Hello, I desperately need a professional answer to my questions,
1- if a guy was melosetd by men when he was a young boy will he grow up to be gay?
2- is the first sexual experience in a person life will be stuck in one's mind forever , this is related to my first question, which means a little boy will never forget the first pleasure he got when he was little and that it will always be in his mind (the ultimate innocent pleasure?)
From what I experienced in life this what I found out about men who were molested as kids, I was molested too by men and women but it did not made me desire the women. But I feel the men who were molested it is like forbidden fruit to them and I think they will enjoy sex with men more than with women (but they do not say it or act on it or may be they do, I do not know) but I know it ,
3- if a woman was molested by an older man when she was little will she always be attracted to mature men?

Sexual abuse will change some people. Those victims are growing up thinking that what happened to them is the right thing and that they too can do it. A boy can't grow up to be gay. He has to make that decision. Ultimate pleasure happens to us all sometimes at one point or another, but it doesn't change what they will become. If a boy was molested by a guy more than one, he would think its OK and do the same to boys which would make him gay, but that rarely happens. A women attracted to an older man growing up after being raped, might face the opposite. She might be afraid of older men, but again, there are possibilities.

This is truly different for every person depending on the individual circumstance. Molestation comes in many forms.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nadia999

little boy will never forget the first pleasure he got when he was little

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There are very few boys who actually get "pleasure" from molestation. Rather they feel embarrassment and humiliation.

Hi Nadia,
These are very complex questions. Every individual is different, and people deal with traumas in a multitude of ways. Though there are certain generalizations that can probably be noted in many cases.
Do boys who are molested by men grow up to be gay? Personally, I'm not sure such abuse really has much bearing one's ultimate gender preference. Some do, some do not. Perhaps there is a slightly higher incidence of homosexuality in such cases, but I think this ultimately has little to do with sexuality.
One way in which people deal with traumas is to subconsciously reenact them. Though they may honestly want a happy relationship, and may believe that they are truly seeking what is in their own best interests -- many subconsciously choose relations and situations that superficially resemble, or offer the promise of reenacting the original dynamics to some degree. They may feel they don't deserve better, they may well have irrational fears of freedom or acceptance -- but ultimately, it often boils down to the hard fact that they sincerely desire "for this time to be different." To correct in adulthood what they felt powerless to as a child. Though they can't erase the trauma, they attempt to rewrite the ending.
Though it has been said, "the true definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results." Many events can become traumatic in themselves through sheer force of repitition.
Some are likely gay due to genetic predispositions; and indeed, some may possibly gravitate toward such in an effort to somehow resolve earlier issues. Perhaps, some may even feel the "stigma" to be so great, that if any woman knew, how could she possibly view him as a "true man"?
It is true that people generally remember their first sexual experience, pleasurable or otherwise. Though in no way do I feel one can rationally relate this to the aforementioned experiences of a child, or any type of sexual experience therein. Though it is true that children begin to explore their bodies at a very early age, this is more purely tactile -- children simply don't have the faculties to understand the ramifications of what sexuality truly is. What they do understand is imitation and expectation. Children who are molested will very often act out "sexually", becoming almost seemingly "promiscuous" in a sense -- though this is nothing more than the child's attempt to adapt to a very confusing situation, and to assume the role they may feel is now expected of them. I don't believe such an experience could ever be deemed "pleasureable" to or by a child. Though depending on the age in which such trauma occurs, they may well come to adopt this as "the norm." As again with morality, certain complex aspects can only be truly fathomed by the later teenage years, with the completed development of the brain's prefrontal cortex. Until then, much of right and wrong is understood to be as the adults dictate; for the child or teen yet lacks much of the necessary physiological component to produce more highly abstract thought, and to forsee more appearingly vague consequences as a result of many more immediate actions.
I am by no means a professional, though I have had a great deal of personal experience with many survivors of multiple forms of abuse. I hope some of this is helpful, and hopefully someone here can provide some further insight.
Take care.

