I am female and I have had boyfriends for the past six years. I have always had an emtional connection to people and I hate being alone and doing things alone, which I am working on. I fell in love with my lesbian best friend. We have been dating for the past 11 months and we just broke up because one day she said, " We have to stop pretending that you are gay, we are hiding the truth" Which I don't know what the truth is, I try to look around and picture myself with men and I look around and picture myself with women and that doesn't really help. I know that I have always had a sexual attraction to women but I don't know if straight women normally experience what I do. When I am in class I think about coming home and lying in bed naked with girlfriend, I love being in her arms, she treats me like a princess and we have an amazing connection. I didn't eat for 3 days once we broke up. I cryed for 3 days straight and just lyed in bed. I don't feel right not being with her, is this just a normal straight girls fantasy that I acted upon? Am I upset because of my emotional bond? Am I a lesbian?

Hello Nicole,

I don't think it's really a question if you are gay or straight... It sounds to me that you were falling in love with her. I don't understand why people need to slap a lable on it. Gay, straight , Bi, so on and so forth... You like her for who she is, and you can't help who you like. You said it yourself, she treats you like a princess. Falling for her doesn't mean that you are gay, because she happens to be a "Woman".

I am a straight woman... I have been interested in women before. I have also kissed a woman before. I believe that that is normal. Many women go through stages, where they are attracted to other women or kissed other women. It doesn't make them or myself gay, does it?

/sigh

I don't think ANYONE is 100% gay or 100% straight.

I think we ALL fall somewhere in the middle--but most lean more one way than the other.

ONLY you can know where you fall on the line.

If you are really confused, I suggest talking to your doctor or to a counselor about it.

Talking to a doctor would be great, I didn't think about that before, I am talking to a counselor at school. I think that it's more the fear of being judged, I wish I could go into a body of a women who knows that they lean more towards the straight side and see how they view men. I don't think that I'm straight... Let me ask this... When I was in about grade 5 and up when my girlfriends said "he's hot" I didn't care if I looked, if I did look I didn't see it, I didn't fantasize about being with a man physically, I just did it because it was socially accepted. Now when I am looking at porn I look at the woman, not the man. When I would have sex with a man I thought about women, and being with women. I visualize attractive women naked, not men... are these the thoughts of a straight woman? Or is this more then those "normal every straight woman thinks about it"??

"I just did it" when I was much older than grade 5 just to clear that part up lol

You sound to me like you lean more towards being a lesbian than being straight--but that's MY opinion, and really--it's YOUR opinion that counts.

I'm bi-sexual--I think about either sex when I fantasize. That doesn't mean I'm not faithful to my husband--i am--but it means that I know I'm sexually attracted to BOTH genders.

Here's the thing: There IS no such thing as "normal". Period. EVERYONE has some form of kink in them.

Why worry about labels?

Not putting a lable on it is what's confusing me because I think that too, like why does it matter? Then this is what happens. Someone says "Are you and her a couple" I say "yes" and then they said " so your gay" (because no one suspects I am very feminine looking) and I say "I don't know but i know that I love her so much and i want to be with her for my whole life, and who cares what I am" Then 1. My girlfriend questions me on that and 2. I just said I didn't know, so then in my head I feel back at the beginning like I don't know.
This is the only problem with that, and that's why I want to figure it out and I said that if me and her get back together were coming out to everyone as a couple so that there is none of that "I dont know" because that's why has be confused... ANY COMMENTS WOULD BE REALLLY APPRIECIATED!!

Hello again Nicole,

Ok, so I am going to pretend that I am you for a second, so bare with me on this...

This is how I would handle it... I would tell this woman that I have deep feelings for HER, not her gender! I love her for who she is! I want to be with her! I don't care what ANYBODY else thinks. They can ask all the questions in the world, and really, it's none of their business. PERIOD.

Your girlfriend shouldn't care either, because the real point here is that you two have feelings for each other.

Nicole, just relax and accept it for what it is, and stop worring so much if this make you gay! BTW, if it turns out that you are gay, then who cares! I appreciate women too as well as men, and I could careless what anybody else thinks or says!

It's what YOU think! Right?

Good luck.

Thank you for all of your imput. I think it's more a fear of being judged in my small town than it is debating if I'm gay or not. Over the past couple of days I have relaxed about that dilema and I think it's really that I am gay, I'm just wondering if it would be easier to settle for being with a man, because I have been with men before. It doesn't sicken me, I just would prefer to be with a woman.