Five days ago my girlfriend ended our relationship of 10 months saying she couldn't be involved in a relationship right now.

We had been arguing lately (which we never used to) over the last few weeks over a few things and this lead to us agreeing to a 2 week break from each other. We never set any rules for this but on day one, day two and day three (twice) my girlfriend text me asking how I was and telling me what she had been up to and stuff. On day four I had't heard from her so I thought OK I'll text her and she replied without a problem. Later that eveing (about 5 hours after my first text) I text again saying ''Hey you OK :) ?'' I then instantly got a phone call saying why am I texting her when we are meant to be on a break and that Im pressuring her... She then said she can't be in a relationship atm.

The next day she called again in the evening and we both talked over stuff. She explained to me that she had a few issues she needed to sort out in her own life and couldn't do that whilst in a relationship. She then said to me she loves me and wants me in her life still.

She then said something that confused/made me think about things. She said I'm not saying I never want to be with you again I just can't right now. Now, would someone who thought there was absolutely no hope of us getting back together sometime in the future say this? I know I wouldn't if I knew I was totally done with someone.

I then also realised if I say I love her then I have to let her go and get her head sorted with these problems she was having and it would be selfish of me to not let her go.

After the initial shock and upset (Im still hurting now of course) I thought I can approach this two ways. I can wollow in self pity and lay in bed crying and wishing things were different or I get on with things and take what she said that we still remain in contact and in a few months if we both still want this then we can maybe get back together.

If we do decide to get back together (which I am really hoping happens) then great and if we don't then at least I will have got on with things and we can remain friends and then I can maybe think about moving on.

Since we had that talk on the phone on Saturday night I haven't contacted her first. She has though the last two days text me asking how I am and what I have been doing. Does this show she is thinking of me? I even got a text at 1:45 am asking how I was.

I guess what Im asking is if she thought there was no hope of a future getting back together would she have said she is not saying she never wants to be with me again? And is the texting from her daily a sign she misses me ?

She breaks up with you.
She has things she needs to sort out and she can't be in a relationship?

I suggest you get on with doing your own thing right now.
There is no point waiting around in limbo,putting your life on hold, waiting for her to sort her issues out.

Have you read the stickies on how to handle breakups and the no contact rule?
They are at the top of the relationship page.

Yeah I read that about the no contact thing. Im just worried that if she hasn't 100% given up on the thought that in the future we may be able to get back together if I ignore her now I may lose her totally out of my life even if it's as a friend. She wasn't just my girlfriend she was one of my best friends too and I wouldn't ignore a friend totally if they were having issues they needed to deal with.

She texted and called you but refused to be texted or called from you. From my point of view it looks like she wants to use you. Now please remember the standard disclaimer about strangers on the internet giving advice. I am not in your position so you need to decide on your own.

This being said, it looks like she is lying to you. She seems to be afraid of being alone and wants to keep you close until she finds someone else. So she will be leeching on you for a while and then leave you non the less. So my advice is to admit to yourself that this relationship is over and move on and tell her that you respect her need for space and that she should respect your need for some space too and stop texting and calling you.

Sorry for the loss.

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Originally Posted by awooga

She then said something that confused/made me think about things. She said I'm not saying I never want to be with you again I just can't right now. Now, would someone who thought there was absolutely no hope of us getting back together sometime in the future say this? I know I wouldn't if I knew I was totally done with someone.

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To be frank, yes. This sounds like a classic statement of someone who doesn't want to date you any longer but also doesn't want to be completely truthful and hurt your feelings either.

You either take the bait and try to befriend her, knowing you want more (which isn't true friendship), or you let her sort her own issues out and in the meantime do your own thing. Just because people have a hard time letting go doesn't mean they still want you, it usually just means they are afraid of the unknown.

I really do not think that she is looking for anyone else or interested in anyone else and she said to me she can't be involved with anyone atm not just me.

One of the issues she needs to resolve is pretty big and one which I wouldn't discuss on here and the nature of that problem really means I can't see her getting involved with someone else.

I know Im probably hanging onto a glimmer of hope but I know her so well and know she would tell me straight if there was no chance we will ever be together again as she says exactly what she thinks.

Im not going to be ready to get involved with anyone for some time and Id rather not get involved with someone else seriously and wait and see once she has her head straight how she feels about us. I don't know myself in a few months how I will feel either but now Id rather go down the road of staying in touch and see what the coming months bring.

