I have been dating this girl for around two years. In August we went on break for about a month. I gave her the space she needed and pretty much ignored her texts to the point, where I told her do not text me anymore, if you want to chat call me. So she did about a month later and we were back together again shortly after that. Now about 6 months later the same thing happened she wanted another break! So this time I said OK take your break, this was all through texting! Man I hate texting! Anyway I said please do not contact me unless you are sure you want to get back together this time really want us to work. So only a week later she texts me! What are you doing? I just ignored the text and went to my garage! After being outside all day and in the garage, I come inside to find 4 missed calls from her. So here I thought OK, she must really want to talk/or made up her mind that she wants me back. So I waited for it to ring again and I answered. She wanted to hang out, I really assumed that she figured out she wanted me back. So I agreed to hang out the next evening, and we have been hanging out every night ever since! This has been going on for about two weeks. Now our relationship to me I think is great, we hardly ever fight, and we really do have fun with each other no matter what we are doing, even if its just sitting on the couch. I think the biggest problem is I treat her too good!
Also is what I don't get, is we haven't had sex in over a month, and we hardly kiss. We do kiss, but its like a short pec, like a kiss you give your grandma. No passion!
I asked her tonight , if we are in a relationship or what, and she said she doesn't want that, she just wants to continue to hang out as we are. She said she wants to be able to go out and not worry about me. But she never goes out? PLus I have never had aproblem with her going out! So I don't get this part, I mean she hasn't went out in like 6 months or more!
So then I told her why did you call me then. I told you not to contact me unless you were sure I was what you wanted! I said I can't handle this, I am not going to be with someone who doesn't show me love back. And I said its over, and she was like well I am just going to call you and text you anways, I won't be able to help it. I said why? And she was like we have so much fun together! So I said well then why do you not want to date? She says that she is not sure if this is what she wants, and that I want to be more serious than she does. WE have been dating for 2 years! Lol
SO I said no, this is over, and she asks me to hang out with her for one month more and see how she feels?
Isn't this weird? The dumper is the one wanting the dumpee to hang with them?
ANd she still kisses me when I do something for her, or make her laugh. I am very very very confused?
What do I do?
How do I make our relationship have that passion again? We use to have sex almost daily!
Now her excuse is she feels dirty after we do it. And she doesn't want to have a real kiss like a make out, because it leads to sex!
She says she isn't in love with me anymore, but really likes me and thinks she could love me again.
Why doesn't she want to hang out everyday?
Why does she still act like she loves me! SHe will even slip the I love you, then she catches herself and kind of retracts it! It honestly feels like she is fighting against our love. I know it sounds weird! But its really how I see it.
The reason too, that she hasn't gone out much, is because her ex from two years ago still stlaks her and she is scared he is going to be out, he has keyed my truck, drives by her house and mine all the time! And he went after me at a hockey game with his stick, speared me right in the gut!
So she is scared if we go out he is going to cause trouble, she is too chicken to get a restraining order on him also and doesn't want to deal with it. We live in a small town, and she doenst want the rumors to fly around about her.
The guy is quite abit larger than me, but I go out when I want still , we hang out in the same crowd of friends, so he isn't really there when I am, also I got the bigger friends on my side haha. But the gf/ex doenst want to deal with the fighting. This is perhaps why I thnk she wants the break, kind of tired of not being able to get to do what she wants to do. So if I am not in the picture fully, I think she thinks she will have more freedom from her ex.
Its kind of rambled sorry, I hope this all make sense, and you guys can give any insight on this situation. This is my first post , but I have read the forums and like your guys opinions and have used them before and helped me a lot! Sorry its so long, but its not the average problem, I don't think anyway! Hopefully it is, so there is a good easy solution

I can't honestly see a solution to this other than you tell her enough is enough.
She wants you around,as a safety net,yet she is not willing to work towards having a relationship again.

You're the backup plan and the fallback guy.
Don't be,you have the right idea about NC as in NO contact at all.
Tell her to not call,text or show up at your place.
Then disappear,don't be avialable for hang-outs etc.

