I'm a lesbian and I think my GF is straight.
Ok so me and my best friend of 2 years started dating about 11 months ago and we always had this secret attraction to each other but we just didn't acknowledge it until we started dating. My GF was straight her whole life and always dated guys until me and things were really good in our relationship but every once in a while she would question herself. We live together and two days ago we broke up because she doesn't know whether she is gay and she doesn't want to be in a relationship until she knows for sure. I don't really know what to do because now we are living like roommates and it is really hard. She told me she needs to do some soul searching and try to find out who she is but she told me that she loves me. It feels like my life is on hold until she finds out what she wants to do with hers, and I'm just waiting to find out if we are broken up for good or just for a little while. We have both come out to a few people mostly family and close friends. Am I stupid to wait for her, like is it foolish of me to to have hope that we might still be together? I love her so much and I don't know if I'm being blinded by the truth or if there is something that I'm missing that is staring me in the face. I really need help because I don't know what to do.

I think as in any relationship, when its over, its over for whatever reason.

I don't know about her sexuality, that for her to decide, but when communications breakdown any excuse will do.

Maybe this works better as a friendship than as lovers, that happens with any couple after the thrill is gone, gay, or straight.

You have little choice but to let her find herself. Maybe she is bi, and misses that side of herself. I don't know.

I would suggest you both split up for a while, until this is resolved as one partner will be miserable having only a shell of what once was under the same roof.

Its sucks big time when a relationship hits a brick wall, so talk about what's going to happen next.

For whatever reason, you shouldn't have to put your life on hold.

If one day she comes back to you, then deal with it then, but it doesn't mean that you have to sit around waiting for her, because there's no guarantee that she will come back to you.

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. Any break up is difficult to handle. The best you can do is keep busy and move forward with your life.

The difficulty in your situation is that she's still living with you. You're going to need to find a way to minimize your contact, so that you don't generate false hope. Furthermore, is there a way that one of you can move out?

I don't think moving out would work because I'm in school right now and I can't afford to live on my own, I paid everything in advance so I have no money until the summer. I could go back and live with my parents but I don't want to look at that as an option because my parents are really hard core christan and they hate the fact that I am gay. I don't need them telling me how to live my life, that is why I moved out in the first place.
It's just so hard because I love her so much and it's hard to break away from her. I don't know what to do, my heart is telling me that we are meant to be together and my mind is telling me to move on because I'm going to get really hurt if I hold on to that bit of hope.
I have no one to talk to about this, and it feels like I have no support. But we have started doing this by ourselves, we are trying to cut back on the time that we spend together. I just don't know if I am going to be strong enough to stay here and I don't know if I am strong enough to just be friends with her if she decides she wants to be with men. This is the second time that my GF has broken up with me because they didn't think they were gay and I'm just wondering if I am ever going to find someone who will love me as much as I love them. I'm really giving up hope.

I think that its easy to feel hopeless in a bad situation, but more important is the lack of options that you have.

Since things are paid in advance is her leaving an option, or should you set some rules, or boundaries of good behavior between you?

Such as not bring dates home out of respect for each other. I think its time for some real brutal honesty between you as the living situation has changed since there is no longer a deep and abiding commitment to each other. So do indeed explore your options that includes some sort of separation.

In any relationship, regardless of sexuality, some sort of loyalty and fidelity is expected, and when that changes, everything must change.

There is always an equal responsibility to resolve this living together issue, that works for you both.

Under the circumstances, somebody has to go, as the plan has changed, and adjustments have to be made.

With rents, or leases, you should know the facts about what it takes to get out from under this roof you share, and explore other living arrangements, that get you out of this situation, and what comes to mind is having a willing person to take over one of your responsibilities. OR both!

No, this is not an easy situation at all, but a bit of digging for facts and working on a plan together is all I see as a solution.

Your right about one thing for sure, don't hold on to FALSE HOPE, it will hurt you.

She doesn't want to leave the apartment, and she doesn't think that I should leave either. She is trying to figure all this out but she said that she love me and that this is something that we have to get through together. As far as bringing someone else home I have not interest at all, and she has told me that she is soul searching and this is not about seeing what's out there it's about finding herself. She told me that if she figures out the she is gay she wants to be with me and she wants us to be completely one hundred percent open about our relationship because when we were together we were in the closet about it to most people. I just started coming into my own about a year ago and there are still some things that I have to get used to and public affection is a big one. But she told me that she loves me and that she wants to be with me but she has to make sure this is who she is first. Everyone said that we have an incredible connection together and that things will work out for the best in the end. I just don't know if I am ready to give up on us just yet. It's hard but I want to be there for her as much as possible over this because we have cried over it and were both upset about it. Do I sound crazy, like does it make sense to stay and be there for her? Am I making a bad decision?

Sound to me like you both have made a commitment to work through this together so DO SO! No one knows where things will lead, or can forecast the future, so put your fears aside, and work with your partner! Win or lose, its a risk, all partners take along with the commitment.

Either go for it, or you don't, be honest with your feelings or don't. Believe your partner, or you don't. If this is based on the commitment, okay, but if your both staying because you both have no where else to go, that's a lousy basis for staying, and working on it.

That's what I meant about brutal honesty, and communications being the priority now.

No I'm not just stayng because I have no where else to go I really want to try hard to work through this. I want to be with her. I have always cut people out of my life as a way to deal with my pain but if I really care about her then I need to be there for her because she is going through a hard time to. Is this situation common like can two woman be together love each other have this amazing bond and then one of them might possible be straight but still want the relationship? It is hard to understand and I don't really know how to view this situation because I know I'm a lesiban.

Wow, this is a challenging one. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot you can do in this situation. Your girlfriend needs to figure out if she is gay or not. I hope she’s in therapy. If not, she needs to be. I know this is hard on you - hearing about her struggle must be excruciatingly painful.
The grueling part for you has to be her indecision. If she said she was leaving you and was moving out, it would be hard, but at least you would know what you’re dealing with.

I have to agree with the others - I don’t think that you should indefinitely put your life on hold. Perhaps a trial separation is in order. You can agree to split up for a specified period (maybe 3 month) to give her time to sort all this out and then reassess the situation at that time.

It sounds like she’s been struggling with this issue for quite some time. It’s up to her to figure out if this is really an issue of sexual orientation or not. . My heart goes out to you, but if you truly love her, then you’ll want her to be happy and to live an authentic life. As painful as that may be for you, it means giving her the time and space to figure out if she really is a lesbian or not.

I do love her and she is seeing a seeing someone about this, she has been dealing with this for a long time. I don't want to put my life on hold it's just hard for me to try and live a normal life, we did everything together and now it's hard to be separate from her. I have never felt this way about anyone so it's hard for me to deal with these feelings. I'm depressed all the time an I'm finding it really hard to concentrate in class, it's like I'm spaced out all day. I am giving her the space that she needs I'm just so scared because it would be so hard to find out that she was straight and all that she wanted from me was a friendship. My hearts broken and I'm wondering if it's ever going to feel whole again.

You need to give her her time to get her head sorted, you can't rush this and neither can she.

But putting your life on hold for anyone is ridiculous. You are not in a relationship any more, doesn't mean you need to be with anyone else but you need to do for you and she needs to do for herself.

Take it as a friendship if you can and get some new activities in your life.

You will feel whole again, the end of a relationship throws everyone, even the strongest of us, for six. It's not easy but this too will pass.

Thank you.