Hi,

I am 34 yrs old, married with 2 kids, very happy married life, good managerial job in an investment company, my problem is the most stupid and insane which one can have.

The reason I want to share to this forum that personally I can’t share and get a feedback as to what I should do. Don’t want to discuss this with my wife for obvious reasons.

Over the period, my lust for women is ever growing, and when ever I see or meet a women of any age, even a bloody cashier behind the counter or any women walking on the road asking for directions, whether she is attractive or not, one thing keeps running on my mind that I would want to see these women nude, touch or feel or even drives me crazy to the level I want to have an intercourse with them, This feeling is stupid and I feel insane,

While meeting these women, I don’t give them any such kind of gesture, but I regard them with respect and they consider me as a nice person, I have no intention to cheat my wife.

All I do is masturbate and get over with it, I can’t understand that as you grow older and mature these sexual desires tend to calm down.

Where am I wrong?

Please help.

Regards
Jason

I am 29 years old, and I also experienced the same thing with you. Steps I do to reduce my lust for women are:
1. Search for a community I love, where there I would find things I like.
2. getting closer to god
3. spend time with family, with some fun things. Maybe it can reduce your appetite.
And of course for you,
4. maximize the exploration of sex you are with your wife of course. Make your wife is a queen who can satisfy all your lust.
5. and when you desire in a woman, keep in heart, that in your house have a wife waiting game great sex that you are ready to give.
Thanks

I did and do all this, still no progress feel the same way. My kids and wife are happy to be with me, no problems we have a good time, but still same everyday.

Regards
Jason

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Originally Posted by suhari

I am 29 years old, and I also experienced the same thing with you. steps I do to reduce my lust for women are:
1. Search for a community I love, where there I would find things I like.
2. getting closer to god
3. spend time with family, with some fun things. maybe it can reduce your appetite.
and of course for you,
4. maximize the exploration of sex you are with your wife of course. make your wife is a queen who can satisfy all your lust.
5. and when you desire in a woman, keep in heart, that in your house have a wife waiting game great sex that you are ready to give.
thanks

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Every guy has this "problem" which isn't a problem really, it's instinct, it's normal, and it would be weird if you didn't feel like that.

Permanent monogamous relationships are not usually natural ( religion messed that up for our society though) and for most people they don't work. It's tough but that's how you are made.

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Originally Posted by fakemoney147

Every guy has this "problem"

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Please do not generalize. Not every man feels the way the OP does.

My bad, I meant 99% of all straight healthy males.

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Originally Posted by fakemoney147

My bad, i meant 99% of all straight healthy males.

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Still no. Sorry. I know of many healthy straight males who do not think along these lines.

The OP is on the cusp of a sexual addiction.

I assume that most guys think about sex a lot. However what you're describing is, in fact, a form of obsessive compulsive thinking. You recognize that it's gone beyond 'normal'. You recognize that it's inappropriate. It's distressing you and affecting your life, so it's gone well beyond just thinking about sex a lot.

Perhaps it would help to look up obsessive thinking on the internet and read about ways that you can regulate and control your thoughts. There is heaps of material. I'm sure you've already tried many techniques, but one really effective way is to be aware of the thoughts and stop them. When your brain starts, you mentally say to yourself "stop!"

The difficulty with sexual thinking, is that a form of stimulation is also involved so what some people do is wear a rubber band on their wrist and flick it when the thoughts start - in this way connecting a sharp pain with the command to stop.

Obsessive Thinking. Learn how to End Intrusive Thoughts.

I thought that this might be a good place for you to start and there is some recommended reading. Take heart, you're not wrong, it's just that something in your brain has gone slightly haywire. Good luck!

That's a joke. You may know many males who lie to you about it, or else you managed to find all your friend sout of that 1%. It's not a sexual addiction if you are in a relationship for years and experience lust for other women a lot. It's natural for guys to want to be with many women and years of the same woman could be extremely sexually unsatisfying after a while.

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Originally Posted by fakemoney147

Thats a joke. You may know many males who lie to you about it, or else you managed to find all your friend sout of that 1%. It's not a sexual addiction if you are in a relationship for years and experience lust for other women a lot. It's natural for guys to want to be with many women and years of the same woman could be extremely sexually unsatisfying after a while.

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That's totally incorrect :rolleyes:

I'm a male , and as red blooded a male as you find , I also have many male friends who are exactly like me and we don't have the same problem as the OP.

Sure I like to look a nice looking women and I would suggest most guys do , but what the OP is talking about is a far deeper problem , and one that he is obviously aware of and would like to find a solution.

Don't give the guy such bad and generalised advice which could hurt his chances of finding the real solution to an obviously dangerous problem , a problem he obviously needs professional help with.

Hello Jason,

First off I applaud you for coming on here and telling random strangers your dilemma. It's good that you seem to understand that there might be a problem here. I agree with Gemini on this.

I too have fantasized about a perfect stranger. I build up scenerios in my head. However, it is few and far between. YOU, on the other hand, can't seem to control it. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with you. I do understand that you are human, I just think that you may need to talk to someone about it. Get some feedback from them. I don't fault you for the feelings that you are having. According to you, you have never been inappropriate. It also seems like you are an upstanding person.

You are one step closer to seeing that it might not be "normal". Not like FAKEMONEY147 who seems to think he is Mister Cool! With all do respect.

I wish you luck.

