I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now, and we have been using both the pill and a condom, every time. At the beginning I hadn't told him I was taking the pill because I was afraid he wouldn't want to use a condom, but I did end up telling him, along with explaining to him that I don't feel comfortable not using a condom yet. He totally accepts this, and he never pressured me into doing it without a condom. He does imply that it 'would be better without' sometimes, but never in a way that would make me feel bad.

However, I have been thinking about it lately. I take my pill at the same hour every day. They say that when you do that it's 99.9 percent effective. Yet I know people have gotten pregnant while on the pill... And I'm definitely not ready for that yet.

My girlfriends who are on the pill and not using a condom ask their guys to pull out before ejaculating, so the risk of pregnancy is even lower. Yes I know you can get pregnant with pre-, but the risks are obviously higher with the actual ejaculation.

Should I stop thinking about it and just continue on like this? It's just that people say that it feels better without, and I'm curious to how it feels too. Plus, most importantly, I love my boyfriend and I want him to enjoy it to the maximum too.

Many antibiotics and other medications WILL render the birth control pill ineffective. Don't count on that number because that is only under ideal situations.

Until you are married and ready for a baby... use BOTH.

THere are a LOT of young people with STD's out there... Herpes... HPV.. AIDS... etc..

Even if your aren't worried about a baby, you BETTER be worried about those. There is no magic pill to cure any of the three I mentioned.

Its clear from what you said he doesn't think about them... which means he's gone bareback, and just might have any of those three... or one I didn't even mention

He got tested on all of the things you mentioned, and he has none. I've seen the paper. And I was the one who asked him to take the tests.

Some things take time to turn up positive on tests...

AIDS is one... it may take years.

And most of those tests do not cover every possibility.

Also... how do you know if he's been playing around with someone else too? The answer is you don't. And can't.

YOU seem too quick to write off ANY possibility, And the odds are if you cave... go bareback... get pregnant and he bolts or you catch something... then where does that leave you? You aren't married... there is no legal commitmant there and you will have to fight for anything with no guarantee of compensation. Except in the case of a baby where DNA evidence proves it is his. And even then if he has no job... you can't get blood from a stone.

And even with the PILL, AND Condoms... you can still get pregnant. THere are several prominent members here that can prove it IS very possible because they did.

Pill + Condoms + spermicide + second time I had sex = pregnant at 16.

Yes, I was using them correctly. I was EXTREMELY paranoid about getting pregnant.

Just keep using the condoms. Time enough after you're MARRIED and ready for kids to skip them.

Ok; I'm freaked out. So let's leave pregnancy out of it, smoothy, what's the point of those tests if they aren't accurate enough?

And Synnen, you must have done something wrong right? If the pill was taken and the condom was put and taken of when it should have without it being broken, then I have a hard time understanding how one could get pregnant. How the hell did the sperm come through a condom and fertilize an egg that shouldn't have been there in the first place?

fisk, fact is the only form of birth contriol that is 100% effective is total abstinance. Period.

Even if you stack them... you still have that possibility.

It only takes ONE single microscopic sperm out of millions.

There are a LOT of ways that it can get from point A to point B. And even if you followed clean room (or surgery room prep) standards, and nobody EVER does that... you run that risk.


As far as tests... no test is perfect. THere are conditions and circumstances that compromise even the best tests. And usually you are testing FOR something specifically. To run different tests to cover every possibility just isn't cost effective.

Some don't catch everything immediately after exposure until its had time to incubate and grow.

AIDS tests are like that... just because he doesn't test positive for full blown AIDS now doesn't mean he wasn't exposed already. And young people are the fastest growing segment of AIDS victims. You don't have to be gay, dirty OR a drug addict to get it from someone else, not do they have to be.


Short answer is... these days... sex carries very real risks, some significantly life shortening. Be aware nobody, and I mean NOBODY is immune from them.

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Originally Posted by fisk

My girlfriends who are on the pill and not using a condom ask their guys to pull out before ejaculating, so the risk of pregnancy is even lower. Yes I know you can get pregnant with pre-, but the risks are obviously higher with the actual ejaculation.

Should I stop thinking about it and just continue on like this? It's just that people say that it feels better without, and I'm curious to how it feels too. Plus, most importantly, I love my boyfriend and I want him to enjoy it to the maximum too.

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A passing familiarity with statistics is almost required to be any sort of functioning adult in this society. Looking at best case, STRICTLY FOR PREGNANCY, adding a condom to hormonal birth control is changing the chances of getting pregnant from 0.01% to 0.0001%. You're lowering it but by a relatively insignificant amount.

As smoothy and the rest have said, condoms use a barrier effect to prevent both pregnancy and most STIs. The pill will only stop you from ovulating. The combination of the two will give you adequate protection from pregnancy and STIs. Two different vectors of protection and hopefully if one fails then the other won't.

What happened with synnen can happen to you. Anything is possible. Is it probable? Not likely. It would be a one in a billion (no scientific data to back it up) chance occurring given the best case scenario.

With the STI test. That should be taken with your partners sexual history. His history is his own, I will grant that, but knowing what he has done lately will put the test in perspective. He he was a man whore who has the entire field hockey team on his sexual resume... be suspicious. On the other hand if he has only a few partners that he was been safe with. The test is probably accurate.

No test is perfect. They will mostly be accurate. Smoothy does have a point when saying that several of the infections will take a while to show up if they show up at all. It is completely possible, though unlikely, to be asymptomatic for any one of a number of STI.

