Hi,
I'm 17 years old, and I have the worst self esteem of anybody I know. I can't believe how pathetic I am, because I know people in this world have much more problems thatn me. Even so, I can't help feeling completely worthless, ugly and forgettable. No boy ever likes me, I am always the one left behind. I know I sound like I have a chip on my shoulder but I am telling the complete truth. To be honest I am a shy person, so that can't be helping the situation, but it is a terrible thing to wake up every morning, look in the mirror and feel completely hopelless about the day ahead. I am OK looking, but not good enough for any guy to like me. I just wish I was special, or had something going for me at all. I hate myself andi can't believe that at this age I have never had a boyfriend or anyone at all who has liked me. It is truly pathetic and it just further reinforces my feeling of worthlessness. I can't bear the thought of being alone my whole life.
I am still feeling the same way I have felt for about 5 years. I hate to think of myself as desperate, but in my opinion my situation has gotten unbearable. This sadness and grief at being ugly and alone is constantly on my mind, and I cry at least once a day (in secret of course I would never do it to get attention I hate people who do that). Anyway, sorry if you think I'm a complete waste of time I just really don't know what to do. I have seen a counsellor a few times about myself esteem but it hasn't really done anything and I ant seem to open up to her, I guess I just feel guilty about it or something. I guess its much easier to do it online for some reason. Thanks for your help :)

Try, just try, to really open up to your counselor. She has seen it all, she keeps everything you say to herself.

You are not a "waste". You are someone special. Things always seem to find a way to get better. I hope you find peace and hope soon in your life. You have so much ahead of you. Go be happy.

God bless you.

I really think you need to speak honestly to your counsellor. You're not ugly - very few people are really physically ugly.

What you've done is got stuck on the fact that you don't like yourself and transferred this to your physical appearance. The reason boys aren't attracted to you is because you don't like yourself - not because you're ugly.

The paradox is that in order to make friends and for people to like you - you need to like yourself first! Sometimes this is as simple as knowing what to do in social situations and not thinking that all the things that happen to you are because people don't like you.

It's about developing a less sensitive skin and about making an effort to be interested in other people. For some of us this doesn't come naturally and we have to work at it. That's why counselling can help - but you have to be willing to take the risk to change.

What have you got to lose? It's got to be better than how you're feeling at the moment!

In my opinion the only thing that makes someone ugly is their personality, everyone is beautiful in their own way.

Opening up to your counciller would be a great start, he/she is there to help you, that's what they're there for! Honestly, letting everything that's making you hurt inside go will help you greatly, you can't just think "oh ill put this bad memory in a little box at the back of my mind and hope it will never come back at me later on" because it will come back and it'll make you feeel so much worse in the long run, just take it step by step and open up gradually..

If you take little baby steps you'll end up in a good place.. even if you need to take a few steps back sometimes you will get to where you're heading - set yourself self help goals.

I think when someone feels confident in their own skin then they can begin to open up and come out of their shell and start to enjoy life..

Maybe you can start by just sitting in front of the mirror, forgetting what you and other people think of "beauty"... really think about it and see what you like, even if its just your eye colour, freckles, cheekbones, lips, hair.. anything like that and that's the tiny first baby step to feeling just that little bit more confident within your skin because you can then learn to accentuate that feature. Don't just look at your face, look at your whole body, decide what you love and go out and buy a gorgeous new outfit that will show off this asset.. I'm not saying that you need to work on your physical appearance, just improve your perception of it..

I hope this helped a little and I really hope you're feeling better soon, always remember you are not worthless, you were put on this earth for a reason, you just might not of found that reason yet..

"Whatever you do in life will be insignificant but it is very important that you do it becuase.. you can't know.. you can't ever really know the meaning of your life and you dont need to, just know your life has a meaning. Every life has a meaning wether it lasts 100 years or 100 seconds.. every life.. and every death changes the world in its own way. Ghandi knew this. He knew his life would mean something to someone, somewhere, somehow. And he knew with as much certainty that he could never know that meaning... He understood that enjoying life should be of much greater concern then understanding it. And so do I. So dont take it for granted but dont take it too seriously, dont postpone what you want, dont leave anything misunderstood. make sure the people you care about know.. make sure they know how you really feel.. because just like that; it could end."