Your situation is like mine.. my ex did it to me.. she is not the person who can have relationship and has to solve her own issue.. we broke up 4 times and made up.. but never she open her mind.. so it is like a minefield.. u don't know where to step.. just hurt her hurting her.. just simplely open her mind and honest communication would solve the problem.. but the one I mean she didn't want it.. now she said.. I am not crazy in love with u.. but she was with her ex and he couldn't hold her.. I guess she had bad bad experience with guy.. and it affects your current relationship.. what I'm doing now.. as other ppls advice.. no contact.. I delete her phone number and uninstall MSN.. but I still think about her.. ya I do.. upset at her and sad.. because you ended up feel like they were just playing with me.. especially with my heart.. what she said to me.. u are so pure and unexpreience.. I might hurt u.. I probably will cheat on u... we are not in serious relationship.. and sneak around u.. and saying I hate to being controlled... and you know it is not right if you are in relationship.. but actually she controlled me..

Do I have answer that can solve your problem? NO I don't have just sharing my story with u..

False hope is what a lot of people in your situation hold on to.
It will continue to be fueled so long as you stay in touch with her and let her be in charge of the breakup.

People in a happy,healthy relationship turn to each other when they have issues in their lives,they don't try to solve the situation by breaking up.

Sit and wait, but its fairly obvious she is only letting you down easy. First the break up, and be nice, but they never come back, because what they really want is for you to give up and stay in the friends zone so they won't be completely alone.

This happens all the time and as well as you think you may know someone, there is still a lot more to know. But your going to find that out as you keep talking and making yourself miserable waiting for her to change her mind. Her feelings have changed about you and being in a relationship with you.

Ask yourself this, what could possibly make a person who is in love dump that partner?? Adversity brings couples together, not tears them apart, if the both want the same thing. To be together.

Im going to have to use what Mr Talaniman says

Its sooo true in this case

Never make a person a priority in your life, while allowing them to make you an option in theirs.


These words you must live by.. and she is really doing that to you
You are just an option in her life she knows she can have you at the drop of a hat and she is stringing you along

Make your own rules and do your own thing
Don't wait away for scraps of love!
When you can have the whole plate

Good luck!

So my girlfriend ended things about 3 weeks ago. Stating she couldn't do a relationship atm but she loves me and wants us to stay close and in a month or two once she has sorted her issues out we can maybe get back together...

Since we broke up she has been contacting me. Texting me at least once a day and she has twice called up drunk in tears saying how much she loves me and hates that she has hurt me but keeps saying just give her some time and then we can see.

I was kind of feeling OK about things up until last Thursday when she came to get her stuff and it all came flooding back. Seeing her made my heart literally drop knowing she was no longer my girlfriend... After she left I went out and sat in a park for what must have been 2 or 3 hours going over and over things.

Since she left I haven't been able to stop thinking about all the good times we had even simple things remind me of her. The thing she keeps saying give her some time and in a month or two we can maybe get back together keeps repeating in my head. But if we don't get back together I fear I may feel even worse then I do right now.

Im just finding it a bit hard to stop thinking about her and the relationship we had. I keep checking her FB page (even though she took me off... ) just to see what she's doing and I don't know why I am :confused:

I love her so much and wish so much that something would click in her head and that we can get back together.

Im 25 and have had gf's before but I have never gone through this pain and feeling of being so drained emotionally and it seems to be getting worse as the days go on and not better.

Hey man :)

Well a few things you should do 1 is read the stickies at the top of this page.. they are very helpful and have like 1 million people that have brought the T-shirt Washed it Sold it
Then brought it back again.

So you are not alone checking Facebook or anything for that matter is so wrong and unhealthy

And as for waiting around for her to make up her mind if she wants to be with you or not
Why don't you make up your mind and go OK
If you loved me you would be with me. So I'm going to move on

Which is what you should do
Move on and go no contact
In this case my friend ignorance is bliss.

So block her out of your life so you can heal and focus on what is important in your life not what's in hers.

We all have hope, but don't let false hope rule you.

Move on my friend
Use this time to Hurt and Heal.
And don't hold out and worry about things you can't control.
Control what's going on within you not what's within someone else.

All the best

Don't stay in touch with her,go no contact and stop the FB thing.

Yes it hurts,but you will slowly stop hurting if you take charge of your own life and start moving on.

Don't put your life on hold for her.

As amicon said, don't put your life on hold to her. She took you off Facebook for a reason, and then coming by to pick up her things. I think she chose to move on and that's what you need to do, also. Sure, it hurts, bit everyday you will get stronger. I think she wanted to let you down easy. There are plenty more girls out there. She is only one...

Don't let her use you as a backup plan and keep you hanging in limbo. Move on without her. She's not worth the pain.

Talaniman Rule- When they need space, give it to them, and disappear from their lives. This allows you to heal.

Talaniman Rule- Never allow an ex to make rules for what you do.

Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life and let them get theirs.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when its so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush.

Talaniman Rule- Never let them break your heart TWICE! Didn't it hurt enough the first time?

Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

I hope those stuck. Hehehehe...

Go NC, man.

The one thing you forgot to do.