Thank you guys for answering, and I thank you thomas for taking the time to answer my question, actually I was in a relationship with someone and this how I felt and recently I suspect my brother (I found a message accidentlly on his cell phone) is the same and I believe their was sexual abuse that no one know about it, my other q. is , is the person who was abused likey to be an abuser? could my brother is still being abused he is only 20 years old and I am not sure is he gay or is he being abused like you said thomas reenact what he knew as a child , and if he is in a relationship with a guy could he become straight because it was only cause of abuse? And if so who he would be , what does he need to find himself? And for my ex he is more excited and climax faster if it is a gay movies (I like gay movies) more that straight sex movies, does that mean he also needs to resolve unresolved issues or is he just gay and do not want to admit it and live it?

Hi Nadia,
You're very welcome.
As to whether your brother would grow up to abuse others -- there are a great many factors involved therein, though I do believe this is far more common with victims of physical and emotional abuse, as opposed to sexual. In many ways, in regard to abuse of a sexual nature, I think this has a great deal to do with the age from which the abuse occurred, among other factors. How ingrained it is in behavioral patterns, and whether the child was left with adequate room to develop what are known as "contact emotions", such as empathy. Failure to develop such is an early predisposition to asocial behavior. If your brother is happily social with others, exhibits an adequate ability to feel and see things from others' perspectives, and has the ability to put others needs ahead of his own when warranted, I wouldn't worry too much about the risk of such behavior manifesting. Often children or teens who go on to commit such acts are notably withdrwan, and adults will often display other socially dysfunctional behaviors -- though not always.
In such a case, it may well be impossible to determine what your brother's sexual orientation is. If he is in a happy and productive gay relationship, one should probably assume he is gay, and accept him for such. But he may not fully know himself, in such a case. Only time could tell, I guess. Though a degree of sexual confusion can be common with abuse victims, a degree of experimentation can be common with many people in general. Society likes to group people into straight or homosexual, but for many healthy people, it's not quite that simple. Many people, particularly women, will experiment with a same sex experience at some time in their life. With men, it is more likely to be in adolescence, or even early adulthood. Women are more likely to explore at different times in their life.
I think the only way anyone can really find themselves is with time, experience, and the freedom to be themselves. Loving support is very important in this process.
Though this could be considered somewhat more unusual, I'm not necessarily sure the fact that your ex enjoys gay movies, necessarily makes him gay. Very open-minded, and comfortable within himself, sure -- but not definitively gay. After all, it is you he chose. Many people are comfortable fantasizing about things that they wouldn't necessarily desire or feel comfortable with in real life.
Though, on the other hand, many gay men do attempt to deny their desires, opting to try to go the more "traditional" route, marrying into a heterosexual union, and even starting a family. Some gay men may even feel compelled to raise a family before pursuing a same sex relationship. Everybody has their own unique ideas about what they want or need in life.
As well, he may have distinct bisexual tendencies, but feels more, perhaps emotionally, fulfilled in a heterosexual relationship.
As for women liking gay movies, though this is a subject that is not often talked about, it actually is somewhat common.
You state that he is now your ex, but from the way I read it, it does sound like you still have something of a close relationship. Whether you do decide to get back together at some point or not, just continue to accept and love him for who he is. And the same with your brother. Realize that your ex could someday leave you for a man, and your brother could someday find himself happily married and raising healthy children. The important thing for both of them is that they are happy where they are. If it seems they are not, perhaps encourage them to find the help they need to be better. Your support will likely be very instrumental in them finding themselves either way. :)

Thank u thomas

Hi Nadia. You're very welcome. :)

Does a boy who gets molested by a man. Does this boy grow up gay, because of these experiances. The answer is no. Although I do believe that this boy with the experience of abuse would be very ashamed and would question his sexuality because of those experiances.

Honestly the abused many times do become the abuser. Does this mean they want to, no. Does this mean that they think it is okay, No. It is just an response whether it be emotional, to what happened to them.

It abusee, gets abused emotionally, physically and mentally. It effects there everyday thoughts, their everyday development. Guilt, embarrasement, and much more. It is up to each individual how they handle this. Some people become an abuser, some people stop that cycle and learn how to break it and not repeat it. Learn from it and move on..

There is this women I know, as far as I knew she was straight for most of the time I know her. Some old man had raped her. Now she is married to a women.

As J9 said it all depends on each individual, how they react.