Thank you so much for all your help. I really do try my best to be positive, but I just keep going back to feeling worthless. The truth is, my father has been a very negative influence on my life, even if most of what he does is unintentional. My dad is a good man, but he has been emotionally abusive for years now, and to be honest it takes a huge toll on me. Tonight is the perfect example. I got highlights in my hair and he told me they looked weird and he didn't like them. I know, this doesn't seem like a big deal, but I am extremely sensitive and when he says critical things like that to me I take it to heart, and it really adds to me feeling ugly and worthless. When I told him this he started yelling angrily at me telling me how ungrateful I was and that he would stop paying my tuition for university and that he couldn't take anymore of it. This always happens when I say something back at him , because he is such a hypocrite and sometimes I can't help but bite back because he calls me every name under the sun when he is angry (but he never admits it later. He seems to have no conscience and no regard for the effect his yelling and verbal abuse has on me. The truth is that I can't take it anymore, I feel utterly horrible, desperate and ready to die. I would never commit suicide but honestly I feel so horrible I don't see the point in living. I don't know what to do. I can't go on like this

Have you confronted your dad about this when he's calm? I think its more him with a problem if he loses his temper that easily at his own daughter, you're his princess! Can he not see that you're his baby girl no matter what you look like or what adjustments you make to yourself, if he doesn't like them then fair enough but there's no need to make your own daughter feel ugly. Remember: you are beautiful!

I grew up with similar behavior from my parents.

Try working with your counselor to develop self-appreciation. So that way you do not need to seek it from your father, or another man. He sounds like someone you cannot expect the type of support that would be considered normal.

Thanks for your advice and yes I have tried to reason with my dad when he is calm, but to be honest it does not do much good as he just gets angry again and often denies the horrible things he has said to me or is actually unaware of what he says when he is that enraged. I wish I could achieve some form of self appreciation, but I cant. I have this intense need for a boyfriend, I just feel so alone and invisible and I think if someone would just love me I would feel better. I know its ridiculous to expect this much from a person, but wwhat other hope do I have? I am so sensitive about everything especially when it comes to guys. All it takes is for a guy to forget my name for the 3rd time and I take it so to heartan d myself esteem just plummets instantly. I would love to be content with myself but I am so miserable, I often cry at least once a day. I no I may seem self pitying but I really don't mean it that way, I just have this feeling of complete sadness and hopelessness all the time I can't control it. I want desperately for someone to love me but no one ever does. I am constantly ignored and oerlooked by guys and I am so afraid that throughout my whole life I will never get a boyfriend and will eventually die alone. At this rate it will happen. I am like a repellent to guys in every way and to be honest I cannot see the point of my life when I am this distraught all the time. Even when I appear to be happy its in the back of my mind and I feel so futile. I don't know what to do

I have the same issue. EXACTLY. Im getting better but I do still have "frump" days--at least twice a week-- but my mom always tell me that if I want others to love me, I have to love myself first. Your whole issue in this thread... its like you're my twin or something. And for that, I love you. We are still young, my friend. Just find things to smile at OK? No matter what it is just smile OK?

Don't feel bad. It could be worse. Right now I'm in a really bad situation and I'm afraid for my emotional health. It could be a lot worse for you right now. And really it doesn't matter if people don't really notice you. If you desperately want attention, do something completely different from how you usually are. I did this same thing and a lot of people started noticing me. But one thing you should never do is be something fake. You sound really deep and I think good attention for you is to start wearing clothes that no one else would even think of wearing to school, something you like. Or start acting different, be loud and goofy, but stay focused and cute looking, this helps with people thinking your weird. And by the way, I'm not some freaky adult that has already been through school and crap, but I'm in 7th grade and I had really bad self asteem. I thought of committing suicide so many times. I even started cutting myself. Just what ever you do don't go that way because its addictive like a drug.

