Hi I need serious help here.. I'll try and make the story short and please give me your opinions. I have a boyfriend who I'm very happy with he is what I have been looking for and I think he could be the one.. Everything is going really well between us except for one thing.

I have this ex and me and him have never really moved on. We broke up over a year ago now and were together for about a year.. well he broke up with me actually but it seems like his feelings for me have never really gone away because we have kept in touch all this time and whenever I don't contact him it won't be too long before he does etc.

Anyway he has a girlfriend now too which makes it even more complicated. Every time we see each other our chemistry is so... intense. And we have talked about how much we want each other but that it would be wrong so never acted on it. Well this all changed a few days ago.. I feel so guilty doing this to my boyfriend because I love him so much but I also have feelings for my ex still and its so confusing!

We only kissed but it was amazing and now my ex says he wants to make it a regular thing.. he never mentioned anything about leaving his girlfriend and in all seriosness I don't think I could leave my boyfriend but still can't seem to get my ex out of my head and I feel horrible! So what to do? I obviously can't keep this going but how do I switch off the powerful passion I feel for him? I've never felt anything like it before and it seems like he feels the same I can't even remember why we broke up anymore and neither does he..

Hi, Julia_!

Do you really love your boyfriend?

Thanks!

If you really love your boyfriend and want to stay with him, stop ALL contact with your ex. Go No Contact and get rid of every way you have of contacting him, defriend him on any social networking sites you might have friended him on, block his email and phone number and delete messages both voice and text unread or heard.

If you don't love your boyfriend, leave and go No Contact with both of them. Take time to heal from both break ups and allow yourself to move on from both of them. Then find someone who you can be faithful to and who won't be a rebound.

Your ex is in a relationship (So are you for that matter). You are both unavailable to each other. Think about how you would feel if your boyfriend was playing this game with an ex of his. If that thought doesn't hurt or upset you, think about why and whether you are in a good relationship.

It sounds like you are both caught up in the memories, hormones, and the 'spice' of an illicit relationship. HE broke up with you and you don't remember why. I think if you actually sit down and give yourself a chance you will remember and I think you need to give yourself a chance to work through that pain and hurt before it happens all over again only with four people involved instead of two.

I don't think she loves her BF, if she does she should not cheat on him and see her EX.

How old are you?

John

Lets see, a potential future mate versus the ex who has a girlfriend?

You would be pretty dumb to even consider the ex, especially since it didn't work before, and he has a new girl. That alone makes him a liar, and cheater.

That you are even talking to the guy and considering going back to this liar, and cheater, proves you don't love your boyfriend, and makes you a liar, and cheater also.

Your solution is to not be a liar, and cheater, and cut the liar, and cheater, out of your life completely, and tell your boyfriend all about it, just to be fair, and honest.

This is why ex's sometimes can't be friends! Lol
Cut the ex out of your life. Bring passion to the relationship with your new boyfriend

I skimmed through your question.

I'll say this from the words of a Filipino author named Bob Ong.

"If you are in love with 2 people, you might as well love the 2nd one because you dont really love the first one"


BTW, I forgot to add

You have to think of this really carefully, You have to decide which person makes you happier and go with that. It never is simple but hey, you'll get your answer! I guarantee that! :)

BACKWARD NEVER, FORWARD EVER!! Always think of this words and bear them in mind. Cheating with your ex will be waste of time, he is trying to use you for his own sexual satisfaction, he is player. Concentrate on your relationship and stop fooling yourself with your ex. If you go back to your ex you will get hurt and loose your boyfriend and be miserably single, is that what you want?? So think with your head not your eyes

Thanks so much for your answeres! I need to hear these things, of course I know all this its just hard when your emotions are involved I just can't let my feelings for him cloud my judgement..

I do really care about my boyfriend! I guess if I am being really honest I kind of hoped that some day down the line my ex and I would get back together.. But its just so tainted now. Its just my feelings are so strong for him and the way he is with me it seems like he feels the same! But I guess it can't be since he is with someone else now and doing to her what he did to me..

Good then put what we telling you into action

But isn't it even possible a little bit that maybe my ex and I are meant to be.. I mean its been so long and we still haven't really moved in and we have such chemistry! Has no one ever experienced this before?

You can't think like, I stay with my current boyfriend, and once my ex tells me he wants me back, you are going to break up with your boyfriend. That's not fair, and really mean.

You have to decide if you want to continue with your current boyfriend, don't let it depend on your ex's behavior, and decisions!

You both have other people in your lives but rather be with each other? I don't think so!

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But it seems like his feelings for me have never really gone away because we have kept in touch all this time and whenever I don't contact him it won't be too long before he does etc.

