I love my husband but I had to leave him cause I couldn't take his anger and controlling behavior any more,at the beginning he did not have any contact with me and I was happy that he moved on ,but it is about a week that he is trying to convince me that he is changing the situation and his behavior which I don't believe .but today he asked me to go counseling and get some help ,I think getting advice and some counseling is a good idea but as I said I don't believe he would change.he is 48 and I am 39 years .I am trying to move on with my life which is so hard for me but when he contact me I get upside down and every thing gets mess in my mind .and my problem is phisically I moved out but still I couldn't move on myself .so I know every body who knows me ,believe I deserve much much better and he is not the right person in my life .with all of this I am confused .so any body has any advice for me. we lived together for about 4 years and no kids involved .
Thanks ,sarah

Hm it's always hard to move on,happened to me a lot of times that guys promised something and it wasn't true.Personally I don't think you should take him back.I think you should go to a counselor,but alone and speak your heart out.It's going to be hard not to fall for him,but you have to try.
Gluck :)

Counseling for yourself would be really beneficial for you to re-gain your self-confidence and self-respect.

It is possible for him to change, but it is also pretty unlikely, especially since it has been going on for so long.

You owe it to yourself to stay away from this guy. If you want to break the cycle & keep abuse from happening, you're going to have to leave him for good. By staying with him, you will be giving him permission to abuse you. He's probably been through this before & knows he has you right where he wants you & is expecting you to give in & take him back. If you do, he wins & it will all start over again & will probably get worse.

It would be great if he gets help for himself, but he has to do it for himself. He has to want to get better, not just think that he has to do it in order for you to take him back. If he doesn’t want the help himself, his heart won't be in it & he won't really change, regardless of how many meetings he attends. I would advise you to go ahead with your divorce. If you do & he still gets help for himself, that's great, because maybe he will actually change. But you shouldn't stay with him and risk abuse in the hopes that he will change, because he probably won't anyway.

Counselling is a first step.

There's no guarantee that he will change for you, but if he's willing to put in the effort, then you need to decide whether you want to give him that chance to prove himself to you.

If you're satisfied with his imprvement and progress, then keep moving forward. But if you don't see any change in his attitude, then why force the issue?

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

Counseling for yourself would be really beneficial for you to re-gain your self-confidence and self-respect.

It is possible for him to change, but it is also pretty unlikely, especially since it has been going on for so long.

You owe it to yourself to stay away from this guy. If you want to break the cycle & keep abuse from happening, you're going to have to leave him for good. By staying with him, you will be giving him permission to abuse you. He's probably been through this before & knows he has you right where he wants you & is expecting you to give in & take him back. If you do, he wins & it will all start over again & will probably get worse.

It would be great if he gets help for himself, but he has to do it for himself. He has to want to get better, not just think that he has to do it in order for you to take him back. If he doesn't want the help himself, his heart won't be in it & he won't really change, regardless of how many meetings he attends. I would advise you to go ahead with your divorce. If you do & he still gets help for himself, that's great, because maybe he will actually change. But you shouldn't stay with him and risk abuse in the hopes that he will change, because he probably won't anyway.

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Men who control and physically or mentally abuse their wives DO NOT CHANGE. There are wonderful men in this world and a lot of them
Hen have turned their lives aroundbut from what I've read about your husband, I would be leery. Don't let him sucker you back in.

Counseling does not always mean that it gets you back together, often ( very often) couples in counseling find out they did not have what is needed, or that their desires and needs don't match.

Counseling merely lets you find out more about the other and gives them a chance to behave a certan way.