Ask Me Help Desk - Stepfather hurts my son

Should I get a divorce if my husband got into a physical fight with my son. I want to protect my kids. I am having a lot of mixed feelings, I don't know what to do. Does anyone have advice. My son took some things and is now at a friends house, he says that he in not coming back until he is gone. Help, my kids are my life.

There is too much information missing to give a good and accurate answer. Please tell the whole story and do not be afraid if it is long.

Why did they fight? How old is your son? How long have you been married?

We need to know the ENTIRE story to give you a good answer.

:eek:

Quote:

Originally Posted by hlp4mom

Should I get a divorce if my husband got into a physical fight with my son. I want to protect my kids. I am having alot of mixed feelings, I dont know what to do. Does anyone have advice. My son took some things and is now at a friends house, he says that he in not coming back until he is gone. Help, my kids are my life.

Your kids should be number one in your life, after all their kids, and he's a adult, or should be. Is any man worth risking your kids health, welfare or mental health? HELL NO!! They are your family, your blood, the only thing that matter in this life, everything else is temporary at best!! Nowadays there is plenty of help for families in distress, your son thinks it's so bad he left,is this not the utlimate cry for help and your attention?? His taking stuff means he needs some one on one time with YOU!! Kids don't always like our choices in mates but ultimately it's our decision who's going to be in our life, but when it comes down to our children's welfare, they must come first. Get some help,every church has counseling, even if your not a member, state agencies have helplines, look in your local newspaper, or phone book, or look online for help in your town, believe me it's out there. Me and my family suffered along time cause I was scared and alone, but once out of the situation it was a lot better, sometimes you have to distance yourself from the relationship and never look back, your kids are depending on you!! You'll never regret it... ;)

I totally agree with you Lovelesspa, but there is still too much left out. If the kid pulled a knife on the step-dad, would you agree?

If the kid smacked the step-dad because the kid yelled profanities at the mother, would you agree?

I totally agree with you, but to formulate an accurate assessment, we have to know the whole story.

It's very natural and OK to be upset, have mixed feelings and doubt your relationship with your spouse. Try if you can to backoff the situation, do not make any quick decision about where to go or what to do with your relationship, family disputes, even physical confrontations between a father, son or, in your case, step father, step son are more common that you might think, time has a way of healing things but keep them apart for now until their anger subsides, let each one know that you are talking to the other one, be considerate of why each chose to apparently "fight it out", don't be judgemental, not now, just listen, be considerate. Let each one talk but not to each other right now, just to you and then later try to get them to talk to each other about what happened with you in their presence.

My son just turned 18, he is trying to get out of a 2 year relationship with a girl, she called 377 times this morning and that upset me and ultimatly my husband. I was talking to my son and he told me that he had told this girl not to call and she would not listen to him, I was trying to get my son to understand that I was not going to get into the middle of a relationship but he was my son and I was going to stand by him. He said that this girl is upset at him because of me, I apparently yelled at her a few weeks ago, I never did. He got upset with me because I was not going to apologize for something that I did not do. My husband got upset at the way my son acted towards me and got into my sons face. My son pushed him back and the fight began. I got my husband out of the room but not without a lot of hurt between my son and myself. I have always asked that my husband not to interfer with me and my kids. I was a single mom for many many years left to raise 4 kids without the support of their dad. I did it on my own and now feel that I have been violated. I cannot even look at my husband for what he had done. I have not been able to forgive him.

I don't know if your son is a "good kid" or a "bad seed", but the way I see it -

Your adult son escalated physical contact with your adult husband. Your son's behaviour to your husband was - at the very least - disrecpectful. Your husband should not have allowed himself to be drawn into a physical altercation with his 18 year old step-son.

You did the right thing by stepping to the situation and breaking up the fight. However - It was your son that initiated the physical contact, and it should be your son that comes home and apologizes for his behavior.

If your husband is a good man, he will in turn apologize to his step-son for reacting how he did, and everyone will sit down and talk this through.

Also - I would call the telephone company and report the 377 calls to your home as abuse. It should be easy to block that phone number from calling you again.

And - Try and see things from your husband's point of view. It sounds like he was trying to come to your aid.

So your husband was defending you and that caused a fight between him and your 18-year-old son and now you can't decide where your loyalties lie? Shame on you! If you have to ask, you don't even deserve to be married! If anyone needs a divorce here, it's your poor husband, not you.

Yep, adult son out, keep husband,

And when you marry and get a step father in a house, you can not and should not expect him not to have a role in rules in the home.

And you are not supporting your husband who has every right to expect respect and be treated properly in "his house too"

You should love him for supporting you and for standing his ground.

Also you need to learn to not "do it all yourself" anymore, you are married and with that you gave him rights to be involved in your life also.

Sounds like you have authority issues you need to deal with, and the husband should be posting that he is disgusted with you and your son for treating him poorly.