I've been in love with this girl for 3 years and I asked her out but she declined. From then I found it hard to speak to her. Then I was forced to move away for 2 1/2 years and now I'm back but I couldn't find her around school for weeks and the day I found her I was going to ask her out but my best friend came up to me a few minutes after I found her and told me that he was going out with her. I feel so much anger and sadness and I don't know what to do anymore. Someone please help me!

I'm sorry, but she has a boyfriend. She is not available.

Sounds like you have some exciting things to look forward to! Being back in town after moving away, re-establishing friendships, you've got an endless stream of possibilities in front of you!

The best rule of relationships is: if a girl/boy is in a relationship/dating/engaged/married, she/he is not available. Period.

Have fun getting involved at school again! :)

She is with your friend and she is off limits.
Come to terms with it and work to get over your disappointment.

Start enjoying your life and find things to do.

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Originally Posted by amicon

Start enjoying your life and find things to do.

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I can't, for the past 3 years the only thought on my mind was to get back where I was and try my luck once more, I love her with all my heart and can't let her go, and the part that p***es me off the most and that made me lose all respect for my friend is that he started going out with her after I came back and he knew that I still had extreme feelings for her and that my only wish in life is to be with her.

Have you considered that she was just not into you the first time you asked her,and her feelings did not change?

Your jealous of your friend,jealously will destroy your friendship,and they will still be together.

Look around,I'm sure there are lots of girls who are available to date.

He got the girl,you didn't,but maybe if you open your eyes 'your girl' might be under your nose,don't let one girl cloud your vision.

Well,if he is no longer your friend, I suggest you go no contact with both of them.
You can't force her to care for you.
For your own sake you must work on getting over this.

[QUOTE=redhed35;2223664]have you considered that she was just not into you the first time you asked her,and her feelings did not change?
QUOTE]

I'm not sure what she thought of me at first but when I moved I stayed in contact and it seemed that she cared about me a lot more and we got really close, and ever since she went out with my friend she's become even closer. It's like she's so near but so far away.

[quote=helpme4253;2223683]

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Originally Posted by redhed35

have you considered that she was just not into you the first time you asked her,and her feelings did not change?
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i'm not sure what she thought of me at first but when i moved i stayed in contact and it seemed that she cared about me alot more and we got really close, and ever since she went out with my friend she's become even closer. it's like she's so near but so far away.

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If your friends and you have feelings for her,its not giong to work,she has a boyfriend,if she wanted to be with you,she could be,but she is not.

I don't think a friendship in this situation is going to work,its clouding your judgement and bringing up jealous feelings,which are always harmful and serve no purpose for anyone.

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Originally Posted by amicon

you must work on getting over this.

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I've tried countless times and every time I ended up liking her more. I'm so confused that I can't tell right from wrong anymore and I've known nothing but anger, sadness, love, heartbreak and lonelyless for my whole life. I don't want to suffer having to attempt again or be as lonely as I was before. She's the only reason I haven't gone insane, giving her up could only make matters worse for me.

'giving her up' will probably give you freedom.

If sound like you have become emotional depended on this girl with no hope of having any feelings returned.

Its unquited love.

And its horrible.

I strongly suggest you go no contact,get busy with your life,seek councilling if you are having feelings of despair and extreme loneliness.

Unless you take action to improve your confidence self esteem,this won't change.

I have been in this boat before.
I had no choice but to turn away and eliminate her as an option, and you don't have a choice either. If you peruse this, you will hurt all 3 people involved (you, her, your best friend) and burn bridges you don't want to burn. Not to mention it is morally wrong. It will hurt sometimes, hell my situation was about 5 years ago and I still hurt sometimes when I look at her. But I have found someone even better, even though I didn't think that was possible, and you just have to be confident that you will too.

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Originally Posted by redhed35

if sound like you have become emotional depended on this girl

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I think you're right, this is because I believe that she is the only one who can truly give me happiness. Happiness is an emotion that can only be given to you by an object or a person in a different way for each person, many people have tried to make me happy in the past but it was fruitless. For me, being happy would be being with someone that I care about more than anything else, and she is the only one who makes all of my negative emotions vanish, she is the one who can make me happy. It's tough walking with the wieght of my life on one shoulder and the continuously growing wieght of unbalanced emotions on the other. Soon I'll collaspe and will need someone to help me back on my feet. She is important to me in this way as well as being the only girl I've ever fallan in love with. It's just to hard to separate my bonds.

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Originally Posted by helpme4253

i think you're right, this is because i believe that she is the only one who can truly give me happiness. happiness is an emotion that can only be given to you by an object or a person in a different way for each person, many people have tried to make me happy in the past but it was fruitless. for me, being happy would be being with someone that i care about more than anything else, and she is the only one who makes all of my negative emotions vanish, she is the one who can make me happy. it's tough walking with the wieght of my life on one shoulder and the continously growing wieght of unbalanced emotions on the other. soon i'll collaspe and will need someone to help me back on my feet. she is important to me in this way aswell as being the only girl i've ever fallan in love with. it's just to hard to seperate my bonds.