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He dumped you but kept the fire going by keeping the fanning the flames. But he also went and got some one else to, so that makes him a liar and cheater doesn't it? Oh and since your with someone else too, I guess you're a liar and cheater as he is.

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He never mentioned anything about leaving his girlfriend and in all seriousness I don't think I could leave my boyfriend

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So you two liar's and cheaters want to keep cheating with each other? That's par for the course.

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But isn't it even possible a little bit that maybe my ex and I are meant to be.. I mean its been so long and we still haven't really moved on and we have such chemistry! Has no one ever experienced this before?

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Yes as I think most people whether in a relationship, or even married have experienced this great chemistry with others, and even with exes. The choice to act on it is your choice though, and since you both are so unwilling to leave your partners and take a chance on this so called great chemistry, you can only be liars, to the ones you claim you want to be with, and cheat and enjoy this great chemistry on the side, and in the dark away from the public eye.

As I said, and I doubt you can dispute this sounds like two lying cheaters who want to do what liars and cheaters do best.

You may not control how you feel, or who you feel it with, but you can control what you do about it.

Maybe you two should leave who your with, and enjoy the great chemistry without hurting others in the process. That's the right way to do it.

But I suspect your being used by someone who knows how you feel about him, and is attempting to use those feelings to drag you down to his level, (liar, cheater) so he can have some sex on the side.

Of course you don't believe that as all you can see is the great chemistry.

Chemistry is another word for lust, and is no excuse for crossing the boundaries of good behavior.

You do know about boundaries don't you? You do know about good behavior don't you?

What?? All you know about is great chemistry?! Learn the whole lesson, and not just the part that makes you feel good. There are consequences a plenty for bad behavior. Good behavior brings blessings with it.

So see, you have a choice to make, so make it based on facts, and not just feelings, or expect to pay for it.

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Originally Posted by Jaytdk

BACKWARD NEVER, FORWARD EVER!!!!!Always think of this words and bear them in mind. Cheating with your ex will be waste of time, he is trying to use you for his own sexual satisfaction, he is player. Concentrate on your relationship and stop fooling yourself with your ex. If you go back to your ex you will get hurt and loose your boyfriend and be miserably single, is that what you want??????????????? So think with your head not your eyes

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As always, consider the source. Talk about a double standard.https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-449270-4.html

I think your both being unfair to your partners. How can you love your boyfriend you are with if you are kissing the ex? Am I missing something! You both deserve each other because you are both cheating.

Ok I met up with him the other night and we were just sitting there and I was thinking man this is sh*t can't believe I've turned into a cheater! Felt so guilty! So I just said we should leave and that I'm really confused because I still have feelings for him and think that we should have never broken up but I'm happy with my boyfriend and I won't cheat on him. I'm just happy that I stopped it before it got too far. Even though it was really bad at least I didn't sleep with him.. And he was like yeah this is probably a bad idea we should probably just forget about it for a while... ha what does that even mean? A while... Anyway it won't be for a while. I just won't see him anymore.

Why does it have to be so hard though? I actually really do love my boyfriend but then this guy is on my mind a lot too. I don't know if its possible to love 2 people but.. And then I think how could I possibly love my ex he's not the person I thought he was.. The reason I fell in love with him in the first place was because I thought he was this amazing person and he's proven over and over that he's nothing but a liar and cheater and yet still I want to believe he's good! Ahh what's wrong with me!

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

It takes A LOT to change your own personality to the point where you do not repeat past actions. (I know this from self experience)

He is cheating on his Girlfriend with you. That's wrong, end it and forget it if you want to stay with your boyfriend, and for god's sake Don't let him find out.

Well who makes you happier? Who makes you laugh? Who do you mostly have fun with? Your ex or your boyfriend now?

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Originally Posted by Julia_

Why does it have to be so hard tho?! I actually really do love my bf but then this guy is on my mind a lot too. I dont know if its possible to love 2 people but.. And then i think how could i possibly love my ex he's not the person i thought he was..The reason i fell in love with him in the first place was because i thought he was this amazing person and he's proven over and over that he's nothing but a liar and cheater and yet still i want to believe he's good! ahh whats wrong with me!

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There is nothing wrong with you other than you didn't allow yourself to heal from your previous relationship. Instead of allowing yourself to put his memories away and letting the feelings fade, you put them aside and didn't deal with them. You allowed false hope to simmer and it boiled over. Time to clean up the mess it made.

Personally, I think you need to take a mini-vacation and give yourself some 'me' time to get your thoughts and feelings in order.

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I actually really do love my boyfriend but then this guy is on my mind a lot too. I don't know if its possible to love 2 people but

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Some one being on your mind may not be love, considering his character, but getting over any strong , intense feeling takes time. You haven't had enough time yet, to put those old feelings in perspective, and cope with them.