I've dated this girl, for a few months we had our up and down. During that time we had a mini breakup for a month. She had this physiotherapist that she goes to for massage before we met. They started dating during our mini breakup. She told me he had a crush on her and ask her to go on a date so she did. After we got back together she still go to him for massage since he offered her free massage. I don't think this is right. I feel that she's not serious with me. How would you deal with a situation like this. I think it's OK if she doesn't know he like her but she is aware and still go I think this is an issue.

If it's an issue for you and it makes you feel uneasy talk to her about it and tell her how you feel , If she really cares for you I would think she'd consider switching physios if it's going to disrupt your relationship.

It bothers you,so talk to her about it.

If she cares about your relationship,finding another physio sounds like a better choice.

I did talk to her about it and told her to tell him that you have a boyfriend and stop talking to him because he still call her and she talks to him like they are really close. I see a lot of redflags though, for instance, she's closer to my friend than I am and he talk to her about his love problems which she told me about it but it doesn't help me any.

I agree with you that we have to talk about it but for some one who is 38 and has been through two marriages. I think she is mature enough to know that this is not right or maybe I just over reacted here. But I think she's exploring other options. If she's doing that then I need to pull the plug because in the end I'll be the one jumping out an airplane without a parachute. That's what it will feels like.

Tell her that you feel this is a deal breaker for you, and find out then how she views the relationship with her actions not her words.

In my opinion she is a someone that has been hurt in the past and seems that she is covering all bases. Let her know you are in it for the long run (if you are). It may just be that she is scared and as I say covering all bases, her feelings may change if she knows that she is secure in this relationship.

I am sure all of us has been hurt in the past. I don't want to be with someone who's looking around exploring option. That's weakness. You're either in or out.

So you need to be honest with yourself and decide what you should do.

You are only a couple of months into this relationship and you say there has already been ups and downs,plus a minibreak.

If she is indeed exploring other options,it seems to me that the red flags are too many.

Red Flags

New relationship, and a break already? What's that about.

Two divorces? Hmmm Makes me think about the kinds of choices she makes, or some other issues she may have.

She dates someone else on a mini break? (mini break?? ) new one on me.

She dates some one she has a business tie too? That was the killer along with the mini break.

Far to many bad signs for such a young relationship, if you can call it that.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I am sure all of us has been hurt in the past. I don't want to be with someone who's looking around exploring option. That's weakness. You're either in or out.

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Why was there a mini-break(?) shortly after your relationship began? Who instigated it? Were the issues that caused it fixed or ignored after promises were made? Are you both wanting the same things or are you wanting more of a commitment than she is?

I get the impression that the physiotherapist is only one of several problems. If you can't effectively communicate with each other and work together to build a relationship, then you both need to go your own ways and find partners who better suit your lifestyles.

She has two kids of her own, the break happens when we took the kids out to an amusement park. We spend the whole day at the park, the kids enjoyed the rides. I wasn't into rides so I went around by myself, she got upset and told me "why did you come with us and go on your own, you shouldn't have come". I got upset too because I don't think it's right that I have to sit around in the sun and wait for the kids. Maybe I am being selfish here. I can understand if we can find an activity that we can all do and have fun together.

I told her that we should be friends because I see problems that we could not resolve and she agrees. We didn't talk for a few weeks after that. I call her and come to pick up my stuffs. After I picked up my things and go home she called me and asked me if I want to go grocery with her which I agreed so we got back together and talk about that problem.

You didn't have a mini break you broke up. Then you got back together.

I can see both sides of the argument as far as the day at the amusement park went, I think it was rude of you to agree to go on an outing and then decide you would rather be alone, at the same I can see that it just wasn't for you.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you can see problems that can't or won't be resolved. In my opinion it's time to move on before you both get more invested. You don't seem to have or want the same lifestyles.

Correction, I didn't wander around the whole day by myself. I was with her and the kids most of the time. I wander off the last hour or two because there are a lot of thing there to see I didn't want to go there for nothing.


Would it be OK if I invite her and the kids to go and watch me having all the fun. I wouldn't do that I don't think it's fair.

Hey wait a minute here, as I said I see both sides. I'm not saying either of you were right or wrong.

I would say you both have your issues, and poor communications seem to be at the heart of all this, and maybe just another example of not being compatible.

Dating a woman with kids is tough. Talaniman, I like your quote below.

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

I feel like I am second best, the kids come first. I also agree that you want someone in your life to make your life better not worse.


Thank you all for your input

You're still in a new relationship and you are already expressing that you are jealous of the time she spends with the kids? Get serious! You say that a person should want someone in their life to make life better - not worse, so I'm assuming that you truly think the kids are detrimental to the relationship.

Do her a favor and move on. It's obvious that this relationship has no where to go. She deserves a good, loving, sharing man that will care about her and treat her kids as their own, not a man that acts like a kid himself.

A woman has to respect you, and this woman doesn't sound like she respects you or herself.

I think you need to move on, and build up some of your confidence and learn what your own boundaries are because you can't keep playing the what if game or make excuses game. She's either in the relationship or not, but if not cut her off.

Devorameira,


I am just quoting what wiseman Talaniman wrote under his postings.


Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.

Having a relationship should be a bonus to your life and should not be the only reason to be happy.



Doesn't "Having a relationship should be a bonus to your life" mean making your life better?

I am trying to search on this website about dating single mother, I found none about this. If what Talaniman wrote is true "Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs." then in my case I feel like I am an option not a priority.

Beside these problems, a guy can be on the hook for so many things because of the law.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Doesn't "Having a relationship should be a bonus to your life" mean making your life better?

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What that means is, you need to live your life for yourself. If you live to be 100 without a relatioship but it was a happy life then you succeeded. If you live to be 100 in a relationship that was miserable then why bother?

The bonus is the relationship. It can make your life better but if it makes it worse then you'd be better off alone.

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

I am trying to search on this website about dating single mother, I found none about this. If what Talaniman wrote is true "Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs." then in my case I feel like I am an option not a priority.

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Dating a single mother isn't overly complicated. Be nice to the kid, but never be the parent. If she starts asking to be the father tell her no.

The quote means exactly what it states. You've made her your priority, meanwhile she's got 20 other things in her life more important then you. Switch that around.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by hungtoronto

Beside these problems, a guy can be on the hook for so many things because of the law.

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Yes, the law is not fair to men. Not sure what that has to do with you though.

Chuff,


Not being the father meaning what? Not being a provider? Meet their needs? She has financial issue, she doesn't have any saving and are not willing to save, live beyond her means. The kids dads are not paying child support payments so she has to take care of the kids on her own. I feel if things get serious I'll have to provide for the kids.


Law is not fair to men, I mean potentially I have to pay child support but the kids are not mine.


Like I said, very complicated, too many unknowns.