I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday morning, after over a year of being together. My mother's advice: Play the field, date around. She advised me to start immediately, the result of which, movie with a friend yesterday that turned into more and tonight I was going to go on a date with another guy, however my dad refused to allow me. She says it will give me confidence to date around 5 or so different boys and/or girls and will take my mind off the break up.

My best friend is saying that it will damage me further and it's moving much too fast. She is appalled that my mother would suggest immediately dating around.

I see valid points in both arguments. I am unsure of if my mum is right or wrong.

You need to get out and find a life without the ex. Don't try to make a relationship right now, your pain is too fresh.

I wouldn't say you need to "date," but to get out there and have some fun.

So go out and have fun, but leave out the search?

Yes, and perhaps "date" and leave out the more till latter

Do what FEELS right, it doesn't matter what advice someone gives you if you know its wrong for you.

Do you want to start dating other people? (knowing that nothing serious can come of it, because you are not healed yet)

I think you should find a healthy median between being social and outgoing, and still healing.

If dating helps you heal, by all means just head first into it. But there is a possibility your just using these people as a distraction and diversion from your own unhappiness, and would you want that done to yourself.

If you don't mind me asking, Why did you guys break up?

You know, it really depends on the person, but realize that these people will be nothing more than fill-ins and rebounds until a new "serious" thing comes along. I personally believe that it would do you some good to wait on the dating scene and just hang out with friends as friends and nothing else. Your emotions at this point are too confused. I think you should sort out some of your feeling about being scared to be alone before you jump right back in to it. You said yourself in your other thread that you stayed with Cody more because you didn''t want to be alone, not necessarily because you wanted to be with HIM.
My advise, Just stay single for a while. You need to feel comfortable thinking about yourself as an individual, not just someone's girlfriend. Because that's not all you are, and that shouldn't be all you want to be. You need to know your identity without a relationship attached before you can really start to understand a relationship. That's what I think.

Yes go out have fun, date. Not 4 or 5 or whatever the number your mother says but just enjoy yourself and socialize with others.

Leave out the search...

Joe

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Originally Posted by Sdawson90

Do what FEELS right, it doesn't matter what advice someone gives you if you know its wrong for you.

Do you want to start dating other people? (knowing that nothing serious can come of it, because you are not healed yet)

I think you should find a healthy median between being social and outgoing, and still healing.

If dating helps you heal, by all means just head first into it. But there is a possiblility your just using these people as a distraction and diversion from your own unhappiness, and would you want that done to yourself.

If you don't mind me asking, Why did you guys break up?

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We were both unhappy, many problems, potentially him cheating, his feelings for another girl, a pregnancy that was wrongfully ended, and too many stressful aspects to my life for him to handle

My I am confused. I'm getting opposite answers here. Can more of you explain your reasoning? Like Ohso, Ohso you are making ohso-good points, sorry had to make a pun!

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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

We were both unhappy, many problems, potentially him cheating, his feelings for another girl, a pregnancy that was wrongfully ended, and too many stressful aspects to my life for him to handle

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I wouldn't continue a search in that aspect because even though you are available in the sense your not in a relationship, You are emotionally unavaliable for anyone else at the moment.

Go out, have fun, be social. Don't be a hermit and shut yourself out from new experiences, and if you find yourself healing, and wanting a new relationship. Take It Slow. Make sure you are ready.

Like stated previously, You need to learn, accept and be happy with yourself before you can move on to a SUCCESSFUL relationship with soemone else.

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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

My I am confused. I'm getting opposite answers here. Can more of you explain your reasoning? Like Ohso, Ohso you are making ohso-good points, sorry had to make a pun!

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I've made the pun too. No worries. :)

There's a difference between dating for fun and dating for prospective new relationships. If you feel like you want to date, date for fun, so as not to get too serious with an individual before you're ready. Have fun knowing that it's not going to lead somewhere and BE SAFE!!. Here's a good way to keep perspective on your own behavior and what you think is acceptable: If you think it's trashy when other people do it, you probably won't think much of yourself if you decide to do it. So just keep that in mind should you choose to date for fun. And remember, your identity is how you view yourself, not how you see yourself with a partner.

Dating around for the fun of it, beats sitting at home alone, worrying about an ex. Yes you have to heal properly, but setting boundaries for yourself, and sticking to them, will allow you to keep things real, and not be searching for the next big thing in your life. Sticking to your own boundaries will also keep you on the safe side of "something more", that could be confusing later.

I think your mom has a point, just don't get carried away with the idea of having fun, and stepping over your own lines of good behavior.

Then you can enjoy good clean fun, as you heal. And make new friends.

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Originally Posted by ohsohappy

I've made the pun too. No worries. :)

There's a difference between dating for fun and dating for prospective new relationships. If you feel like you want to date, date for fun, so as not to get too serious with an individual before you're ready. Have fun knowing that it's not going to lead somewhere and BE SAFE!!. Here's a good way to keep perspective on your own behavior and what you think is acceptable: If you think it's trashy when other people do it, you probably won't think much of yourself if you decide to do it. So just keep that in mind should you choose to date for fun. And remember, your identity is how you view yourself, not how you see yourself with a partner.

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I want to just have fun, but I do have a feeling I will let it become more than just for fun because of my psychological need for companionship

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Dating around for the fun of it, beats sitting at home alone, worrying about an ex. Yes you have to heal properly, but setting boundaries for yourself, and sticking to them, will allow you to keep things real, and not be searching for the next big thing in your life. Sticking to your own boundaries will also keep you on the safe side of "something more", that could be confusing later.

I think your mom has a point, just don't get carried away with the idea of having fun, and stepping over your own lines of good behavior.

Then you can enjoy good clean fun, as you heal. And make new friends.

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What exactly do you mean by boundries? Similar to what Ohso said maybe?

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Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx

what exactly do you mean by boundries? Similar to what Ohso said maybe?

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Yep, as in not letting yourself look for a prospective if you know you're just trying to fill a gap. And knowing how far to take it woith someone either physically or socially.

Why do you have to date at all?

Why can't you just go out, have fun and make new friends.

Not every guy has to be seen as a perspective boyfriend... or even as a date.
I have lots of male friends, which are nothing more than that. We have a great time, we laugh, we cry and there's no pressure involved.

When I say date, its as friends, with no expectations of nothing but fun. Hanging out, and doing what young people do without emotional attachments, other than as friends. Of course one needs to stay balanced in their approach to life, and have hobbies, and activities they enjoy also, and schooling has to be considered.

There are a wide range of things to do to keep busy besides running around looking for a relationship, especially during the healing process.

Boundaries are nothing but rules of conduct you set for yourself, to protect your broken heart, and generally do the right thing to stay out of difficult situations. Honesty with yourself, makes it easier to be honest with others, when abiding those rules, and being able to say NO, to anything that may not be right for you.

Shaz, the majority of my friends are male.

I have a date this weekend, I am excited for it. Not because it may lead to something more, but because it is a confidence boost to know that someone other than an x, Cody in particular, has an interest in me. Perhaps this is the reason my mum advised me to "date around"

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18- 80, blind cripple or crazy.

That's why its great to be single, Having fun getting to know people, and having all kinds of options, and opportunities.

Sometime we forget that when we get "hooked up" to just one person. I think that's exactly what your mom was hoping you to experience.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Talaniman Rule- Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall! 18- 80, blind cripple or crazy.

Thats why its great to be single, Having fun getting to know people, and having all kinds of options, and opportunities.

Sometime we forget that when we get "hooked up" to just one person. I think thats exactly what your mom was hoping you to experience.

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That actually does sound appealing