Multiple threads merged

We've been snail mailing for 1. 5 years and we've gotten closer. We mail often and I feel she's really nice. Even though I haven't met her or talked to her. But I feel like I like her, I even told her.

But I don't know.. Even if she said yes, we live far away so it's kind of stupid right?

How far apart do the two of you live?

How old are the two of you?

Japan her . Me USA

I'm in my early 30's. She 27

Do you have the ability to visit each other? If not, it's probably best you find someone in your own area to have a relationship with.

Threads merged

Although there's some things that are present in a culture that make women be different, I still feel that all women are the same.

For example I'm shy and quiet, and most American women hate shys.
I thought at first that Asians from asia would like shy men but no... whenever they want an American boyfriend, their ideal is a talkative loud confident American.

Same with Mexican women.

You're generalizing women too much. There are, roughly, 3 billion women in the world, with 3 billion different things that attract them to someone.

Would it be fair to say that all men want an outgoing partner? It has less to do with culture, and even gender, and more to do with personal preference. Some people are attracted to outgoing individuals, some to wallflowers. Most prefer something in the middle, which is true in all cases of extremes.

There has to be something that draws their attention initially. If you spend most of your time trying to be unnoticed, that's probably why girls don't seem to be attracted to you. Just think, are you attracted to girls who try to hide and do nothing to draw your focus, even for a second?

Work on being a little less shy, and more confident. I'm not saying you have to change who you are, or go out of your way to be noticed. Just find something you're good at, and feel good doing, and go from there. Once you become secure with yourself in one area, it's a lot easier to project that confidence in other situations.

Don't try to force it. Coming off cocky or dull or yourself is just as bad as not being noticed at all. Just become more comfortable in your own skin.

You'll probably end up attracting girls who are a little shy, themselves. No matter what the adage says, opposites so not always attract.

In fact, if you spend a little time noticing the shy girls that are already around you, you may be surprised. There are probably several girls wondering the same thing, why guys just seem to want the outgoing girls.

I agree with J_9.

Relationships used to be started by writing letters; therefore, they "can" work. But, both parties have to be committed to trying to make a long distance relationship happen... and, in your case, it's a REALLY long distance relationship!

I would ask her and see if she would be interested in trying to see where this would go. I've lived in China (spent 2 years as a professor) and know the intense friendships of the Asian people. She will probably be overjoyed to hear that you're interested in her for more than a friend. But, you must understand (and I"m sure you already do, I just feel that I should say it!), if you decide to "see where it would go" with this girl, she will be "in it for the long-haul"... don't play with her emotions. Having an American pen-pal is a source of pride and a huge achievement...

I guess what I"m trying to say is that if you're not committed to really trying to see if this could work, don't play with her heart. If you don't have a plan - i.e. a plan to visit her in Japan - don't pursue this.

But, if you have a plan, I'd say try and see! Ask her what she'd think, then propose a way to make it happen.

Best of luck!

I don't think you should generalize about culture clashes. Every person is different.

If there's no chance of meeting face to face, then you're just setting yourself up for disappointment.

Long-distance relationships are not completely hopeless, and they are not stupid. I did it for a year. 3 of those 12months were spent with only letter contact, and I'm engaged to the guy. He's currently gone across the country for 20 days and I'm alone here. It takes a lot of effort, but if it's done right, it can make for a healthy relationship, especially in the future. Since you are creating a relationship that isn't based on physical presence, or physical contact, you are strengthening a healthy bond. At some point in time though, you will want to meet her, and also you will want to establish other contact aside from letters, like social networking or phone calls. My future father in law chatted online to a woman from Thailand for a couple years. They were physically together for a year before they got married. So, my point is, healthy, serious long-distance relationship aren't unheard of.

If she says yes, and you need some help keeping up a long distance relationship, I'd be happy to help.

Thanks. She's a nice person. She also said she wants to keep in contact for a long long time

Why don't you email and even get video message on the computer

Why after a year and 1/2 has there not been any phone calls

Nothing is impossible , just do it!! Let time prove it , good luck !

That's how my relationship started, then we met irl in Paris. That was 7.5 years ago. We now live together in the EU

Nm

I study japanese and I'm interested in the culture and language so I have tried to be friendly to people from that country and try to meet them in busese, bus stops, etc.

Al I'm trying is to be friendly. And then I ask them if we can be friends, they say yes, they give me their email and phone.. Then I write to them, and they never answer OR answer and gradually stop emailing and stop contatct. And also they never show interest in meeting again.

Moreover some of them say "I want to be your friend too".. I've had many of these experiences. It seems they always lie.

Maybe they already have enough friends in their ESL class or their homestay parents etc.. So they don't really need more people.. But then, why do they lie to me?

I'm age 30 and a nice quiet person. I'm not a player

I think it is pretty obvious why they don't contact you, or if they do, it is very short lived.

It's creepy! If I were Japanese, or Hungarian, or Cuban, or what have you, and a 30 year old man approached me and wanted to be friends, I might be polite, but I would not be 'friendly' with you. You are a stranger, and it is a strange request.

You are far better to read, or watch video's, or visit a library than approach total strangers with an odd request to be friends.

I don't think they are necessarily lying, they are just responding in a polite way, which is more than what I would do, which is to completely ignore such a request if you approaced me out of the blue.

Yeah, that's pretty creepy. If someone (man or woman) approached me on a bus or at a bus stop and out of the blue asked me if I wanted to be friends I would be kind of creeped out.

This is the sort of thing that kindergartners do.

Friendships develop over time. You have to know someone for a while, be around them, etc. for friendship to sprout.

In asking for email and phone numbers, you are asking for some very personal information. Why should someone who doesn't even know you give you this info?

You may be studying Japanese - but you clearly don't know anything about the culture.

The girls that say they'll be your friend are being polite. Notice I said the word POLITE. They are not lying - they are simply, in their cultural terms, being respectful and not wishing to embarrass you by openly telling you that you're sleazy freak and asking to f**k off.

Japanese cultural norms tend to focus on 'saving face'. The girls you're approaching are telling you they will be your friend because they don't want you to 'lose face'. They are not lying. Clearly their silence after your first approach is telling you that your attempts at friendship aren't working.

Good grief. You're 30. Isn't it time you stopped lying to yourself and learnt from your mistakes ?

Whenever I've found male japanese friends, they've always been nice. But females are a different story. They stop answering emails. They ignore me, ignore phone calls.

Do japanese females think all American guys are rapists and stuff like that?

I'm in my early 30's. They're usually in the age range of 18 to 30.

You are 30 years old talking to a female who is 18? May I ask what the purpose of these conversations are? Is this a serious question?

Maybe you need to analyze your own behavior before generalizing a group. Are you on an online dating or social network? Is this how you get their email, number and other contact info?