Me and my girlfriend have Dated for 2 years 7 months. We had minor fights, never anything serious, we never went to bed angry. We were been happy, and she always told me she loved me every night, multiple times during the day. We still had that puppy love after 2 years 7 months. One month ago her mother barred her from seeing me one day and I complained about it and it led to a fight where we nearly broke up, she came back to me asking for forgivness.

Saying "I am sorry, I know it's not an excuse but I was just having a really bad day."
One month later we were in her mothers house without her mom's permisson and she came home. (Feb. 4th) She continued to yell at us and tell us that we needed to see if we wanted to be mature in our relationship and see what we need to do, and suggested we go to starbucks to get some coffee. We parked outside of starbucks and she continued to break up with me.

She said, "I love you so much, and it hurts so bad to do this, but I just can't right now. She said, I can't do mother, and school, and you, and all this stress is making me unhappy" (relating to the stress her mother)
She continued, " I love you so much, but when we are not together physically, or on the phone, or texting, sometimes I don't feel good about us."

Tears and more tears later from boths sides and I eventually got out of the car. (on good terms)

I then went home and cried, all day and night. She was supposed to come give my winter coat back to me that Friday is what we agreed on, and I asked to talk. She said "why". I responded, "to talk, please". She said "ok, i'm on my way now"

When she got here I told her that I love her and will miss her, That I'm always here but I will give you some space if that's what you need. (she asked for space to see if we are what she truly wants in the car mentioned previously) later I looked in the coat pocket to find the class ring I gave her, and The Bracelet I gave her with my name engraved on it, She kept the locket, and necklace/ear-rings I bought her before.

I asked if it was OK to ask a couple questions, she agreed, here are the questions I asked with the answers:

Do you still love me? Like you did 6 months ago, 6 months before that? - Yes
Are you sure this is what you want? - she cried a little bit and said "This is what I have to do to see if this is what I need to be happy, sam" She continued, "I Don't know if not being with you will make me happy, or If it will make it worse, or If I need therapy, I don't know."

Then I asked the stupid question,
Do you see us getting back together her immediate answer was: Maybe.

I agreed to give her space, let her Do what she needs to do, but I don't want her to forget me if it isn't needed. She said she would call me if she found herself wanting to be with someone else, or if she was able to talk. I am very much I love with her, I’ll do what I need to for her to be happy. I just need advice because I know that my own judgment isn't the best at the moment.

I just think she may be scared to call me, for fear of me being angry, or resenting her. The truth is, I’ve always known that she was the love of my life. Everyone has that one person they wish hadn’t left them, or They hadn’t left. It’s that gut feeling you have, and Mine is saying she isn’t done yet.
The truth is, I am, but I would never express it towards her.

What I need to know:
How long should I wait before I contact her.
Does the NC rule apply to a situation like this?
What do I do in general.
Do I try to get her back?

I need help. I’m constantly crying, I can’t sleep (6th day now), I have lost 6 pounds in 7 days.

Edit: When I said "The truth is, I am" I was referring to being angry and resentful.

Breakups stink, no matter what the situation or circumstances.

It sounds like this girl has a whole lot of stress on her plate. Sounds like she is deciding to deal with it by cutting out things... I'm sorry that you're one of those things.

Sometimes when people go through stress, they turn to those that are in their lives, they cling to them for survival. Your ex seems to want to try and get through this alone. It's not wrong of her to want to do that. It is her choice.

She has chosen to let you go; she has chosen her path. You have to respect her wishes.

You have to give her the space that she has requested. It sounds like you need to start figuring out what makes YOU happy, the things that you enjoy, and the stuff that makes you tick.

You've got to decide to take a big breath and go on. You won't forget her, obviously, but you're going to have to start thinking about healing your own heart.

I recommend picking up an old hobby, going to games, doing things that you enjoy. You've got to.

Best of luck.

There's not much you can do. She's stated what she wants. You should respect her wishes and leave her to the choices she has made. Yes, I know it's hard.

I see you're already making excuses to contact her. But really... your best bet is to let her go for now. She may or may not come back. If she comes back there's a chance that love is still there. But whining and begging in the back ground only serves to drive her farther away.

I just feel like the decision was made rather rashly and I've given her time to think it out to see if this is what she really needs.

If she changed her mind, don't you think she would have told you?

By continuously asking her, you're only making her more frustrated.

Why did she say she still wants to be with me, and still loves me then?

Is it possible this was in part because of her mother? (she said directly before we broke up, "if I have to make the decision it will stick this time; Just before we left)

Honestly? I really don't know. All I know is what you've told us: she asked you to step back. You have to do this for her.

@historianChick.

Thought about what you said, and it's right.

If there is a future between us, then it will only benefit by this. And if its over, I'll have started to heal.


Separate note: Still would like some more adivce, Please Don't stop posting.

I can only advice you to get on with your own life-don't overthink the situation and don't contact her.

Keep busy,do things you enjoy,and don't put your life on hold.

She asked for space give it to her and start taking care of your own health. For sure you pushing will help nothing, but make more problems.

What's the deal with her mother though?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

She asked for space give it to her and start taking care of your own health. For sure you pushing will help nothing, but make more problems.

