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Hello there. So here's my/our problem:

I'm 17, 18 in August.
She's 15, 16 in September.
I'm going off to college next year, albeit only an hour away.
We've been together for nearly 8 months, and I can honestly say we're in love.
We've fallen asleep on the phone together every night since last November.
Prom is in a couple days, and we're going together, etc.
Sounds pretty good, right?
Well today her mom told her that we have to end our relationship before I go off to college, or else she's going to force us to break up. She said she doesn't want her to get hurt by me changing or something while I'm at college. That is a slightly valid reason, but I'm not really the person to change myself to fit in, and a bunch of my friends are going to the same college as me.

How can we convince her mom to not force this upon us? Any INTELLIGENT thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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Any INTELLIGENT thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

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Actions speak louder than words, and if she is convinced that your not going to mess with her underaged daughter, you best believe her, and obey.

Unless you want to see HOW protective she is, I would give it some space, since your in college any way.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2847994

Amazing, as I went back through your other posts, you seem like a really decent fellow, so I would hope you don't make this to hard for you both, but maybe you could ask the mother, if you can be in touch online, or through the mail. Just a thought, as parents will protect there own, and so will you when the time comes.

Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

And I understand all this. It just doesn't seem fair. Any thoughts on what we should do after I get back from school in the spring?

Its tough when parents get involved. You don't want to try to drive a wedge between her and her parents because, after all, her parents will always win. It sounds a little controlling for her mother to be doing this, but you really have no choice.

Have you tried to talk to her mother about it? Maybe if, like Tal said, the relationship slowed down a little bit and you were a little more distant, you could maintain it on a "just above friendly" level??

That's a tough one...

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It just doesn't seem fair.

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I know, but her mother is right, and she doesn't want her daughter to wait, and not enjoy her high school life, or waste time pining on a far a way relationship. Hey dude those long distance relationships are very hard to manage for the best of us.

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Any thoughts on what we should do after I get back from school in the spring?

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I hope you both enjoy yourselves and see what happens then. To far off to predict, and a lot of things can happen in 10-12 months.

I believe her mother is over-protective because she is looking out for her daughter. When you are in college, the drama level is very high. I went to a frat party and saw a couple fighting. It was not good at all~

All you can do is ask to have a sit down with the parents, address their concerns about their daughter and go from there. Doing this will do 2 things, it will allow you to show the level of love you have for their daughter and the biggest, show your maturity level.

Just be aware that long distance relationships are very hard for mature, committed partners, so know for sure what you want is incredibly tough. I think that's what motivates the mothers position. An hour away may as well be across the world when your missing someone.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Just be aware that long distance relationships are very hard for mature, committed partners, so know for sure what you want is incredibly tough. I think thats what motivates the mothers position. An hour away may as well be across the world when your missing someone.

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Agree from experience. Going to school 2.5 hours away was tough for my ex and I. We would see each other maybe twice a week, sometimes once every 3 weeks. It was hard when conflicts came up because I always felt there wasn't enough time at home for me to do everything.

Thank you all for your advice, it's been very insightful.

Would telling her mom that I have a month off (all of december) for christmas break help? It's not like I'm not going to see her ever. Hopefully every or every other weekend ish.

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Originally Posted by someguy222

thank you all for your advice, it's been very insightful.

would telling her mom that i have a month off (all of december) for christmas break help? it's not like i'm not gonna see her ever. hopefully every or every other weekend ish.

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Don't try to make desperate excuses or claims that would make her want you to stick around. Your best bet is to be respectful of her wishes, maybe talk with her openly and maturely about it and maybe she will see the other side of it. I never looked at coming up with a list of "points" like that as a good way to argue. It comes across as more desperate than anything.

Hi everybody. I'm a sophomore in college (I'm 19), and I have a girlfriend of just over two years who is a senior in high school (18). Back when we were both still in high school, we got in an argument about drinking, and we both promised that we wouldn't drink, but we never put a timeframe on it. Now, I still don't drink, and never have, but she says that she's going to when she goes to college in the fall (likely between a half hour to an hour away from me). This was a complete surprise to me, and I'm honestly kind of shocked, and maybe "heartbroken" I guess you could say. She says that the promise was only for high school, but we made the promise after I had graduated from high school. I'm so surprised because she always says how she's so proud of me that I don't drink and that it's bad and stuff like that. I honestly am confused as to how to approach the situation and not anger her, as that won't help anything. I don't especially want her to be drinking, but I don't want to be the controlling boyfriend and piss her off that way. What should I do?

Thanks in advance.

