My 15 year old told me she is pregnant. She doest live with me. We don't even live in the same state. I don't even know what to think or do for that matter. I do know that Im very angry and disappointed. She is so young. She lived with me until she was 14. Her dad & I got divorced when she was 10. She went to visit her dad for Christmas at the end of 2008 and ended up staying there for 6 months. I was surprised & confused that she would make that decision since she wasn't too fond of her dad. She had a lot of resentment for him for leaving and remarring so soon. After a while she came to live back w/me because she was unhappy with her dad. At first I was concerned that she wanted to come back for other reasons and not so much cause she missed me. I soon found out about a good for nothing guy she was talking too the whole time she was away. He was 18 and I was very against their relationship but nothing I did worked to keep her away from him. I threatened him about how he could go to jail for many reasons. After 3 months I discovered they were having sex. She was very angry with me and wanted to move back with her father. I told her I wanted her to succed in life and with this guy around it wasn't going to happen. She was blind when it came to him. She would break every rule and later apologize and cry and tell me how sorry she was and that she would try to behave. She would lie and I would eventually find out .I wanted to believe her because I love her no matter what. She went back to live w/her dad in Sep. I thought that things were OK because that is what she would tell me every time I asked her. She would tell me how much she missed us and was doing her best because she wanted to be someone in life. To make the long story short she is pregnant and Im devastated for her. Its so hard for an adult to raise a child and work and everything else that needs to be done. She is 15 my goodness. The baby's dad is 19 and she told me that it wasn't against her will and needs me. Im very angry. She isn't my only chiild I have 2 others to care for. She made an adult decision and now she needs to figure out what it is to be responsible. I always told her that she could tell me anything else no matter how bad and even if I was mad I would try my best to help her. But she didn't need my help when she decided to have sex. My mind goes back and forth I don't know what to do. I do know that she needs to stay with her dad where she wanted to be. She couldn't wait to leave my side because she thought that 3 years with my rules was too much. Is anyone going through anything similar? I need your input. I love her so much and it breaks my heart that she messed up her life so young. I wanted her to have wondeful experiences but she was in such a hurry to grow up.

In my suggestion you need to be there for her of course because her child doesn't deserve to be impoverished for her mistake. However, I would influence her to put the child up for adoption. If you watch the show "16 and pregnant" (heck I would even have her watch it!) you can see a couple who decided to go down the adoption path and were very happy. Be strong and do not take it personally. Children make mistakes and she was only thinking about herself. You need to be strong and get some facts on adoption. That way she can move on. I don't know about in other states but if he is over 18 it is statutory rape and that's illegal. So you can get law on your side and get that boy away from your daughter.

I can understand your grief and anger.

However, she's still actually a teenager and at her age, it's really difficult to comprehend the consequences of any decision. Your ex husband has a lot to answer for because this has happened under his watch - and I assume, he has a serious duty of care.

However, what's done is done. You can't unscramble the egg. She has to take responsibility for her decisions - even though you may not agree with the outcomes and she may not fully understand the outcomes.

I would be suggesting she gets counseling to understand what her options are. I would not be influencing her towards adoption, birth or abortion - but I would be indicating what the alternatives are.

Don't be too quick to assume that it's all downhill from here. Just because she's pregnant at 15 does not mean she'll have a wonderful life. Who knows where this decision may take her in the years to come?

It's hard to be supportive in the face of something that seems so disappointing - but in the end, that's all you can be, and I'm sure if you can manage to keep brave in the face of this adversity, she will thank you for it in years to come.

If you need help with talking to her about adoption let me know. I have some experience with this.

Also, it sounds like you are a great mom and I can tell by all your posts how worried you are about your daughter. Right now she is confused and acting out. Maybe getting her back under your roof and getting her some counseling would benefit her.

She has MANY options. If you need a shoulder or a friend I am here. IM me and I will share my email address.

God Bless!

Are you going to contact the authorities? You forewarned this kid, and yet he still committed statutory rape. He had sex with a child. For that, he should be punished.

I will not give you advice on how to handle the pregnancy, that's a tough decision, and not mine to make. It's so easy for someone on the outside to suggest abortion, or adoption. It's not THEIR grandchild in that womb. It's not hard for them to make a life changing decision on getting rid of a child. Be careful of advice from those who have nothing to lose .

I know that they are trying to help, but it's simply not that easy.

May God grant you strength and peace.

I am 14, a year younger then your daughter.
And it might not be helpful, but if this was me, I would want my mom who has had experience with kids and birth with me, but I would want my mom to talk to me, without yelling, and raising her voice, it makes things better, and I wouldn't want to do it alone.
_kaitlyn

Unfortunately,we have something in common .my daughter is 15 and has just told me she is pregnant.yes I am devistated.I do have one advantage if that's what I should call it. And that is I was the exact age when I had my first child whom is now 22 and a very successful young man.she doesn't live with me about 200 miles away,she is one frightened little girl and knows she has made one of the biggest mistakes of her life.one thing is she trusted me enough to call and ask questions and finally trusted me to tell me , my first reaction was to yell but I didn't I stayed calm and talked to her about everything, last cycle ,telling her dad, what her options are, and that no matter what how upset , mad or disappointed I am I love her and only want what's best for her it's her choice what she does and I will stand by her no matter what if that's to bring her here with me or whatever . One thing I've learned is kid's make adult decisions with young minds some are good some aren't . We can shove blame on whom ever but none of that matters in the end , what does is we as parents are there for our children good or bad .
I wish you luck