Threads merged, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Hey all. This might be long... I'm sorry but I feel like I need to type my thoughts out.

I've been in a relationship with a girl who was, what seemed to be, 101% there for me. She loved me. I loved her. Somehow, everything fell apart. She brought up how I didn't do the small things for her. She was there for me only 2% after one random day. Maybe she felt that I wasn't there 101% for her... After that, she may/may not have been lying about things. She began hanging out with another guy and hanging with me less. I felt like I couldn't trust her, so I broke it off and began no contact. It's been a week... but a month of not being "together" as normal...

I want to leave her a note on her car. I want to let her know that I hope one day she will be ready for US again. That's all... I don't want to beg because I know it's her decision and I can't change how she feels. I just want to put it out there that I want us to be back together one day. Then continue no contact and suffering. I will see her when the semester begins next week, and I just want to know if a note like this would be beneficial in getting her to perhaps think about working things out.

Giving her a note may help the situation. But just let time tell. Don't try to force her to come back to you. Just let her do it on her on time. And if she never comes back. Best thing to do is move on. And when you see her just ignore her. Don't pay attention to her and do what you got to to do. And it might be temting to talk and also hard. But just try. And you can give her the or not. Its your choice. But just think it through don't rush. It's a slowly process that takes time. Goodluck.

No don't-stick to NC.
A note will only set you back and you are the one you should take care of now.

If a guy put a note on my car, even if I thought he was great, I would think that was a nerdy thing to do. She's with another guy still, right? She doesn't sound like she is on the same page.

The no contact will be a way to get your head clear.

Write your note, and then burn it. This way you get what you need to say out but don't break NC at the same time

A note!

Your just letting her know your still in to her and your needy..

Don't do it.

With all the 101% and 2 % there was no mention of 50%.. a relationship is half and half,it belongs to both people.

She doesn't want you.. move on,don't look back,learn from this.

Thanks guys,

Lol I see the majority says "NO DON'T DO IT." Well guys, I actually ended up texting her, just my thoughts. Didn't beg, I just mentioned it was hard. No reply. So I guess I really am on my own. Yeah I probably looked pathetic and she might have laughed and deleted it. Whatever.

My main problem... It's so hard... I cracked. When you have one thing, and you lose it and you have nothing... it's just hard. I can't quite figure out what I want in life. I'm about to spend a semester taking design classes. I liked it once, but I have no passion for it anymore and it doesn't make me happy. I've been looking since I graduated H/S 4 years ago and I don't know why but I can't find ONE thing I could stand doing for the rest of my life. I have no friends, not because I can't make them, but I seem to not like most people. I mean I'm friendly, but I don't care past acquaintances. I wake up just to sit and stare at a wall basically all day, and my favorite part is going back to sleep. There's no one I can fall back on. Having a girlfriend to love makes every other aspect of my life bearable. Nothing else makes me happy. I honestly don't know how I will make the rest of this 10 hours of today. My first breakup with my first girlfriend wasn't this bad, I had a job to keep me busy, but I just got freaking fired last month. I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it when I hate everything about my life and when I have nothing. If my life had substance that I WOULD ACTUALLY ENJOY, I'd be fine.

I don't know. I'm hoping I'll find a girl when the semester starts, but honestly I know that's not the solution, considering nothing is certain and that might not last. I need to fix myself but I don't know how. I don't even have a hobby... lol. I feel like therapy might do something, but that's money I don't have. I just don't know.

It happens, lesson learnt. Check out my signature for no contact related threads.

The pity pot does not suit you.

Everyone goes through break ups,and they are hard,a girlfriend or boyfriend is not the be all and end all...

If you learn anything from this,learn only youcan fulfill you,and only you can make you happy,don't rely on anyone else to make you feel good.

A relationship should enhance your life.

Get up,get dressed and get out side.

Look for a job,look for the something you want to do,get busy!

Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't know what they want to do.

YOU make it happen.

YOU be the master of your own life.

The girl is gone and she does not care... try and forget her and work on yourself now.

You need to find somebody to talk to,through college or your local church. And seek advise regarding your future studies.
Also,find another job.
It's about keeping busy now,not staring at the walls.
You need to find happiness being you before you can share you with another person.

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Originally Posted by llibbill

Having a girlfriend to love makes every other aspect of my life bearable. Nothing else makes me happy.

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Well this seems to be the root of your problem right here... NEVER make anyone the sole reason for happiness in your life.

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I honestly don't know how I will make the rest of this 10 hours of today.

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What have you been doing for your entire life before she came along?

Quote:

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I don't know. I'm hoping I'll find a girl when the semester starts, but honestly I know that's not the solution, considering nothing is certain and that might not last.

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Trying to fill a void that you need to fill by yourself with another relationship isn't the answer - and is ultimately unfair to that person too!

Quote:

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I need to fix myself but I don't know how. I don't even have a hobby... lol. I feel like therapy might do something, but that's money I don't have. I just don't know.

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That's where we can help, IF you are willing to listen. Start exercising. If you can't afford a gym membership, jogging/running/walking is free! So are push-ups, sit-ups, etc. Not only does this help with your health but also produces feel good chemicals in your body. More natural than any drug available out there with no side-effects!

