I am new to this. Ive never come on line to ask for advice, but I feel I have no where else to go.

A brief summary.
My husband and I have been married for 4 years now. We dated for another 3 years before we got married. Im 29 and he is 31.
All started nice and sweet, I mean sometimes its still the same and have good evenings together, good chats and yes good sex!

Sometimes I find he get quite miserable, when I ask what's wrong he says nothing, so I leave him to it and don't annoy him to get an answer.

Recently we have been planning a trip to meet with some of our friends, so I have been planning an agenda etc.
When I tell him he says "well, ok, i dont see why not" or "its ok, i guess"
Just showing no interest whatsoever. But its not only regarding this trip where is acting this way, most times its in general!
He is bringing me down.. I love him, so much. But I want a fun loving happy man. Don't get me wrong again, please, I know he can't be happy all the time, I mean nor am I, but his lack of interest is becoming to frequent that its actually scaring me.

HELP ME.

How often is he like this?

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Originally Posted by NotSure

I am new to this. Ive never come on line to ask for advice, but i feel i have no where else to go.

A brief summary.
My husband and i have been married for 4 years now. We dated for another 3 years before we got married. Im 29 and he is 31.
All started off nice and sweet, i mean sometimes its still the same and have good evenings together, good chats and yes good sex!

Sometimes i find he get quite miserable, when i ask whats wrong he says nothing, so i leave him to it and dont annoy him to get an answer.

Recently we have been planning a trip to meet with some of our friends, so i have been planning an agenda etc.
When i tell him he says "well, ok, i dont see why not" or "its ok, i guess"
Just showing no interest whatsoever. But its not only regarding this trip where is acting this way, most times its in general!
He is bringing me down.. i love him, so much. But i want a fun loving happy man. Dont get me wrong again, please, i know he can't be happy all the time, i mean nor am i, but his lack of interest is becoming to frequent that its actually scaring me.

HELP ME.

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Could he be worried about something, maybe any money worries or trouble at work? I know this may sound silly but have you tried asking him what's wrong? Is his lack of interest just at home or is he like this in other areas of his life? I could maybe help you more when you have time to answer these questions, thanks.

Are you sure his lack of interest, is only his reserved personality? Are you expecting more enthusiasm from him? Are you an emotional female and need more emotion from him? Maybe your at that point in your marriage where the perfectness is wearing off, and the reality of life with another, is setting in. Understand, as much as you think you know some one, in time you find out more. Accepting people for who they are, is essential to growing in a marriage, and it takes decades to see and understand how people work and react. Be patient, unless there is a major problem, there will be a lot to work through as you both grow and develop. It's a long ongoing process. Just ask my wife, she is still trying to housebreak me after more than 30 years.

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Originally Posted by moyra

Could he be worried about something, maybe any money worries or trouble at work? I know this may sound silly but have you tried asking him whats wrong? Is his lack of interest just at home or is he like this in other areas of his life? I could maybe help you more when you have time to answer these questions, thanks.

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I have asked him what's wrong but as I said before, he says nothing so I leave him to it,don't want to annoy him!
I kind of had a word with him yest and asked how come he shows no entushiasm about the plans I'm making and he says well ill be excited when we there!! :rolleyes: suppose its fair enough? What d'yall think?

We are also financially rather broke. We get paid, pay off bills and have NO money for us to enjoy :(
IT SUCKS

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Are you sure his lack of interest, is only his reserved personality? Are you expecting more enthusiasm from him? Are you an emotional female and need more emotion from him? Maybe your at that point in your marriage where the perfectness is wearing off, and the reality of life with another, is setting in. Understand, as much as you think you know some one, in time you find out more. Accepting people for who they are, is essential to growing in a marraige, and it takes decades to see and understand how people work and react. Be patient, unless there is a major problem, there will be a lot to work thru as you both grow and develope. Its a long ongoing process. Just ask my wife, she is still trying to housebreak me after more than 30 years.

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What do u mean house break you?

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Originally Posted by Krs

How often is he like this?

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Sometimes not all the time

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Originally Posted by NotSure

We are also financially rather broke. We get paid, pay off bills and have NO money for us to enjoy :(
IT SUCKS

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Don't get me wrong, but there is a possibility that this is a small part of the 'problem' you are seeking advice for. You are being very efficient by doing all of this planning for a getaway that might perk up your marriage (and him) for a bit, but this takes money. Is there any set aside for it, separate from your bills? Then again, it is the holidays, many people get solemn and down despite all of the festive mood surrounding them, with the cookies, and mistletoe, etc.

The late twenties/early thirties is a period of major reassessment and adjustment for nearly everybody. It's the transition from youth to mature adulthood, and it's hardly ever a perfectly smooth transition. I know, the societal fiction is that you become an adult at 21, but ask anybody who's 35 or older, and ten to one they'll tell you they weren't fully mature until after 30 (sometimes well after).

Your husband has a lot going on internally right now that he apparently isn't ready to share with you yet. Give him the space and time to deal with it without getting in his face too much. He sounds mildly depressed, but unless he's willing to seek help on his own, pushing him to do it might be counterproductive. Besides, you have your own internal adjustments and reassessments to make. Pace yourself, because the next three or four years will see some decisions made and patterns set that will be with you for a good long time. Part of the reason this transition point is so difficult is that by the late twenties, most of us manage to convince ourselves that we have it all figured out and are set on a clear life path, so it comes as a shock that a lot of what we thought we knew is at least open to question, and some of it usually turns out to be dead wrong. Don't panic, just persevere. You do eventually work your way through it, but there's no way to predict where you'll come out.

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We are also financially rather broke. We get paid, pay off bills and have NO money for us to enjoy :(
IT SUCKS

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Welcome to the reality of life. Be patient. I honestly don't see this as a big problem. Do you think your expectations of your mate's responses are a bit high?

Couldn't rep you OG, but you sure hit the nail on the head.

I know that the stresses of money can be a big problem. Before my husband and I married, I was in debt really bad, but made it a mission to get out. I took a second job waitressing 3 nights a week for about a year and got myself back on track. IT's made all the difference in the world on my outlook in life. Then again, I was able to do it because I didn't have kids, so I don't know your situation. Ask him point-blank if it's the money situation that bothers him, tell him it bothers you, too and work on a plan together to set a goal financially. I don't know if what I told you was the "right thing" but it's what I would do to start to give it my best shot in this situation.

If he is depressed, be on his side in your mind as this is an illness, not a choice. Then make that alliance clear to him in your tone and actions. Be in it together with a common enemy. It can be far too easy to see him as the problem instead of the depression. If it gets worst, it may be necessary to talk to him (in nonaccusatory language) about how he doesn't seem himself lately and ask if he is aware of this. Really listen to what he answers. Be gentle. Reiterate to him that you don't think it is his fault since you are aware that depression can strike anyone and be pretty serious, if left untreated. See how he responds to that. Emphasize the "not his fault" part again. Gently focus on seeking some help for it. Offer to help him find appropriate help and see what he says.

I once had a friend who knew I have psychiatric problems periodically (I have ptsd) and he asked if we could talk about depression. I said "sure, what do you want to know?" He asked "well, can't you just pull yourself up by your bootstraps?" And I thought for a minute and asked Pat if he could picture falling and uh uh OMG.. no bootstraps! I could see the awareness light up in his face. He said you're kidding and I said nope, that is exactly how it is. Until it happens to you, its hard to imagine and to those its happening to for the first time, they may be very confused about it too.

I hope this helps in some way.

Whatever you feel now give it time, don't push and try to solve all your problems in a day. Go slow and be patient.