These are the harsh realities of sex that you need to consider. It is scary and dangerous. That being said and to address your questions:

1) Should you stop thinking about this and continue the course.
It depends on how you feel about it. I would stay the course and continue with the pill and the condom. It is excellent coverage for pregnancy and very good coverage for STI infections.

2) Does sex feel better without the condom.
Without a doubt. Male, and have had it both ways. There is also a psychological factor you should consider here. You might be concerned about not using a condom which could lower your ability to enjoy the situation.

It is basic risk analysis at the end of the day. Are you willing to take the risk and suffer the possible consequences? We are just providing a list of possible consequences.

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Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

With the STI test. That should be taken with your partners sexual history. His history is his own, I will grant that, but knowing what he has done lately will put the test in perspective. He he was a man whore who has the entire field hockey team on his sexual resume... be suspicious. On the other hand if he has only a few partners that he was been safe with. The test is probably accurate.

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Actually my boyfriend has only been with 4 women in his life, and only one of those was not a virgin when he first slept with her. This happened about a year ago. And yes I do trust him on this.

Thanks a lot for your answers! It's helpful listening to people's opinions.

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Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

What happened with synnen can happen to you. Anything is possible. Is it probable? Not likely. It would be a one in a billion (no scientific data to back it up) chance occurring given the best case scenario.

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Or three in a billion because it happened to me twice! :eek:

Ever seen the movie "Kids"? It's done documentary style, about a bunch of teenagers. One of the main characters is a guy who only has sex with virgins--and has a count you wouldn't believe. The other main character has only had sex with the main guy character, but was a virgin until then.

He gave her AIDS, despite having "only" having sex with virgins. There are other ways to get AIDS than just sex, and there is no guarantee that someone is a virgin just because they say they are.

Sorry to say this, Synnen, but for me your post is a bit paranoid. It's not like I'm telling you he's been with a hundred 'virgins'. He was very young, and yes it was very much possible that they were virgins! Heck I was a virgin, and I am 23 (I'm actually the fourth person, so that makes it 2 women for him).

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Originally Posted by fisk

Sorry to say this, Synnen, but for me your post is a bit paranoid. It's not like I'm telling you he's been with a hundred 'virgins'. He was very young, and yes it was very much possible that they were virgins! Heck I was a virgin, and I am 23 (I'm actually the fourth person, so that makes it 2 women for him).

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Paranoid or not, she makes a valid point.

I think you have made your decision. Probably made it before you came here hoping that you would get the confirmation that ditching the condoms was 'okay' and 'safe'.

It all comes down to how you feel about a possible pregnancy. Only you know what risk factors you have that would lessen the effectiveness of the pill. For example: medications.

Only you know who you have slept with. You can trust that he is telling you the truth (that is between you and him). He can trust that the four women he has had sex with are telling him the truth. A big question for both of you: Do you only count vaginal intercourse as 'sex'?

We can only tell you what our experiences have been and what we have seen in life and on these boards.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do. :)

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Originally Posted by fisk

Sorry to say this, Synnen, but for me your post is a bit paranoid. It's not like I'm telling you he's been with a hundred 'virgins'. He was very young, and yes it was very much possible that they were virgins! Heck I was a virgin, and I am 23 (I'm actually the fourth person, so that makes it 2 women for him).

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Nothing paranoid about Synnens post at all.

At your age you may want to believe everything a love interest tells you... as you get older you learn how much people either flat out lie about or convieniently "Omit" the facts.

And its not anout who they slept with... but who they slept with and who those people slept with... etc.

And as was mentioned... there are more than one way to get STD's or AIDS without intercourse.


And you would be surprised how many people think they can give everyone they know a blow job and perform anal intercourse and then pretend they are "Virgins".

Hell, many of the girls that claim to be virgins... aren't. Because you can't definitively prove anything either way.

So now you see how the "well .....blah...blah...blah...." story from anyone holds water about as well as a fork.

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Originally Posted by fisk

Sorry to say this, Synnen, but for me your post is a bit paranoid. It's not like I'm telling you he's been with a hundred 'virgins'. He was very young, and yes it was very much possible that they were virgins! Heck I was a virgin, and I am 23 (I'm actually the fourth person, so that makes it 2 women for him).

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I wouldn't say she is being Paranoid. Our express purpose is to share our knowledge and experiences in the hopes that you will pause a moment and reflect on our words. Maybe give you a bit of perspective.

In the end, we are just people on the internet and you will or will not accept our wisdom. In the end it is solely up to you.

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Originally Posted by J_9

Or three in a billion because it happened to me twice!! :eek:

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... well damn. I wonder what the statistics on that are come to think of it.

Hey fisk,

From a sensation perspective, as a female, here's my two cents. If you have never had sex without a condom with this particular man, and the risks get your attention, don't.

With each guy, with or without a condom feels different. But going without a condom with this guy may be like eating chocolate for the first time. You may get hooked on it and lose your contentment with using a condom.

Look, I think that you need to assess the facts and the potential consequences and make a decision for yourself.

You've been very sensible so far. You've been using 2 forms of contraception and your BF has been tested for STDs.

Yes, there is a risk that he might have contracted AIDs after having sex with a virgin and that this hasn't showed up on a test... but statistically the likelihood of this is slim. And, waiting to have unprotected sex until you're married isn't going to change the chances of you getting an STD that hasn't shown up on the tests.

Getting pregnant while you're on the pill and not using a condom can absolutely happen - and it is not uncommon. However, statistically the number of women that don't get pregnant on the pill is higher than those than do. Many women take the pill as their only form of contraception for years without getting pregnant. In fact, some women actually find it more difficult to conceive when they've been on the pill for some time.

Anyway, the point is that it's up to you to make an informed decision. Weight up the options and make the choice.