If you're like any other human on the planet, I'm sure there are subjects that interest you. Perhaps it's reading books (free at the library) or gazing at the stars at night or cooking. Pick what suits your fancy and explore it. By exploring these interests and passions, it will help you find your path. Perhaps you feel a certain level of fulfillment by helping others or maybe that deep sense of purpose comes from creating things. You won't know until you do it.

These are only a few examples on how you can start fixing yourself - we've only scratched the surface. Plenty more can be found by reading through the stickies and threads here. You've been offered some very good advice and suggestions from the people here - now get to it!

***Sorry, long post. I don't have anyone else to rant to so bear with me... skip down a couple paragraphs for the tl;dr version

I posted something about this girl a month or so ago, anyway the backstory: We've been together for a year and a few months, suddenly she started acting different, started hanging out with these new people and hiding it from me, and pretty much avoided me (presumably to spend time with them) which eventually lead me to break it off. I called her lying trash. We stopped talking, and like a week later (which happened to be the same day she saw me talking to another girl) she texted me saying she was sorry for acting how she did and doing what she did.

Now, I'm assuming she's doing the whole "I'm a girl. Oh my god my ex is talking to another girl after I screwed him over. I'm a girl. I must stop this because even when he's not with me he must only think about me. I'm a girl." BS. But either way, I ended up replying. She said she missed me, I said I missed her. A few days after that we spent time together - everything felt right. So I brought up getting back together and she basically tells me "I like my 'freedom' and I don't know if our relationship will be how it was." She sent me the vibe that we won't ever be back together. So I did the right thing, and said it'd be better to stop going through the motions of being together but not actually being together. She won't commit to me. As soon as I said "Goodbye" she immediately started saying she wanted everything to work out and wanted us to get back together.

*tl;dr*

I say "Lets get back together."; I get "I like my freedom and we wont work"
I say "Ok then, why are we teasing the situation? Lets stop talking to each other and go our separate ways"; I get "Ohhhh but I want to talk to you, I want everything to work out"

Its difficult. How do I get her to either be with me or leave me alone? When she gives me this false hope that everything will work out (I know it won't, because if she 'wanted everything to work' like she says, she would BE WITH ME WORKING IT OUT AND NOT OUT WITH SOME OTHER DUDES) I get weak and I just keep on talking to her, and getting hurt when I try to get back in a relationship with her and she says no.

Has anyone been in this confusing situation? Any advice? Should I just straight up avoid her? It's hard as hell... She even said "Monday I'm attacking you"... as in... Sexy time!! I'm a guy... to turn down the only source of sex right now? HARD AS HELL! :p Just kidding, it's way more than that.

I am in the same situation right now as we speak, except she doesn't really hang out with anyone else but me.
So don't ask me! But everyone says that you are her safety net, and always just wants you to be there for her, so if she feels lonely she has someone until she finds someone new. They advise, NC and move on.

IF she really wanted to be with you, she wouldn't be playing these games and would want to be in a relationship and make it work!

Lol we posted on each others posts at the same time

Don't be her backup plan or friend with benefits.

End the confusion,go NC and go live your own life.

Dude its been a month since your last post! Think of how much stronger you would have been if you were still on no contact? Have you done anything with your life yet?

Do u still stare at the walls every morning? Or do you get up drink a glass of OJ take your vitamins and exercise?

Do u know your direction in your occupation yet?

Do u have any hobbies yet?

Man get out of bed and take your sorrow hat off and improve yourself!! This chick sounds like a chump that you need to dump and move on from the slumps, start no contact now! Don't sit at it! Jump!!

Talaniman Rule-Stay off the pity pot.

Dude you can cry, and complain all you want, but until you actually get about doing things for yourself, and depending on you, and not some one else to make you happy, you will always be miserable, and like any junkie dope fiend, looking for the next fix.

When you don't know what you want, get up and try something new. Anything is better than the pathetic excuses you seem to believe in.

Muhahah, I have an update:

The pain is gone (new one in my tooth though), and I can honestly say that it doesn't matter if I ever get back with her. Ever since I posted this question, I've been 'seeing' her (notice, she was cheating on the new guy by having sex with me every week) but day by day, I realized she isn't even girlfriend material and I shouldn't be whining anymore. It's kind of like we're together, but we aren't. There's just random days where she's in my bed lol. So, I just go with the flow, but while focusing on myself and finding someone new. I recently got a job, a crappy mall job, but one where I'll be out there to meet people and friends. That made me feel better. My co-workers are pretty cute. That made me feel better, too lmao. Yesterday she told me she broke up with the guy and she was happy about it. The indifference I feel about it is great. If she does start with the whole "Lets try again" thing, I can't. Not yet. Now SHE can try, and I'll do what she did back in January and say "I don't knowww I cannnnt I don't knowww but I love youuu but I don't knoww". :)

I still "have nothing", but I have goals now. Along with work, I'm going to read up on web design on my own and hopefully start a real career that way. Apparently, if you've got talent and know how to do it, you can get a job in that field without a degree. I know I can do it. It might be a long shot, but it's something that's keeping me going. Something to work towards.

Thank you guys for giving me advice and giving me an outlet of some sort. I knew I'd be OK with time, it just sucks when everything crashes down so fast. I'm just glad I can start building again.

Good your life is back on track.
Now dump the 'friend with benefits'=the serial cheating ex.

And go see your dentist.