I am 18 and my girlfriend is as well we have been together for 2 and 1/2 years it has been great I am a good boyfriend I would say always nice . To her parents friends and am good in bed . Every time we fool around or start to get close to having sex 99.9% of the time she doesn't not want to have sex over the past 2 and 1/2 years we have had sex only about 5 times 2 of those times when we have it was her first time and it abruptly ended with her crying when I put my in her she started to moan and then all a sudden starts crying . The other times we went for an hour and then 2 hours . I asked her about it . She has anexity problems and stresses over a lot of things . I asked her and she said it is not necessary in a relationship . I believe it is I love this girl and want to be with her but the whole sexual thing is every time we fool around it ends in me either fingering her eating her out or dry humping she never wants sex and I almost always iniate the sexual contact . She said she doesn't want to because she is afraid of getting pregnant and she would stress out for a whole month about it . I said why not go on the pill it would eliminate the whole stress issue . She flat out said no she doesn't want to take it . She is very honry and talks dirty saying she wants it in her but won't let me . I want sex and she understands it and I want to help her get over the whole stress thing how can I do that?

First of course the pill is not 100 percent effective,
Have you considered she believes perhaps that sex is for marriage latter when there is a longer commitment ?

I would say why can't you respect her feelings and enjoy the relationship with her, without sex for now ?

The point is we have already had sex now because of some trigger she is so stressed and emotional and I want to know how I can help her deal with it I can deal without sex for now but I do want it and need it

Sounds like she is stressed about becoming pregnant.

What method of birth control are you guys using? Hopefully condoms at least.

Yes condoms of course I just want her to feel safe that she won't get pregnant and its not going to happen and she has aneixty problems she sees a psychologist I think she should be put on some meds or something because no matter what I do its never enough to make her happy

I don't think that the problem here is the sex.

It's something to do with her attitude towards penetration and possibly pregnancy. She talks dirty, tell you she wants it, you give her oral (etc), but she won't allow penetration. If you're using condoms, why not? What's the stress about?

If she's seeing a psych then suggest she talk to them about whatever her problem is - she's the only one that can do this. Sure you can support her, but its her responsibility to deal with her issues (whatever they may be).

I'd also back off on asking her for sex - and I mean totally back off. Don't do it, even if she talks dirty to you... just see what happens.

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

I'd also back off on asking her for sex - and I mean totally back off. Don't do it, even if she talks dirty to you ... just see what happens.

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I would add, that when she starts talking dirty, don't ignore her, but ask her what she wants you to do. If she starts talking about penetration, tell her she can do it and you want it.

See from there.

Sex can be a very big part of a relationship. However, I am looking at more than just being in a relationship. I am looking at the ages and the maturity of the decision to engage in intercourse. Five times in two and a half years doesn't seem like much until you factor in the fact that until you turned 18 both of you were minors. I am wondering if you are even out of high school.

I think you need to back up and examine the relationship. I am wondering how much of the 'sexual' side of your relationship is her trying to keep you and not because she actually wants to 'play around'. How much pressure does she feel to try to do what you want? Not how much pressure you think there is, but what HER perception is. Giving in to pressure (even if it is from yourself) is not conducive to a pleasurable experience.

Wanting sex and wanting to please your boyfriend are sometimes two different things. Talking 'dirty' sounds like a way to keep your interest. I am concerned from your post that she hasn't always been able to hold on to it any other way.

I told her she should talk to the counselor she is seeing and we go like weeks on time without doing anything I'm OK with that because she going through this anxiety problem and I am here to support her . I mean she says she loves me and I love her very much but yet she doesn't want sex? This makes me question her feelings or motive but all I can do is support her right?

Why does not wanting sex have anything to do with loving you?

She's already TOLD you why she doesn't like to have intercourse---because she's afraid of getting pregnant!

Even with condoms, a spermicide, and the pill--taken correctly--I got pregnant at 16. The second time I had sex.

So yes--it IS possible. The only form of birth control that's 100% is abstinence.

You want her to want sex? Then stop asking for it, wait another 3-4 years, get a college education, get good jobs, and get married. THEN she might feel more comfortable about having sex.

PS--she probably doesn't ENJOY sex. If you're stressing about getting pregnant, there's no WAY you can relax enough as a woman to really enjoy intercourse. So--you want it for YOU, not for HER. Sounds selfish to me.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

So yes--it IS possible. The only form of birth control that's 100% is abstinence.

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99.999999999999999999999999999999999999999% Effective. Just ask Mary. ;-)

(Just a joke.)