Think about it,it's the second time she has done this to you.
How many more times are you willing to go through the same old scenario?

As for the exboyfriend-thats her problem now.
Should he bother you again,I hope you take out a restraining order against him.

You're her safety net, this way she can continue to have her cake and eat it too. She's getting the best of both worlds, a guy who treats her good and she doesn't have to be alone and when she finds someone new, she can cut ties easily. You are on the right track by telling her it's over. Go NC completely are move on from this mind game playing girl

Thanks for the input! If she is playing these games which I even told her she was, so this is definitely not really news to me. Just had to get a outsiders opinion! Time to play them back! Hahaha I am going to not be meeting her needs, and doing what I want to do! And better my life as if we were not still together. Take some control over this situation, and she can do as she pleases, in my head she is gone anyway! I am just tired of these two year relationships then them ending! This is like my 4th one! I am just ready to be with that one that will work it out always, and want to keep things fresh and fun. I always think, if there was once a spark, it can always be ignited again! That is if trust, faithfulness, honesty is all still there!
I am 27, have 3 brothers who are all married with kids! But not me!
There is no other women in my town I would even consider dating. Either been there, or all my friends have! Not good if your single!
Maybe not meeting her every need and not always being there, will make her want it a bit with a effort, then I will just put in as much effort as she does, never more. I am going to try this
I am sure you don't agree! But we have too much history to pack it in. If she isn't letting go yet, I think there is hope to turn on the fire.
Keep you posted lol

Playing games never works,if you want the kind of relationship you say you do,then that's how not to get it.

Your 27,there's a big world out there,and there are single women in it,don't limit yourself to a small town,your settling for a maybe OK relationship instead of a great relationship.

If she is not willing to commit after two years,she not going to commit.

Once you accept that you can move on to bigger and better.

I have businesses here, so I will not be moving anytime soon.
I am not into playing games no. But all the mambo jambo I have been reading on the internet, seems like there is a lot of games involved to have the upper hand lol These sites really starting to confuse me. It seems like the answer is always leave her! Leave her! Why never is there a way to find the real problem? And fix it, I think this world needs more relationship fixes, get the divorce rate down! I think our relationship was great, and is the best I have ever had and would love for her to be my wife.
I really would do whatever it takes here. So I was hoping of more answers to get the spark back. As you guys say, actions speak louder than words right. Well her actions are that is still wanting to be here, and is having fun, and even loves me! As she even slips it out , more than once! But just her words say otherwise! Nobody knows we are on a break either, just me and her. I don't know, I want to make this work. She comes from a great family, has high morales. Very pretty , nice, great with kids, honest and trust worthy, even has a good job.
Her parents were very strict, and she never got to party a lot in her teens, so I think that has a lot to do with this. SHe feels like she is missing out.
But just so you know, I am not ready to take the advice of dumping her yet.
I think it has got to be something I am doing, since I have been in so many relationships and none have worked out.
Usually I got cheated on, thankfully she isn't like that.

Instead of emotion look at the facts you stated in your post.

She does not want to have sex.

The ex of 2 years ago,is still on her mind,granted in a negative way,and she has not got a court order against him.

She is not saying I love,or stopping herself.

She comes and goes in your life.

I'm not saying she is a bad person at all,but you can't fix a relatonship with only one interested party.

When both people want to work on a relationship,that's when the 'how to fix/help' comes into action.

Even by your own post complete strangers to you can see she deos not want to commit to you or a relationship.

What I meant by outside your town is going into a different town for a night out or social activity.

Nearest town is 150 kms away. I live in the north in Canada, very secluded.
The nearest city is over 5 hour drive. Lol
I just watched the movie fireproof, and there was only one person in that marriage willing to make it work! Lol I know its movie, but I truly believe that can happen. I would rather try it and see. I bought the book, for the 40 day entries and I am on day 3! I hope it works.