Whats the deal with her mother though?

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Her mother found out we were having sex 7 months into our relationship. At the time I was 16, she was 15. She (her mother) freaked out and called me and told me that there was a restraining order on me and I can't see her daughter anymore, The whole nine-yards.

It took her mother until September to allow me back into their home (even though I had been secretly sleeping with the "x" in her home since a month after her freak out)

She always gave her grief about being with me, and would take her on "away" trips every couple weekends or so to "hang out" or "view college area's" but every time Ariel (the x) came back she would seem distant for a couple days afterwards and then go back to normal.

Recently her mother caught us in her house, We were honestly just listening to music for once (thank god), and she told Ariel that if she kept being this decietful and conspiring she would kick her out at 18. And continued to embarrass her in front of me. She then said that we needed to go talk to each other at a starbucks and stared at Ariel.

I'm beginning to accept that she needs to be happy, I still haven't broken the NC rule, although her friend messaged me on Myspace.

Question: I'm not hoping anymore that she does come back, but if she does, How can I make sure it is genuine and not out of guilt/fear of being alone?

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know mom is protecting her daughter and she is forbidden from having anything to do with you because of past behavior. You both have brought this on yourselves.

As A side note, this is not a blog or instant messaging, it takes people time to come back and read and respond so be patient.

Threads merged

Me and my Ex-Girlfriend Broke up on the 4th of Feb. (because of outside stress from her mother) I was desperate to get her back, but I didn't contact her, or her friends (because of this website), and on Valentines Day she called me.

She said that Ever since we broke up she has been trying to move on, because that is what she thought she wanted, and That she had a "revalation" on valentines day that she wants to be with me, but we can't pretend that what happened never did, or we will be back in the same situation we are in now , in the future.

Since then I have kept No Contact unless she calls me and I'm not busy at the moment. We talk for 40 Minutes - 1hour + each night. I said we shouldn't say I love you because we are not at that level of trust and commitment yet. She didn't want to agree to it, but did.

Saturday Night she asked me to go to the movies with her, and I agreed, we went to the movies and saw "the lightning thief" (No we are no 10 years old, just enjoy fantasy movies). We didn't act like a couple during the movie, but told jokes, and had fun together.

I asked to walk her back to her car and I stopped her at the door, and asked her "What are we doing ariel, Where do we stand?" (From the advice I've gotten from here before).

She said, "We can't just jump into what we had, because its not there anymore, but I want to build a foundation for us, so we don't have this happen again."

I asked if we were "seeing other people" or still exclusive (again advice from this website).

She said "I've always been yours, and I don't want to be anyone else's."

Then we kissed, and she got in the car and I told her to be safe.

I don't want to be reading into things too much, so I'm here for advice.

Could we be in the 3% that work out after a break up, or should I go back to being 100% no contact.

Thank you for reading this.
-Sam

You could be in the 3%. Keep talking with her because if she wants to build the relationship bac up then go ahead. But if you dontwant to be with her then tell her that itwould be best to just be friends since it will be hard to get bac to the place you were before. So it all depend on if you want the relationship to build bac up. Just don't take things to fast.

I want us back, but I don't want her back if she is just here for guilt.

And I know that a top ten problem with the "Dumpee" is that we read into things too much, So I'm here for advice.

Until it is merged with the other thread (yes, it a part of the same problem): https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...do-445832.html

How old are both of you now? Is she prepared to go against her mother's wishes? Has her mother had a change of heart?

There are lot of reasons to be cautious in any relationship that you have with Ariel. I doubt that the stress she was under has gotten any better. It will probably be even worse if she is seeing you behind her mother's back. In fact, I would insist that you make certain that her mother is okay with you getting back together. Secrets, even those with held from third parties, are extremely damaging to a relationship.

Her mother already knows we are talking.

We dated for 2 years 7 months, and I am 19 She is 18.

Her mother doesn't like me, but Ariel isn't happy without me, and I have already started composing a letter to her mother (as she wouldn't answer a phone call from me). Also I can have a saved copy in case she tried to twist my words on me.

Her mother is right banning you from seeing her daughter and you need to respect that.

Right now you just have your hormones raging and you really need to back off before she ends up pregnant.

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Originally Posted by Devorameira

Her mother is right banning you from seeing her daughter and you need to respect that.

Right now you just have your hormones raging and you really need to back off before she ends up pregnant.

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Not to sound offensive.

But why is it that every time young people get physical in a relationship, or get serious at all people who are older blame it on hormones?

And at 18, I don't think a mother has the right to "ban" her daughter from seeing someone, whether it's me or a friend. This is the age of becoming an adult, I respect that her mother wants her to be safe, and do what is best for her, I get that. But I don't respect a ban on a human being. The only negative influence I have ever had over her , is that we occasionally went behind her mother's back, but that was only needed because of the way she treated our relationship and refused to admit we needed time to see each other. (not sexual, just at all)

OT: We are talking again after this, I stayed no contact until she contacted me on the 14th of feb. We went out last night, and we are working on putting our relationship back together. Or at least that's what it looks like at this point.

We are both willing to work, and willing to forgive each other, but not forget what was done.