with benefits incident.

Furthermore, when she says that you're her "big brother" that's just another way of saying that she wants to keep you as a friend and nothing more.

Guys I guess I explained it kind of wrong, she doesn't care talking about it, I do because of "Adam", and other friends.
But I asked her not to, Thanks for the tips guys I think il go with
What talaniman said, its time to get back to reality.

Seriously, I don't think Adam will care. Have your relationship openly or don't have it at all. I don't think this girl cares either-way, but she could change the way she feels about you if you were more comfortable and not asking her to be secretive.

I have a good friend "Jane", I know her for about 2 years now,
I can say were best friends there isn't I day passing by we don't meet or talk, our situation is this : Since the first time I saw her I always was attracted to her, and no doubt she is attracted to me, In my personal experience with her I know she keeps guys around she only likes, About a month ago I got to a conclusion she is my type and it's a waste not to try
It out, so this one time I had a party over at my place and we were drunk, and we had sex, I though after that everything is going to change, the good thing is it didn't change, the bad thing is she is holding a distance from me, there was nothing wrong that night it was great I think she is holding her self with feeling towards me and she is afraid to show it.
We had many talks and when I fit them all as a big puzzle from small things
She said and I have learned about her she will never admit she has feelings
For me and she would like to take the next step.

How can I make my best friend look at me in more of a sexual way so
She can't hold it in anymore ?
Is there a manual for that?

You can't "make her" want you. You all slept together. Sometimes happens between friends. I say that if you really like her and want a relationship with her, then you sit down and tell her that. Get the feelings out there. I almost slept with one of my best friends one night. Then a week later I told her I was more into her than just sex. She blew me off and said she wanted a plutonic friendship. I felt like an a$$ but at least she knew how I felt. It was awkward for a while after that but we remained friends, then she screwed me over when I tried to help her. She tried to commit suicide twice so I let her stay at my house but she broke my rules so I asked her to leave. We are no longer friends.

I guess that's the thing with friends and trying to make things more then they are. Sometimes friends make the best lovers. Just tell her how you feel, if you truly feel that way

Well, what are you willing to risk?

Either she isn't interested like you think she is, and she's trying to distance herself from that mistake... or she is interested, but not open or aggressive about it, which you seem to think is possible based on your post.

Well, worst case scenario is she wants no part of that in your relationship. A person can be very attracted to another and not want to pursue sex. It happens. So here, if you push the issue, you might distance her more.

Other scenario... you think you know her well enough to know she won't show her feelings and that you'll have to take all the risk... mkay...

Well, again... either way, looks like its up to you to decide what is next, because she seems to be avoiding it.

Id probably address it and be done. I just don't like a lot of pretense, and if she is struggling with this, talking about it and moving on is better than letting it roam around until it suddenly comes up.

I don't know what to say about her never letting on how she feels about you. If this is true, then you are likely to be in this position always... even if together... you'll need to take the risks and you'll be the one off balance... which is OK if you can do that. Just think about this up front.

You say you know her and you know how she thinks. So... if that's true, then you shouldn't be so worried. If you are uncertain... well... again... I just don't like pretense. Its best to live in reality. Communicate.

That's just me.

But asking how to MAKE her care for you... it isn't ever going to happen. She feels how she feels.. maybe its strongly attracted and interested, maybe not. But don't ask how you can change a persons behavior.

You can change your behavior... not hers. If her behavior isn't what you want, and you aren't willing to risk the unknown, I have no answers for you.

Many a platonic friendship has been ruined by a drunken night of sex. She's probably embarrassed! Give her some space and if you're only wanting sex from her than you should consider her feelings.

Are you crazy or something?/ You can't make her feel anything for you.

But you can be honest and take a risk of telling you how you feel.

If you are afraid to risk the consequences of her rejecting you, keep your mouth shut, and forget about her in romantic terms.

Personally, I think you are under the influence of lust, brought on by a drunken night of sex. She told you how she feels.

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and she said she regrets it, but she had a great time.
Her problem is living with the lie and she is afraid that if she won't talk
About it it will hunt her in the future,

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I think she knows as well as you that as close of friends as you are, a night of drunken sex doesn't mean a relationship can happen, or if she wants it to. No doubt, she is as confused as you are so until the intense feelings fade and you both have a better idea what happened, you better be careful, and smart.

Think with the big head, and don't let the little head cause you more trouble than its worth.

With friends like you poor ADAM doesn't need enemies! Sex, Sex,Sex that's the thing you're worried about! Must have been your first time!

I lost my virginity during a half-drunken night with friends. I say half-drunken because they were drunk, but I was completely sober.

We were cleaning up after a party ended rather abruptly and unexpectedly (long story). Next thing I knew I was being kissed, my shirt was coming off, and I was being led to the bedroom.

The next morning we got woken up by the stack of plastic tubs we'd barricaded the door with being tipped over when someone tried to open the door. I fell out of bed and almost had a heart attack. We scrambled around putting our clothes back on, then went to go finish cleaning up from the night before.

We never really talked about it again. After a little bit of time, it just became a fact of the past. It didn't ruin the friendship. It didn't even really change the friendship, except that we now had a sort of inside joke. It became a running joke that they had taken my virginity.

Does it HAVE to ruin your friendship? no.

If you keep trying to turn into a romantic relationship, will the friendship be ruined? Yes. If it doesn't work out, then it'll be really hard to get past that. If it does work out, then the nature of your friendship is forever changed, even if the romantic relationship ends and you remain friends afterward.

What you need to do, if you want to save the friendship, is let the romantic feelings fall into the background. After awhile, it'll stop being awkward. You'll have moments where you look at each other and grin at comments others make, but it doesn't have to go beyond that.

I am going to give the young guy a break, because when sex is good, it lays on your mind real tough for a long time, and you wish you could get more of it.

Its not that easy being a guy.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I am going to give the young guy a break, because when sex is good, it lays on your mind real tough for a long time, and you wish you could get more of it.

Its not that easy being a guy.

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You are sooo funny! I mean that in a very good way!