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My boyfriend always seems to be so turned on by me always saying how beautiful and sexy and smart I am... all these qualities that I don't think are far from the truth but I'm not conceited or anything.. but I'm 5'7 slender body and curves with a pretty big/fat rear end that he seems to "worship" however I feel like whenever he mentions how other women look they are always a little thicker than me... and fyi they are usually celebrity women he never really says that about normal girls.. I don't know if its because he doesn't want to upset me? Or he's not really looking at them as much as women in the spotlight. He say's I look so much better than them and turn him on so much more because I'm "his" and I'm real? I mean I really try hard to look star quality as far as my figure goes, my hair and the way I look overall. Am I trying top hard, do I need not try at all? Does it really make a difference or not? What does he (really) want?

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

What does he (really) want?

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Ask him. Do NOT use the old one about "does this make me look ..." Ask him when you're wearing sweats.

I think he wants you. You need to stop questioning that. It is your own self esteem. Your issue here for some reason you do not think your good enough. Why is that do you think?

Men look at other women, celebrities or just ordinary women but the point is I am trying to make. Even if that is true. He is with you. Just because men comment about other women does not mean he to be with them.

He is with you. He wants you.

I guess when I was younger boys didn't really find me attractive. That stayed with me a bit. I have a unique look as I've been told many people think I'm very beautiful but also I want to be SEXY vixen like... it seems celebrities are like that... and is that what attracts them so. I don't really care if he looks at them I just would worry if he compares them to me like hmm wow that __ (some part of the females body) looks good I wish my girl had that... you know what I mean

He sounds very happy and fulfilled.
So I say,if it ain't broke don't try to fix it.
Sexy,in my opinion is self- confidence and knowing that real beauty comes from the person who dwells inside.I know that sounds trite but I have found that to be true.
Also less is more when it comes to sex appeal.Leaving something to the imagination is a turn on for men.

I see... I shall let that marinate in my head... So if I convey to him that I feel sexy he will think so too?

The way a person carries themselves has a big impact on how people will treat them!

If you believe that you're sexy, truly believe it, it will show in your actions and movement. Other people will believe it, too, even if they thought so in the first place!

But you know what? As long as you think you're sexy, hey! You win!

He already thinks your sexy.

I think you are comparing yourself to celebrity women too much. Your boyfriend seems to like you how you are.
You say that you are "beautiful and sexy and smart" yet you have an inferiority complex and want to be "star quality" for whatever that means.

Why are you insecure? All of this has to do with how you see yourself. If he tells you he finds you sexy, attractive and that you turn him on, then listen to him and take all of that as a compliment. Men don't speak in "code". We say what we mean... word for word. There is no need for interpretation.

So when he tells you those things, that is how he feels about you. So I wouldn't worry about not looking good enough for him.

Now for the looking at other women thing... we are guys. We will look. It's just how we are. If we are good guys worth keeping, we ALWAYS come home with the one we love and who we want to be with. PERIOD!

I'm a guy and I speak in code sometimes. It's a terrible habit, but I used to work in Intel and I learned to communicate in extremely subtle ways. Anyway, my last ex could have gained 30 pounds and I would have loved her just as much, although 31 and I would have invited her on a few runs :). Everyone is insecure about something or another (if you aren't, I think you should be committed). This is your demon, your looks. You will probably struggle with this for life. Keyword being struggle. Instead of focusing on your perceived weaknesses, try thinking about your attributes and for the love of god, don't compare yourself to anyone, ever. It's the unique combination of you he is attracted to. Maybe if you really thought you were hot stuff, you'd be impossible for him to be around.

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Originally Posted by j_ely823

My boyfriend always seems to be so turned on by me always saying how beautiful and sexy and smart i am...I see...i shall let that marinate in my head...So if i convey to him that i feel sexy he will think so too?

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Did you read what you wrote? He already does. You don't.

You'll drive yourself nuts and him out of the relationship if you never believe a word he says. You think too much.

Many people who have already read and responded to most of my threads have given me very helpful advice and believe it or not catalyzed my relationships progress to rebuilding the trust, communication, comfort. Etc However I am only 19 and I'm so committed and very much in love with my boyfriend, and he feels the same way. Due to the significant amount of relationships that do not last however because of long distance and the deficient maturity, my parents and I'm sure most people would say I'm settling to young or I should go and test the waters. But the point of dating is to find the qualities/attributes you would favor in a lifelong partner; I've done a little dating, I've had a fair share of experiences with members of the opposite sex, I've made a few mistakes in the whole dating arena but I feel like everything I ever wanted down to just the way he makes me laugh, is pretty much perfect. I say pretty much because No ONE is perfect. I accept that he has flaws but all the good far outweighs the bad its unbelieveable. He's pretty much had the same experiences as I , in regard to girls and dating , making mistakes. SO he's learned the major ones, as have I. We know what needs to be dealt with if we have a problem, and we aim to fix it as soon as possible. There have been many issues the past couple of months between us, now things are looking a lot brighter than they ever been, I know and truly know he loves me and I him. My only question is its only been a yr with him, and seven months almost eight apart(long distance) stuff, I feel like I'm ready to marry him if he would just pop the question which he said he already considers me his wife, because at on point we were living together. He said he would marry me once he's right out of school because he wants to be able to support and provide for me like a husband should, and that's fine I can't wait. The question is will love wait? Or more specifically do you think well be able to make it for another 2-3yrs with the same desire and love for each other? I've heard of people getting married really young--some last and some don't but I wonder if my relationship has what it takes to last?

What do you think is a good age to get married? WHat is the age contingent upon?

In your State, Province, or Parish, there is an age at which you are allowed to enter into contracts, own property, or get married. In English it is termed the "Age of Majority." The lawmakers have decided that you know enough by that age to be responsible for your own life.

If you rush to marriage because you are afraid of losing each other, your marriage is based on fear. If you wait until he's done with school, and find that love has left the two of you, chances are that would have happened even if you had gotten married. If you wait, nourish the relationship for as long as it takes, and get married when both of you are ready, you will have made your marriage out of your combined commitment. You decide if your relationship has what it takes to last.

It might seem that things just happen, but you make more than you realize through your day to day decisions.

Tao

To find a person who will love you for no reason,
and to shower that person with reasons, that is
the ultimate happiness. -Robert Brault (1938- )

If your guys' love doesn't wait then it's obvious that your marriage wasn't meant to be. If you both can't make it another 2-3 years with the same desire then there would be no way you both could make a whole lifetime. I'm not sure if anybody really knows if your relationship will last, things change and sometimes we can't predict things like that.

The legal age in your respective region.

Even if you guys have dated for 4-5 years, you are still teenagers and have much growing up to do. You might feel mature today, but there's so much ahead of you that other events in the future may change your personalities.

In the meantime, just continue to have fun with each other. Enjoy the time that you spend together. If your heart feels happy, then continue the relationship and remain faithful to each other. You should also continue to live your life and let him live his. Continue to grow together and if things work out, it will be great.

Just keep in mind that plans may not always turn out the way we want. Unexpected things can happen.

21 is normally a good age to get married, and/ or shortly after college or at least one of you has a sound secure job able to pay all the bills of daily living. *** not paying bills living with another person.