I am also a man. Married with a child. Committed to one women for the rest of my life. Does not mean that I do not appreciate attractive women, because I do. That is normal but to want to touch, have sex and fantasize about every single women the op is describing is NOT NORMAL. He has an addiction and realises there is something wrong with his behaviour. He says he is completely happy with his wife and children. So there is no need to feel the need to want to have sex and touch and see every women he sees nude.

This type of behavior can eventually lead to this guy eventually getting so obsessed that he crosses the line and ends up actually sleeping with or raping somebody just because he can not control his urges and behavior.

I would also like to say that instead of encouraging somebody to sleep around to so called solve his problems is just going to ruin this mans life, and ruin his family. That is not what we want to do here.

If after years of being married. At the beginning, middle and at the end no matter how long a couple is together. Marriage needs to be worked on. It just does not work by itself. Every single day communicating with each other in many ways, not just sexual is important in keeping a marriage alive and together.

This man wants his marriage to work, and wants to work on help in figuring out why he is having these thoughts and how to work through them and get past them so it does not ruin his marriage.

I think the op has every right to be concerned and would suggest counseling, counseling is confidential and no one needs to know the reason you go. As far as sharing these thoughts with his wife I think it is a good Idea to figure out how to fix this up and work on it and hopefully continue to be in a happy marriage without worrying about his thoughts getting him into trouble.

So first nothing was acted upon which is good.

The obsessive thoughts could lead to something, and the op recognizes that and that is why he is here is to get help dealing with these thoughts.

Get counseling, professional help. Does not mean your crazy does not mean there is anything series wrong but we all need guidance and help working through our thoughts at times.

I truly hope you work through this and best wishes to you and your family and I am sure things will work out. It seems your willing to try to keep your marriage together by working on your own personal issues to be a good husband and father.

Good for you...

Joe

Got to spread the rep bro, but Joe, you hit the nail on the head.

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Originally Posted by fakemoney147

Thats a joke. You may know many males who lie to you about it, or else you managed to find all your friend sout of that 1%. It's not a sexual addiction if you are in a relationship for years and experience lust for other women a lot. It's natural for guys to want to be with many women and years of the same woman could be extremely sexually unsatisfying after a while.

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You might be confusing the normal guy thing of seeing a person you find somewhat attractive and for a moment... thinking about sleeping with her... with the NOT normal obsession that the OP appears to be describing when he feels a compulsory need to spank the monkey thinking about each one.

Big difference between the two... and its important to recognise that difference. Do most guys think about sleeping with many women... yeah... but then again, most guys can be happy with the right woman as well... and I will comment from personal experience.. years with the same woman does NOT have to become sexually unsatisfying after a while... and from my perspective of 18+ years of marriage. That does depend on the couple... because while I have known women that I found boring after only a few months (hell a couple were only within DAYS, one within about 15 minutes) that's NOT the norm.

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Originally Posted by fakemoney147

Thats a joke. You may know many males who lie to you about it, or else you managed to find all your friend sout of that 1%. It's not a sexual addiction if you are in a relationship for years and experience lust for other women a lot. It's natural for guys to want to be with many women and years of the same woman could be extremely sexually unsatisfying after a while.

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False. You have already been dinged with a red, so I won't do that.

I am a guy. I know I am on the side closer to sexual addiction. There are times when I see a beautiful woman walking down the street and I envision her bent over and begging for it. That being said, for the most part I don't. I see a woman walking down the street and think nothing of her. I see a waitress and think nothing of her. I see my female friends and think nothing of it. I see my co-workers and think nothing of it.

Sex is on my mind a lot, I won't disagree with that. It doesn't consume every waking moment of my life. It doesn't haunt my mind with every woman I see. What you are doing, to draw out an anology, is saying that everyone is a binge alcoholic when in truth we are social drinkers. You are insinuating that most people are several orders of magnitude higher sexual people then they actually are.

You fail.

I have to say that this man is not a sick man. He is obviously in need of a therapist and perhaps medication to control his sexual hunger but he is not messed up. Perhaps there is a deep embedded horror in his past that he needs to know about but does not fully understand or remember. It may be able to be drawn out of the subconscience by a professional. I do however suggest getting seen by a specialist as soon as possible before the lust turns into sexual harassment or even worse, once you start you can't stop and you end up raping someone. Get help now please, rape is horrible. You are OK though, with proper treatment and diagnosis you may find that you have no problem at all, just please take the smart and safe course of action and talk to a specialist. I hope you start gaining control, and remember you're wife loves you very much. Have a better one today

Thank you all,

You are all such wonderful people, your inputs has given me positive vibes to work towards this problem, I have started to feel much better, trying my level best to control it. I have delibrately started to mingle around women's such as friends, co-workers and I am seeing a professional, it is working I guess.

Thanks to all for saving me.

Best Regards
Jason.

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Originally Posted by Jasonrocks34

Thank you all,

You are all such wonderful people, your inputs has given me positive vibes to work towards this problem, i have started to feel much better, trying my level best to control it. i have delibrately started to mingle around womens such as friends, co-workers and i am seeing a professional, it is working i guess.

Thanks to all for saving me.

Best Regards
Jason.

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I'm really glad everyone's input (bar one possibly) has helped you Jason , and applaud you for having the b*lls to do something about it.

Good Luck and keep us posted :)

I'm very happy if Jason can solve his problem wisely! Keep Prayin'

I have a similar problem. Indeed it is stupid and insane. One time I lost control of it and paid for my actions. One of the biggest regret in my life..