This is a suggestion. I think you should be concerned for your health at all times, and make choices that are right for you. I believe drinking in small amounts is not going to hurt her, if she decides to have a drink with dinner for example once a month or whatever, but binge drinking is dangerous. Perhaps you could talk to her about her intentions. Are they to party with all the other people at the College? If so, does she realize that most of them drink to dangerous levels and get out of control?
Even though this happens, there are still some drinkers who are conscientious and drink responsibly. In any case, what you need to question is what are her intentions. You do not want to worry about her I'm sure. But you cannot ask her not to ever drink, especially at her age. This is the time when most people want to have fun and often there is desire to drink and have fun. If you make her feel guilty then she will probably just lie to you in the end, and once a person in a relationship resorts to lying to do what they want there is no longer a relationship. Keep the conversations open. Allow her to grow up and make her own decisions. Part of growing up is doing just that. Control is always a big no no always. None of us want to have to keep promises we made as children when we start to grow up. We all change our minds. My best advice is do what is good for yourself and allow her to decide what is good for herself. Love her no matter what she decides unless she becomes someone you don't want to be with anymore. In any case, keep the conversation flowing. Don't force her to remain the girl you met in high school, or you will lose her. She needs to grow up on her own terms.
Good Luck!

Drinking in moderation isn't bad. I come from an Italian family and we always drank wine with meals and celebrated occasions with champagne. Both my parents are well into their eighties, fit, healthy and still drink a glass of wine with their evening meal.

So, I think you need to allow your GF to make her own choices. You choose not to drink. That's absolutely fine. She has now told you that she wishes to drink. I think that you need to accept this is what she wants to do.

Drinking socially is an accepted practice in our society and done responsibly, it's part of becoming a mature adult. Your GF is reviewing her choices and making decisions for herself. This is part of growing up.

There is a whole drinking component to college and university. Party party party. Many start that way, but realize that it is hard to keep up, hard to afford, and no work is getting done.

If she is aware, as I think she probably is from what you've said, about drinking and consequences, she will learn quickly that it is not for her. She'll most likely be an observer rather than swimming in the punch bowl.

You would be wise not to make a big deal out of it, until there is a problem. It could very well blow over and she'll settle into her usual routine, without the booze.

If you pressure her though, you risk coming off as controlling, and her independence now is important to her.

I would just sit back and wait and see how it goes for now.

I just think it's a bit unfair that she can suddenly call off a promise that I have honored for the first year and a half of college just because she is now going to college. The point of the promise was so that I wouldn't go out and get drunk and do something stupid like cheat on her, which is what I'm worried could happen if she drinks.

I understand why you would be disappointed that she broke her promise to you, but she is entitled to do so. It's her call.

Worrying about what that broken promise means, or could mean, will drive you crazy. You don't have any control over the decisions she makes. It is not very healthy either, to worry about something that may never happen.

She knows how you feel and I think that because this is something new to her, and she wants to experience college life, she will do and try many things that she may never have in high school. It's all a part of learning how to handle freedom, personal responsibility, and consequences.

She is not a different person just because she's made a change, or broken a promise, or may or may not make mistakes. None of us can say that we haven't learned something the hard way.

Try to not be too involved with the decisions she makes.

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Originally Posted by someguy222

I just think it's a bit unfair that she can suddenly call off a promise that I have honored for the first year and a half of college just because she is now going to college. The point of the promise was so that I wouldn't go out and get drunk and do something stupid like cheat on her, which is what I'm worried could happen if she drinks.

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Well now we know what the real issue is. It's not drinking, it's trust and infidelity.

Clearly drinking equals drunkenness and debauchery in your mind - this may or not be the case. Not everyone gets drunk and bonks any available person!

Clearly it also seems that you're not going to change her mind about the decision she's made to drink. You need to decide what to do with that decision, and how you'll respond to it.

If you don't feel that you can trust her, then perhaps you need to reconsider the relationship?

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Originally Posted by someguy222

I just think it's a bit unfair that she can suddenly call off a promise that I have honored for the first year and a half of college just because she is now going to college. The point of the promise was so that I wouldn't go out and get drunk and do something stupid like cheat on her, which is what I'm worried could happen if she drinks.

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I think if you look back it was proubably you that initiated the whole "lets not drink" pack.
I can see why you feel slighted that the deal was made and now it seems to you that she is renigging when its her turn to really pay up that's just something you should have thought of when you first made the deal.
My question is did you abstain REALLY because of the deal or its just not your thing?
You need to look into that there may be some control issues your having.