I am not worried about her ex boyfriend at all, she shows me every text he sends her. Her texts to him consist of leave me alone! I hope you die. The guy drinks a lot so he texts mainly when he is drunk. And rarely gets a reply.
On christmas day, he drove by her house, and the whole family was outside the house, and everyone looked at him and waved. It was very very funny! Her family hates him with passion.
You have to go to court to get a restraining order, it isn't a easy process, we have looked into this. We would have to be in the court room with him at the same time.

You are wasting your time. She wants a hang out buddy, you want more. Your not going to get it, and are being led on.

All I hear are excuses, and false hope.

Just about everybody that posts would like to have a quick fix for their relationship problems, but sometimes there just isn’t a fix at all. Sorry.

I know you love her and would really like to have it work out, but she’s not in love with you, she just wants to hang onto you “in case” something else doesn’t come about or works out. As others have said, you want a girlfriend and lover, but she just wants a hang out buddy. It’s not your fault. She’s the one with the problem.

She wants her freedom but wants to still have the security of knowing you’re there for her. She might be scared of being totally on her own, so she still has you as that psychological safety net.

You can’t get the spark back unless she wants the relationship to work. All the suggestions in the world won’t help eliminate her lame excuses for not having sex or kissing you.

Wow. I just made a post very similar to this. And I see the replies here. Even though my ex wants to have sex/kiss, I still think we are being played here. It's like we are placeholders and we know it. I agree with what these guys have said. We need to just cut everything. No contact. Pretend she's invisible. The more I think about doing that in my own situation, the sadder I get. But I honestly think it's the only way to fix it.

Hahahah I just replied to your post! Lol
Yes really sucks, I hate break ups. Definitely one of the worst feelings life brings you

Well as you know I decided to still work this out! Haha
Anyway she has been super nice lately, especially yesterday. I started to ignore her a bit, and not seem so clingy to her, seems to be paying off.
Yesterday my mom invited us for supper so I told her about this, and she asked, well what did you say, I said well I told my mom I don't think we will come. She said what? Why not, lets go please. I said OK, we can go, so we went to my family supper, with all my brothers, there wife's and kids.
It went great, and after supper the girlfriend was talking about our future, and asking if we needed to have kids right away(one major thing was she felt pressured because all my brothers are married with kids)
I told her, I am in no rush for kids, it's a subject where I am happy with both outcomes, having them, or not having them.
She was all over me all day, kissing me, holding me, asking me to come cuddle with her on the couch. WE even planned a trip at the end of the Month. She also asked me to come inside her parents house today, when I went to pick her up, and even when we just went to grab her purse real quickly, she wanted me to come in so I could be around her family.
She even wore sexy out fit, and we fooled around, but she was on her time of the month! So it was a great great day/night. This all happened too before she received the dozen roses from me haha!
So time will tell!
Things I have been doing is, avoiding any negative feedback between the two of us, working a ton, cleaned the house to pretty much spotless and kept it spotless for a week so far! A lot of the times she would always clean it, so now I have been keeping it clean for her.
I have been doing little things around here, that have just always sat and haven't been getting done, Basically I just picked myself up and started getting my life much more together.
I thought instead of giving up on us and doing these things to better myself after the break up and NC, I will just do this stuff for me, while we are still together and see what the results are.
I hope the results continue for the better

I got laid tonight! Yay! Also she told me she loves me before we ever did it! I got more insight on the no sex thing, she said it hurts sometimes when we have sex, and if it doesn't hurt while he have sex, it hurts the next day, not down there, but more in her stomach area. I knew this was a problem before, but she has went to the doctor several times, and our doctors apparently suck. They said they can't find anything wrong with her. So we are going to try and make an appointment to see a specialist in the city, that is our plan. That is why she said she started not to kiss, because our kissing turns her on so much and she wants sex, but the pain can be unbearable sometimes.
It was the most amazing sex we ever had wowww! I think she may have felt ashamed, or embarrassed with her problems down there, and like she was disappointing me, hence why she became distant, almost depressed about it.
I told her I never doubted for a second that she never loved me, I just didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it! So happyyyyyyyyy

Good -hope it all works out.
And seeing a specialist sounds like the best idea.
Good luck.