Originally Posted by
wynndixie2010
For starters, I'm very sorry for all this. I can speak with some experience on the subject, as I've had to go thru two divorces myself. With two young daughters involved. There is not one good thing about it at all. No one comes out ahead, everyone loses, nothing is gained. Property is divided, families are torn apart, children are hurt and confused. Need I continue??
I'm sure you know all that... but take it as a very dire warning... you wrote your reasoning is "irreconcilible differences".... the familiar jargon coined by divorce lawyers who make oodles of money from the scam of divorce court proceedings. Lawyers are the ONLY winners...
I know none of this helps... but having been thru it all, and having stood where you are right now, certainly makes me hurt for you, but mostly for your innocent children. I wonder if you might try to consider one thing... primarily for their sakes.... you wrote that your youngest is eleven now.... that means seven more years till the house is quiet again. Is it even remotely possible, that you and your husband, sit down, either alone or with relatives/church leaders, etc., and try to hang on till that time, so that your children will be much more adept at handling such a disaster in their lives? You know... when I hear the word divorce, as I did myself... I think back... there was a time when you and your husband no doubt loved each other... you couldn't wait to be together... then, you married, maybe it was the greatest day in your life.. then, two innocent, unsuspecting children came into being.... now they are about to endure a living hell, because mom and dad don't see eye to eye anymore. Loving parents can certainly see the unfairness of it all. How would we personally have handled a divorce of our own parents when we were young? It no doubt would have torn us up. I sure wish you could do something, anything, to keep that from happening again. You're right, everything will have to be split up, personal belongings, the comforts of the home, the home itself, your life, everyone's life that is in any way associated to your families... will be torn apart. I know about men... that attitude your husband has.... I know because I'm a man too! But trust me, that does NOT make me an unfeeling or uncaring person. Two divorces, and both wives filed, both for different things. Both divorces were wrong and should never have been. Our children are grown and gone now, but they suffered beyond measure, and relationships in EVERY direction were strained, and will never, ever be the same again.
If it is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE to reconcile, even for the sakes of your children, then I would suggest you and hubby sit down and work out a concise plan of action, one where NO ONE HURTS ANY OTHER... no vengeful actions, no using children as weapons, no underhanded head games.... My first wife and I had the two children, when we seperated, we talked at length, promising to NEVER hurt each other beyond the actual divorce... we were very young when we married, she was pregnant, and that was not the way to start a life... it went downhill from there, but we held the children absolutely sacred, and it went about as smooth as it could possibly be expected. We were the fortunate ones. Most divorced couples will fight, cuss, rip and tear, bad mouth the other, publically and privately, even in front of the kids, even using them as weapons against each other...and all for what? To get EVEN? How "second grade".... Your children no doubt love you AND dad... and are hardly ready for what's ahead. They will look to you both, they will count on you to be the steady rock for them when they need you. Its up to you and dad to be there for them. If it were just you and the hubby, the pain would not be anywhere's so intense.
One other thing... Stress is one of the WORST adversaries in our lives. It takes a terrible toll on us, mentally, physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and most definitely, monetarily.... you need to stand strong. When your 'stomach is in knots'... you're virtually subtracting years from your existance. It can be read in your face like a book. Try to remember this... everything that we have to endure in our personal and collective lives, will eventually pass. There is a day coming when you'll look back and take a deep breath and it will seem like a dream.
Be strong, for your kids, for your relatives and friends, and for you. And at least TRY to work out some kind of amicable understanding between you both. Two innocent children are counting on you. And when all else fails, you COULD ask the Good Lord for direction. Thats where most people go when they're at their wits end... just unfortunate we wait so long....
I'll be thinking of you....