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But doesn't she have the right to be happy, too?

People do what they want to do. If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you.

You are choosing to put her on a pedestal and dictate that she is the only one that can make you happy.

Let her be happy in her relationship.

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Originally Posted by Wolfrey

I have been in this boat before.
I had no choice but to turn away and eliminate her as an option, and you don't have a choice either. If you peruse this, you will hurt all 3 people involved (you, her, your best friend) and burn bridges you don't want to burn. Not to mention it is morally wrong. It will hurt sometimes, hell my situation was about 5 years ago and I still hurt sometimes when I look at her. But I have found someone even better, even though I didn't think that was possible, and you just have to be confident that you will too.

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It's nice to know that someone else has felt my pain but I believe that for every problem there is an answer, and for this problem I can't give up hope. No matter how much it hurts me in the progress I will keep going as long as the result will be able to heal my wounds. Especially if giving up has the possibility of burning old wounds. I am careful about how I do stuff, I believe that someone has the answer for me and that the answer will be able to also keep others that are involved from getting hurt too. And I'm still naïve to some stuff so could you tell me what you mean by 'morally wrong'? And I hope that someday your pain will disppear.

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But doesn't she have the right to be happy, too?

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Yes she does. My thoughts are that if you love someone you want them to be happy, as I want her to be happy to. If I failed at making her happy I wouldn't be able to look at myself or anyone else. Relationships end only because both people in a couple aren't happy, if we do work out somehow then my happiness would be dependent on hers and because I love her I don't want her to be unhappy... thanks. I think you just gave me the answer that I was looking for. Mine and her happiness would all be down to me, and if my happiness relies on only me and one other person's happiness, then maybe the same goes for her which means that maybe he can't make her truly happy and when she realizes this, she might also realize that our happiness relies on each other's. Meaning that we would have to be there to support each other and I am and always there for her and always have, maybe she might not have noticed yet.

You have changed my life and for that I am eternally grateful, thank you all for being there to help me through this long painful phase of my life. I'll never forget any of you.:)

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Quote by helpme,
It's nice to know that someone else has felt my pain

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We have all had our hearts broken and been rejected by someone we cared deeply about, and wanted to be with forever. It hurts like hell, but we learn to move beyond the pain, and find our own happiness.

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but I believe that for every problem there is an answer, and for this problem I can't give up hope. No matter how much it hurts me in the progress

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Getting more hurt is not a solution, since you cannot have the heart of this female no matter what you do. You can only cause yourself and her more pain. That's not a thing you really want, do you? Acceptance is your solution, whether you like it or not. Only through accepting she doesn't want romance and love, can you move beyond your hurt, and heal your wounds.

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I will keep going as long as the result will be able to heal my wounds. Especially if giving up has the possibility of burning old wounds.

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Keeping down your stubborn path is a guarantee of more pain, and hurt, and the only way you will ever heal, and be happy, is to give up that path.

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I am careful about how I do stuff, I believe that someone has the answer for me and that the answer will be able to also keep others that are involved from getting hurt too.

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You may not want to hear the truth, but until you accept you have held on to an unfair fantasy, and mistaken friendship, and caring for true love, you will be hurt, angry, jealous, and disappointed for the rest of your life and be a bitter old fool who is alone, instead of happy.

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and I'm still naïve to some stuff so could you tell me what you mean by 'morally wrong'?

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It is morally wrong to be mistaken about the feelings of another, and blame it on an innocent friend. Its also selfish to deny another human the right to be happy because things did not work the way you want it to.

Give up this stubborn fruitless, effort to get what you want, and get your act together in a much more mature way.

I know what you're getting at talaniman, but to be truthful I haven't been thinking straight until a few minutes ago. I was being selfish, stubborn, stupid and unthoughtful. I now remember why and how I want to be happy, just being with someone wouldn't do it, being with her AND making her as happy or happier than me is what would make me happy. The solution that has been giving to me has relieved me of all the pain and will ensure that no-one else personally involved in this incident will get hurt as long as I remember what I have learned today. I may still be wrong but this is my resolve, and it will hurt no-one as long as I'm around. You lot are miracle workers, you've each helped me understand myself and the situation better in your own ways and led me away from pain and sadness. Now I feel a little happier than I've ever been, knowing that there's a possibility that things will work out fine and me knowing what that possibility is. Thanks everyone again for all you have done for me, the next time you will see me is helping someone else in this situation using what you all have taught me or when I write and tell you how things are doing. See ya:)