I have been married for 2 years, together 9 total. I have been feeling like something has been missing between us for a while, and lately I have been getting attention from another guy at work. One day at work a girl saw us kiss and told. So, my husband found out and we have been fighting about it nonstop, how will I know if we are going to work through this?

You can't know that you will work it out, you just have to try to work thought it. This isn't just about the kiss, it's about what was missing in your marriage. Sitting down with a neutral party, or a counselor may be a good idea.

I would like to sit with a counsler or someone to discuss the issue at hand, and all the other issues. But he said he will not go to someone like that so that they can blame it all on him. I told him that it wouldn't be like that, and he said still I don't want someone like that in my business. I just need to know what I can do. Because I am really at a loss.

Remind him that a counselor is a neutral party- they aren't biased on their opinions of your relationship. You could try sitting down and talking it over just the two of you, but having a counselor there would be a big plus.

If he can't just step out of his comfort zone during a session of counseling for the sake of your relationship, he must not care too much.

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Originally Posted by CrazyCooter26

But he said he will not go to someone like that so that they can blame it all on him.

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I am "someone like that," a counselor. Counselors do not blame one party or the other. Blame is not what we do. We listen to and work with both parties so they can find ways to improve their marriage. This is your husband's way to avoid counseling. He is the only one blaming himself.

You made this bed for yourself, sounds to me like your blaming him as well. He wasn't the one who kissed someone else. I can understand why he doesn't want a counselor, no offense to you counselors out there. I suggest you read the book the love dare, and follow that. It truly does wonders

I can see his point.

He was happily going along, not realizing that anything was wrong. Certainly nothing so seriously wrong with his marriage, that he is gobsmacked with the knowledge that a) you locked lips with another man, and b) you did it because there 'was something missing' in your marriage.

This is squarely on your shoulders. Your husband was unaware there were any problems, and you acted on your own by kissing another man, THEN saying you did it because you are, as you said, 'semi happily married'.

You should attend counselling by yourself. This isn't a marriage problem, so much as it is a problem with you having an inappropriate relationship with another man.

You have choices here. Accept the responsibility, come clean about your feelings toward the other man, show some remorse, attend a few counselling sessions, and show that you are wanting to get the marriage on track.

You are lucky that somebody told on you, or this could have gone to a far bigger place of no return.

Don't blame your husband, he is feeling resentful that you are justifying your behaviour and your choices by involving him.

You should just sit down and talk to him. Relationships are all about communication.

You don't come across as sorry that you broke the trust in your relationship, but only as sorry that you were caught. You need to take sole responsibility for your actions. Many people have things lacking in their marriage, but don't go around kissing other men because of it.

I can't see your relationship going anywhere without open, honest, non-blaming communication. If you don't address the problems in the marriage, including your infidelity, what will keep you from looking for love somewhere else later on?

You really need counseling. If he won't go with you, please put forth the effort to go yourself.

Whoops. That was a bit silly wasn't it?

It's interesting though how things work out. You're not happy, but haven't done anything about it, you kiss someone else and you get sprung. As Nelson would say from The Simpsons - "ha ha".

Anyway, life works in mysterious ways and now you have to do something about it. The kiss has been the catalyst for change - and it's up to you whether the change is negative or positive.

I say talk to your husband. Of course it won't be easy, but tell him you're unhappy and why you're unhappy and let him know you want to save the marriage (if this IS what you want to do).

Go to counselling to sort yourself out then make an appointment for you and your husband to go together. Drag him along even if it is kicking and screaming.

There is no way of knowing if you'll work through this - but you got to try.

Perhaps the spark has gone out of your marriage, when this bloke at work paid attention to you, it made you feel special again.. like a teenager if you like.

When people get married very often they feel they don't have to bother any more, they get comfortable, let small things that they used to do for their wife/husband slip.

Every day becomes the same, ordinary and the years slip by, you need to rekindle that spark that you once had.

Think about the things that attracted you to each other that are not there now.

If you cannot talk about your problems together without fighting, why not write a letter, put everything down that bothers you, how you are feeling and what you would like to do to solve these problems, not forgetting how you feel about each other, including wanting things to work between you etc...

That way there's no pressure it can be read when each of you feels ready.

I think in this case you get some guidance on how to communicate your feelings, instead of just letting things get to a point that you are so easily distracted by another, that you crossed the lines of good behavior.

Once you learn the importance of honestly expressing yourself, then you can address your marriage, and a hurt husband.