I need any helps. My mother tongue is not English so you may have some difficulty to understand this story. So here it is. Me and my girl friend were really good friends for about 2 years. We talked a lot and laugh. Then I asked if we can be in a relationship. She said no first time even I asked again again. Then next day she said she didn’t mean no. But I took the answer as no. So we were starting our relationship. But I have an issue. I lost my family from car accident. So I decided not to love anyone because I don’t want to feeling of losing someone I love. So I took a big step. But she also has depression. We were good in the beginning but after that I started jealous of her past and pushed her hard. So she wanted to broke up with me. It was hard then I noticed what I had done and told her. We go back together but I knew she were sad and if I said something about her past, she immediately crying. Then I stopped asking her and told her whenever you were ready. It was she got divorced. After she told me that I was kind of mad because I asked her before if she has even been married. Not once but several times. But I also understand why she had to do that. Then I talked to her that I was disappointed of her that she lied to me. Her answer was none of your business as usual. But I thought it was my business. I saw her sad face all the time and tried not to hurt her without know the reason. I thought her ex cheated on her, so I let her know my Facebook password and tried to prove her I won’t cheat on her. Then we start argue. She said we don’t have future together and we are not in serious relationship. She always said she will never marry. I didn’t know the reason at the time. And she confused me many times. She said she wants to have a dog with me and wants to go my country. She said we will break up one day. I was confused and we broke up 4 times in less than one year. I was the one went back to her and we backed together. I thought she just scared of my age. I am 8years younger than her and she is my first girlfriend. She is around 30. She said I’m too young and inexperienced. I felt whenever she noticed that I was in her heart she pushed me away and I got confused and put myself up and went back to her. Then she pushed me again. She said I love you and it is something else. She was madly in love with someone but the guy didn’t want get marry with her because of her past. But I don’t care. I decided that I will not give up on her like that. So last time we broke up which is little over month ago, I was disappointed and little upset of her lie but I do understand her at the same time. Then she said we will break up and we are not in serious relationship. I got mad and said I can take this anymore. “how do u feel if I am playing with u now. I will dump u.” she said “ok” I went little farther “so what if I just want to have sex with u” she said “fine” then I crossed the line” so what is difference hooker and u?” she said “nothing” and she cried and said “I am hooker” and wanted me to leave her alone. I didn’t. I said I’m sorry I just upset of your comment but I never thought like that and don’t think you are hooker. She wanted me to leave. I didn’t. I pushed her so hard. Then she said she would call police. Then I left. After that she obviously didn’t want to talk to her so I send many emails how I felt and I am sorry. Then she said it is the time, we are break up but we are friends. This time I also have enough. But I don’t want her to be my friend because I will hurt her. She snaked around me while we were in relationship. One time she came to city where I live. It is 50min drive. She said she will meet her guy friend and will come to my house at mid night. I waited but didn’t called me till 1. I called her many times after that because I was worried about her. Then her phone got off. Then at 2 she called me back and say it was silence and didn’t know why it turned off and she said she wanted to go back home because it is too late. Second time happened with the same guy. He asked her to come to international student meeting. He just want to have asian girls to have sex with. I was with her when he asked her to come over the phone. But she said she wasn’t sure. I wanted to come also but she said he didn’t invited me. So I came home and text her good night but she didn’t reply so I thought she went to sleep. I said I guess you went to sleep so sweet dream. 2days later, I guess, she spoke another guy friend and he asked me if we were still together. And they talked and he said to her that she should snaked around behind me. Then she called me and told me all and cryied. I talked to her today. I was trying to do no connect rule. But she sent me an email about chocolate I gave her but I gave it 2 weeks ahead of valentine’s day. She said I’m lovely. I talked to her the way she talked to me confused me and gave a bit of hope. She said she won't comeback. And I am inexperienced and she doesn’t feel she is in relationship with me. But want me to be her friend. I said I cannot.
So I want to know what I could have done better and what I can learn from this mistake. Ya I do love her even thought she was married woman. I don’t care other people. I just only want to be with her. She doesn’t want to marry again, I’m fine but my goal is just be with her. But I don’t know if I’m madly in love with her. I do think of her every day before we broke up. I don’t know the feeling I have on her. Simply I can say I am just really like, and love to be with her.
Any advice will be great help for my life. There are still more stories I didn’t write here because it would be too long and I don’t know how to organized. Thanks for reading my story. Please be cruel for me. What I have done wrong and what I should have done and what I can do now and for my future.
She also said today she probably will cheat on me because there is always possability. I asked her if she have even done on me. She said no. she just loves me as person like brother and friend. But how come I keep thinking there is story like she had a baby her home country and she cannot say to me because I will leave her so she wants to stop here. Something like that. There is something holding her. I am needy :D loser:D but it is OK I gave her all my heart even I know that I can deal with lossing someone who I love. She think it is not love and I will know some time in my life which is not respectable of my feeling. But if she is not breave enough to hold me and open up her mind even though it might hurt her badly if we break up, she will lose me. Her lost. Hopefully. She is stronger than me.. :D
2days later, I guess, she spoke another guy friend and he asked me her if we were still together. And they talked and he said to her that she should not snaked snuck around behind me. Then she called me and told me all and cryied. I talked to her today. I was trying to do no connect rule. But she sent me an email about chocolate I gave her but I gave it 2 weeks ahead of valentine’s day. She said I’m lovely. I talked to her the way she talked to me confused me and gave a bit of hope. She said she won't comeback. And I am inexperienced and she doesn’t feel she is in relationship with me. But want me to be her friend. I said I cannot.
So I want to know what I could have done better and what I can learn from this mistake. Ya I do love her even thought she was married woman. I don’t care other people. I just only want to be with her. She doesn’t want to marry again, I’m fine but my goal is just be with her. But I don’t know if I’m madly in love with her. I do think of her every day before we broke up. I don’t know the feeling I have on her. Simply I can say I am just really like, and love to be with her.
Any advice will be great help for my life. There are still more stories I didn’t write here because it would be too long and I don’t know how to organized. Thanks for reading my story. Please be cruel for me. What I have done wrong and what I should have done and what I can do now and for my future.[/QUOTE]
