How can you be yourself when you don't even know who that person is? Let alone be "that child" when you didn't know how you acted or behaved like?
My mum thinks I'm selfish, rude and a liar. I know she does, she says it every time we are arguing but why is it always okay for her to say how she feels about me! But when I try to say something back, it's a slap on the wrist. I am a good person and so is she but, this has got to stop.

4 hours you kepted me sitting in that chair, having a go at me. No wonder why I haven't got an self confidence. I feel like rubbish, no even below that. Im young, I'm suppose to be having fun, enjoying myself? When all you do is let me down? I always blame you, and I know sometimes it is my fault but you let me down. You say you miss the person I was, who I use to be but that person had no friends,no life, no nothing. I was empty when you loved me the most. Do I have to be an empty person for you to love me? I never knew I had to be so perfect for you to just love me? Or even pretend.

I'm pretty sure your mum does not hate you. But there is no-one who can make you madder than someone in your family. For some reason, if her child does something that wouldn't be worth remarking from a stranger, it can start a huge row with shouting and screaming and name calling.

It will be hard, but I think it is up to you to be the mature one here, and find a way to talk to her, in a calm way. Maybe ask someone else to act as referee to keep things from turning into a shouting match?

Tell her how you feel. Ask her what she wants from you, tell her what you want from her. Remind her that you love her as she is, shouting and all. Ask her to do the same for you.

There is something deeply wrong in western culture that we tend to think our parents especially our mother would need to love us unconditionally. That's complete bull. Love is never unconditional. So you're not the child your mother wanted? The truth is: it's her fault, not yours. Because a) she had unreasonable expectations to begin with and b) she failed in raising you. What she is now trying to do is dominate you to cover up her own failure even to herself. And from what you are writing it seems to be working.

What you need to do now is grow up. You need to emancipate yourself from your abusive mother. You do need neither her nor her love. So for your own good, stop pandering to her emotions and care about your own. You're not the child she wants and she is not the mother you want. The solution is for each of you to live your own lives separately.

You haven't written how old you are. How many years will it take for you to stand on your own feet? You need to focus on what you want your life to become, not what your mother wants. You will live the main part of your life away from her, start planning for that part. And don't let your mother give you crap. How has she "kept you sitting on a chair"? Next time stand up and just go.

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Originally Posted by verwirrt

4 hours you kepted me sitting in that chair, having a go at me.

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That is not "having problems". That is a deliberate attempt at a forced personality change also known as torture. Even if the 4 hours are exaggerated this is child abuse.

You are hearing one side of the issue. That "four hours in a chair" could have been a four hour car journey.

It does not matter, the point is neither one of them likes each others company. When this person is old enough to leave the house. Then it is better. It is better to think for themselves and take care of themselves and this is the best opportunity to do it. Tordmor, I agree with your post. No matter what the issue is, eventually the person is going to have to leave the situation and go their separate ways.

Sometimes that is the best. There is more to abuse then meets the eye and would agree that there is some level of emotional abuse here.

Joe

Omg my mum calls me selfish and a liar and slags me off 2 everyone it hurts a lot but I think she does love you she might be a good person but I don't think she thinks about how you feel