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Originally Posted by smcthatgirl2

thanks for your advice and yes i have tried to reason with my dad when he is calm, but to be honest it does not do much good as he just gets angry again and often denies the horrible things he has said to me or is actually unaware of what he says when he is that enraged. i wish i could achieve some form of self appreciation, but i cant. i have this intense need for a boyfriend, i just feel so alone and invisible and i think if someone would just love me i would feel better. i know its ridiculous to expect this much from a person, but wwhat other hope do i have? i am so sensitive about everything especially when it comes to guys. all it takes is for a guy to forget my name for the 3rd time and i take it so to heartan d my self esteem just plummets instantly. i would love to be content with myself but i am so miserable, i often cry at least once a day. i no i may seem self pitying but i really dont mean it that way, i just have this feeling of complete sadness and hopelessness all the time i can't control it. i want desperately for someone to love me but no one ever does. i am constantly ignored and oerlooked by guys and i am so afraid that throughout my whole life i will never get a boyfriend and will eventually die alone. at this rate it will happen. i am like a repellent to guys in every way and to be honest i cannot see the point of my life when i am this distraught all the time. even when i appear to be happy its in the back of my mind and i feel so futile. i dont know what to do

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Man I can't even tell you about how similar to me that is. My parents and everyone around me won't even know how incredibly upset I am all the time. A good thing to do is talk to a close friend you trust about how you are feeling and sometimes just telling someone helps.

I know how you feel. I used to feel the same way and I still do sometimes. The answer for me was to stop being so shy. Nothings going to change in your life unless you make a real effort to change. If you want a boyfriend or a friend, go get one. I know its easier said than done, but at least give it a try. Don't just give up and declare yourself worthless. It worked for me. I hope I helped.

You know what you need? A hug. *hug*

Listen, I knoe exactly what you are going through. Just look at my name! I had to go emo somehow! (I'm kidding)

Now, Are your parents willing to take you to see a counselor?

Yeah I know what you mean turtle girl - I feel really sad that someone else feels as crap as I do! That's horrible. I hope we both can get some confidence and try not to listen to the negative things others have to say . And ragdoll, thanks for your advice but I really don't think I want to be goofy or loud, its just not me and that ould be fake. Believe me once I get to know people I can be really out there and fun, but I just feel so self conscious I find it hard to be really confident in social situations, especially when there a guys there! Its so annoying, I can speak just fine to guys I don't feel anything other than friendship for but when I do like a guy I guess I do everything I can to avoid him and I can't talk to him! I gueess I am just worried about acting stupid and embarrassing myself, or worse, putting myself ou there and getting rejected. I think a major part of the problem is I give up on a guy I like before I even try because I just can ever see him liking me. I have no self confidence and its gotten to the point where I see no point in trying because I feel like there are so many girls that are better than me so why would they ever want me? I know that's a really negative way to look at things, but seriously at the moment its roving to be true, obviously nobody likes me, I mean I have never even had a boy like me. Also, I guess I'm worried what other people will think of me for never having a boyfriend. I mean everyone knows that no one likes me and it seems to be so easy for everyone else so I end up looking so undesirable and then no boy will ever like me because if they ever started to like me and found out that I had never had a boyfriend, wouldn't they think I was weird and that I am not good enough for them? I don't know, I'm just so worried I will always be alone, it makes me so scared, I don't want to be unloved forever

Have you tried writing down a list of things you do well?
Try writing answers to some of these questions, it might help your self-esteem a little bit:
1) Are you honest, reliable, funny, smart, practical, ambitious, shy?
2) Where do you see yourself in the next 5, 10, 15 years? (Things such as education, career, type of work)
3) What are you looking for in a guy?
4) What activities/hobbies do you enjoy?
5) What activities are interesting to you that you have never tried?

This will help you focus your energy and thoughts into more positive energy and allow you to have a better self-image. Let me know what you think.