Ask Me Help Desk - I want to move out but feel guilty

I want to move out but feel guilty

I've been wanting to move out of my mother's house for a while now. I had a sister was disabled for almost 9 yrs and passed away last year. My mother stayed home taking care of her and my nephew so I couldn't move out because I had to support them ( pay for rent, food, phone bill, etc). Now my mother is still not working and stays home taking care of my nephew who now doesn't have a mother. I'm 30 yrs old, single, no kids and my life has been work only. I want to move out and start living my life and plan for my future but I feel guilty. I still plan to help out my mother with money but I won't be able to pay for 2 rents ( hers and mine) and still save money. If I move out, I am not planning to bring my nephew with me. Sometimes I feel like I have helped enough and now is my turn to start living my life at 30 but other times I feel like I am being selfish for wanting to leave knowing that my mother doesn't have a chance to get a good job.
I don't know what to do.

Are either of them eligible for disability or some kind of government help? Would your mother be able to take care of your nephew by herself?

None of them are disabled. Not sure about government help. I would still help her out with money. But I couldn't pay ALL her bills.

Does she have any money coming in steadily to pay the bills? How old is your nephew?

My nephew is 9 yrs old. My mother doesn't have any source of income other than me. She would have to get a job.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwsp10

My nephew is 9 yrs old. My mother doesn't have any source of income other than me. She would have to get a job.

Check your township, county (human services department), and state for help for her. Does she have a car and drive? Is any other relative around who could help with anything, not necessarily money. What kind of work did she do in the past? May I ask which state you live in?

***ADDED*** Are you in a rural area or village or big town or city?

She doesn't drive and she hasn't worked before. We're in a big city. Her sister has helped out before to babysit my nephew while I was at work and my mother was at the hospital with my sister.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwsp10

My nephew is 9 yrs old. My mother doesn't have any source of income other than me. She would have to get a job.

This may sound odd but I have to ask. You had said your nephew doesn't have a mother because she passed away? Did she work at all? Is your mother the legal guardian of the child? Im asking because at a minimum she should be getting ssi for the child at this time. Also the father should be paying child support too?

What you need to do is find a social worker -- one with Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services or a large agency that knows the ropes for both your mom and for your nephew. There has to be untapped money out there for both of them. Your mother's age and marital situation/status may be very important in determining what help she can get. Her being the sole caretaker for her grandson certainly will make a difference in what financial help can be gotten too.

Yes, my mother is my nephew's legal guardian. My sister only worked for less than a yr. My nephew's father lives in Spain and we don't get any type of help from him. He basically "took himself out of the picture" as soon as my sister got pregnant.

Why are the nephews parents not paying to help with the care of their child, there should be child support being paid,

If the child is disabled, is there not money from social services.

But yes, you are the right for your own life, and it is not fair for them to expect you to pay their bills

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

why are the nephews parents not paying to help with the care of their child, there should be child support being paid

Her sis, the child's mother, died. The father is out of his life and living in Spain.

Quote:

If the child is disabled, is there not money from social services.

The child is not disabled.

Well, thank you WonderGirl, califdadof3 and fr_churck.
Your questions made me realize that my nephew needs me and life should get better for all of us.. I just need to work harder to find a way to make us all happy.. :) I've been lucky b

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwsp10

well, thank you WonderGirl, califdadof3 and fr_churck.
Your questions made me realize that my nephew needs me and life should get better for all of us.. I just need to work harder to find a way to make us all happy.. :) I've been lucky b

Get a social worker busy and let him/her figure it out. You might be very surprised what is available .

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What you need to do is find a social worker -- one with Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services or a large agency that knows the ropes for both your mom and for your nephew. There has to be untapped money out there for both of them. Your mother's age and marital situation/status may be very important in determining what help she can get. Her being the sole caretaker for her grandson certainly will make a difference in what financial help can be gotten too.

Thank you so much for your advice!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by jwsp10

well, thank you WonderGirl, califdadof3 and fr_churck.
Your questions made me realize that my nephew needs me and life should get better for all of us.. I just need to work harder to find a way to make us all happy.. :) I've been lucky b

Please realize that the times have changed and new laws are on the books. We have treaties with other countries ( like spain ) that will chase after him for child support. The only problem is there may be a risk of losing custody because the mother has passed. You might ask your mom to talk to the child support agency in your state and see what they say. It is a free service. Im only saying this because you do deserve a life. And so does he. And he should be receiving the benefits of both parents.