Ask Me Help Desk - Getting over heartbreak

I never thought I would but I found my soulmate online. She lives in the USA and I live in the UK. For the past couple of months we have messaged each other and chatted every day without fail. We have become unbelievably close. Almost like an old couple. I knew she was in a very unhappy relationship, as she hasallways been honest with me and she advised me a about a week ago that despite doctors telling her she would never have children, she had fallen pregnant. She is pro life and will not have an abortion and says her partner, even though she states she doesn't love him, wants to be a father. In other words she is staying with someone who makes her unhappy purely for this baby. I am hear broken to be fair, however my query is, she wants to stay friends and still messages me every
Day. I want to be there for her to support her and at the back of my mind the chance they might split up, but Im thinking about her constantly and it brings me more and more heart ache and upset. Should I remain friends or cut ties?

Sounds like she's moving forward with her life. The father of her child will always be part of her life even if she's not with him.

If you can handle and accept the fact that she's going to have a family, regardless of her happiness, then be friends.

But being friends in hopes that she will day break up and find you, would be setting yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak. Furthermore, that will prevent you from finding your own happiness as you will be putting your life on hold for her.

Thank U I wish that thought has crossed my mind. She's so keen to stay friends and I feel I'm letting her down and struggling at the same time to let her go.

That why you have to let go because where she wants friendship, you will always want more.

With the distance, that ain't happening. Plus you would be a lousy friend, because you would be waiting like a vulture for her relationship to fail, so you can have her. With that kind of motive, you can never be a real friend.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

That why you have to let go because where she wants friendship, you will always want more.

With the distance, that ain't happening. Plus you would be a lousy friend, because you would be waiting like a vulture for her relationship to fail, so you can have her. With that kind of motive, you can never be a real friend.

Thank you. Not what I want to hear, but in my heart I know you are right.

Hello,

Although in my age and experience I may not qualify as an expert who can give you the best answer, I am willing to give it a try and provide some answers from my point of view.the thing is, I myself have been in a difficult long distance relationship and when my boyfriend finally get the chance to meet me, he broke up with me. Naturally I am heartbroken and was still to pieces until now.

Anyway my point is, I can have a glimpse on how you feel. First of all, I am very sorry that these things should happen to you. Nothing is more frustrating than to not hold the person you love most in your arms. WE all need the reassurance that our partner is actually existing, and with a long distance relationship, that maybe close to impossible. Recently,I have read a statement that tells long distance relationship isn't about distance, its about the love that binds two persons together. Well, I think that is right at one point, but speaking from day to day experience, how can you feel your partner's love when he is not there on the most life changing moments of your life? How long can words go? Your partner is pregnant and it seems to me, she needs somebody who can actually be there in person all throughout this life- changing experience, may it be wonderful or not.. The scariest part is when she finally feel that she may do just fine without you. What happens when you see each other in person, and you both found out that you are just in love with the idea of love and not really to one another? That may not be what you want to hear, but might as well have yourself ready for its possibility.

Im sure you are a great guy for holding your end of the line, but I think you should also think of yourself and be strong for yourself. Let me ask you... how about you? Don't you think you need someone who can tell you you are her number one and not someone who can serve as her catch basin when her another number one fails? You don't deserve better.. you deserve the best.

I know it is hard. Because I'm going through the same rocky road right now, but the thing is,, I'm on the road to getting better. Im not going to lie, maybe ill love the same person for years--secretly. But at least I put a stop to the hurting and crying. Maybe if all the bad memories would fade in time. That's when we are healed.

Ill pray for you.