Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend doesn't want to have sex at all

We first met six months ago,and everything were OK.then after a month she left for five months to study at another country.I went to visit her after she being there for 3 months,we were together for 10 days,we were sleeping together,having bath together but she would not have sex with me.I asked her many times if she had another relationship or health problems or if somebody hurt her and the answer to every question was no.she said that she wants to be with me and doesn't want to break up,and that she did not know why this was happening.I just waited for her to come back not so stressed and now she is back,we are together,we are sleeping together but still no sex.she keeps saying that she just needs time but two days ago she said that nothing is able to turn her on.she is in a kind of a depression,always sad and nervous.I asked her if she wanted to visit a speciallist with me and she reacted very bad to the suggestion.I love her and want to be with her but I just know what to do.she won't discuss the matter anymore so I don't talk to her about it.she is 22 and I am 27.thank you for any help

Maybe she needs to adjust to the 2 of you being back together. As you stated, although you've been sharing the same bed, there hasn't been any sexual intercourse. Depression could also be the cause, if it's something like depression she should seek out help from a medical practitioner or councelor. She may not want to discuss the issue because she's young and maybe uncomfortable with the fact that she's not able to be turned on. Being aroused is not only a physical state but also a mental one. In all honesty I don't think that her being away for several months is the reason that there has been no sex, since you hadn't been intimate prior to that. Has she had sexual relations before?

Maybe she just wants to wait. What's the rush?

For whatever reasons she doesn't want sex, its something you should respect.

Maybe she is a virgin, or has issues she isn't ready to share with you. Doesn't matter, if you can't wait until she is absolutely ready, leave her alone.

NO PRESSURE!!!!! I mean NONE from you.

She is not a virgin,we have had sex at the begginining all the time.of course and I'm going to wait,as I said I care for her.thank you

Quote:

Originally Posted by frostybabygurl

Maybe she needs to adjust to the 2 of you being back together. As you stated, although you've been sharing the same bed, there hasn't been any sexual intercourse. Depression could also be the cause, if it's something like depression she should seek out help from a medical practitioner or councelor. She may not want to discuss the issue because she's young and maybe uncomfortable with the fact that she's not able to be turned on. Being aroused is not only a physical state but also a mental one. In all honesty I don't think that her being away for several months is the reason that there has been no sex, since you hadn't been intimate prior to that. Has she had sexual relations before?

yes she did,but never an affair

First, I get that you really care for her. To be as intimate as you say without sexual gratification would be a strain. I also get that you are not pressuring her. That comes through in your posts.

But, I think she has a serious problem. Since you did have sexual relations in the beginning, I see two possibilities. Either she regrets being intimate so early in your relationship and is testing how much you really care or she has suffered some trauma that is killing her sexual appeitite. If it's the first, just wait it out. If it's the second, which I suspect it is, she needs some therapy ON HER OWN to get past it.

Thank you scott,I suspect the second version too but she will not visit a doctor of any kind.yes I do care a lot for her but not having sex and not talk about it makes the nights umcomfortable and harms the whole relationship issue.you know,when I even mention it she gets really angry..

You really care for her you need to let your feelings be known, that you are attracted to her and that you love her and you are waiting for her to be ready, then... you need to wait.

This has to be on her terms. It would be a good suggestion for her to see someone but she needs to want that first and obviously doesn't.

This isn't an easy situation, I know, but the only way it will be right is if you both are comfortable so the only thing you can do is wait. I know its not proactive but it's the only option.

If you use to have sex all the time, and you are not now. I too find that rather odd. My girlfriend is the same way and I do not understand it all. We wouldn't even kiss anymore, well besides a peck. She has now started to kiss me lol so there is a step forward. She is on her time of the month right now, But I think I would have got lucky on v day because she really wanted to lol. And last night she did too. So I am hoping we do it when the time of the month is over. But I gave up asking and trying. I thought if anything it will just damper the situation. I looked at it from a different light, and thought to myself what is missing from our relationship. What would make her happy? What would make her feel like getting intimate.. To be honest what I have been doing has been really simple. I just started to care less! Like not being such a wuss, not always complaining and asking why this, why that? I also would not initiate any contact, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc. No negative feedback from me either, if I had something negative to say(ie, she talks about her day at work, about co workers, I would normally shoot them down lol there such losers, but now I would just listen)
I think this has all helped tremedously, and she has opened up so much more and confides in me a lot more. We were pretty much over, but now, she constantly tells me how cute I am, how I am so funny, how she feels she can tell me anything and she trusts me completely. She has been all over me emotionly and physically! Future with us is looking bright once again.

It was a easy change I made for myself, and the results I have been getting have just made the change that much easier to do.

I am not saying your girl is feeling like mine was, but I know how you feel to be in your situation. And that is just basically what I have been doing to get us back on track.
I show her no more love then she shows me, she must she me more for now on, or else I don't show any more than she does :)

Also note my girl I think suffers from depression too. She doesn't want to go get help, because she has to tell her employer any medication she is taking, also employer pays for it, and she is too embarrassed for them to know.

Thank you dynocompe,I do the same lately.. we ll see :)