My girlfriend went to a party last weekend and she got pretty drunk and I didn't think anything of it because she's a college student and all. I wasn't at the party but saw her afterwards. Anyway I found out from some kid that I barely know that someone put something in her drink. I confronted her about it and she admitted it and said that I wasn't supposed to find out because she didn't want to worry me. Her friends who I'm friends with knew about it and when I asked them before I confronted her they lied to me. My question is what do I do? Do I get mad? Break up with her? Talk it out? I feel a little betrayed because she didn't tell me and I think she should have in a situation like this.

The key word here is maybe little in the "I feel a little betrayed here". I would talk with her about how honesty is important in a relationship in your opinion. Let her know that when she leaves you out, it makes it seem like you aren't close since close people share honestly and in detail. Ask her if she is having trouble trusting you and really listen to what she says -- there may be important clues there for you. Don't emphasis the hurt or mad part too much-- that goes without saying. Just keep it in perspective and don't make it too difficult for her to perhaps apologise once she sees that you would like to be let in more.

Any relationship that includes, "going out and getting alittle drunk" with or without some dangerous person drugging them, has problems all into itself.

The person broke the law and needs to be reported. IF it is a college report them to the college police.

She may not have known about the drug, and she should feel betrayed by these friends and should not want anything to do with those people again,

You want to break up with your girl because some fool took advantage of her while she was drunk... and you confronted her... the victim... what did you say to your woman? Did you accuse her of the foul deed... that was done to her... without her support? What idiot blames the victim? Ohhh... yeah... you... you do not deserve herand you are not worthy of any woman... she and other women needs some one more willing to ride to their rescue and ask them... what is wrong baby? Got a problem? Did you suggest to her to file a police report? It is not too late... usually people who have been drugged never finds out that this had happened to them... unless someone has visual proof or in your case hear say... she was violated... to accept this is stupid... many a news report... show a girl or a guy... died because of drug use solicited or not solicited... in the future be selective of the people you associate with... after all bad association spoils any useful habits...

Before you jump to conclusions, no I didn't blame her. I didn't scream or yell or tell her it was her fault. I meant that I couldn't trust her. If something like this happens to someone your in a relationship with I would think you would tell them. Maybe that's just my point of view, I don't know I guess I'm crazy for thinking that. If something like that happens and she doesn't tell me how the hell am I supposed to trust her?

The problem is not you... the world does not fly around you... recognize people have issues... her issue was... she was drugged... she was giving at this drug at a party... she feels betrayed... the carrier of the drugged event could have been you... for all she knows... remember she does not know of whom... drugged... her at this party... had this event happened before... remember you were not at the party... Right... she had reasons not trust you and anyone else for now... another point... victims are not quick tell of an offense against them ( in most serious case)... for fear the event could have labeled her a harlot... your relationship with her is in the lower of low now... especially since... your response to her was perceived as negative and not supporting, superficial... if you did not mean to be read as someone not caring for the safety of this person... you did a weak job at not showing it... harlot issue... you know.. the word that some of friends had expressed about a woman of loose morals... their opinion reflects on you... right... so... that is why you are mad... you are mad at the woman for being forced to play the role of her savior... and you are not in that mind of Mature Adult yet, it does not seem you support issues that make sense... this takes an effort... you will loose friends if you dare to side with her... come on... you can tell... are you worried about that... losing friends over this issue... yes... it is going to hurt... you have no reason to get or be mad at this woman... she will have to live with this intrusion on her life for a long time... and she will always remember your response... none... redeem yourself... go to the person... who gave the party and state your objections... if they had not a thing to do about the event... their response will let you know... now remember you will do this... if you care... you will know... if this person is lying... they would be shady in reaction to your query... eyes are not still... the eyes bounces around... seemed unable to focus... sweat on the face especially on the forehead and around the temples... check it out... I learned that from a law enforcement officer... usually this observance is correct... help this woman in your life by finding out who done this horrible and disgusting deed... and give the information you collected to the legal authorities... become her savior/hero... with that action you save the world... heard that phrase from television show... felt it was something to keep... a world taking care of one another... can you dig-it!

I agree with Lunagoddesss and Fr. Chuck , this is serious enough to report and investigate. The only job you have is to understand , support, and protect your g/f. It can't be easy for her.

Lunagoddess I understand what you are saying but I also understand lost point of view.

He obviously loves and cares for her greatly and would like to think that she would be bale to share with him something such as this.

Heck, if I was in a relationship I would like to think so as well. In fact my ex was drugged and I was the first person she wanted to share it with. The person she loved.

It isn't about him, no way. And he shouldn't be mad at her. No way.

But I do think when the time is right he should do what val suggested and discuss his concerns.

Communication is king in relationships and maybe there a deeper issues as to why she felt she couldn't communicate this with him!

I can understand your feeling left out and a little betrayed because she didn't confide in you at the time. But maybe you can use this unfortunate happening to become closer. Being drugged without your knowledge and against your will is not only terrifying, but also embarrassing. Maybe she didn't want you to think less of her, often times the victim feels really stupid and tend to blame themselves. ( unfortunately I know from experience and have the physical scars to show for it) From what I've read so far though it doesn't seem that she was accosted or worse, if that's so, then that is something to be thankful and grateful for.

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I confronted her about it and she admitted it

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Don't know if this is the way you mean't it, but I'm sure you can see how it conveys a very negative attitude and action. Many who are victimized are not forthcoming about it because of the way they will be villified and perceived. In a case like this, one should remember, its not about you or your feelings, its about her.

I'd leave her alone for a while. If she can't be upfront with you and needs other people to lie for her, then that's a red flag.

She says she didn't tell me to protect me because I would want to do something about it and no knows who did it so I can't do anything and I would be better off not knowing. This is what her friends told her to do any she listened to them. When I asked them (theyre my friends too, supposedly) they lied right to my face about it and said nothing happened. I was the only one who didn't know. And the fact that I had to find out from someone that I barely talk to makes it worse. I mean thank god nothing happened to her but still I should have known. I understand when everyone says don't be mad at her but from my point of view I should be. I mean if she says she didn't tell me this to "protect" me what else isn't she telling me. Obviously she had no intention of telling me but she should have been up front from the beginning. I'm not the one that needs protecting and I think your right s ciani, I think it's a huge red flag.

Dude - to be blunt - you are kind of sensitive. This more of growing that spine. You shouldn't be mad at anyone. They know how you will react.

WHY on earth would you break up with HER?? That's ridiculous. It doesn't sound like she wanted to be druged.

This is part of your growing up process. This is your issue - not their's. They know from past experience how you would react.

I agree - way to negative. You might want to re-think this - the world isn't against you.

I agree - with Lunna - the world doesn't revolve around you - this isn't your deal. And again - those people know how you would react and are reacting - grow up and be part of the solution - not more problems.

What is also a red flag is when your friends and g/f think that keeping something from you is necessary. There must be something that they know and we don't. You both are young and need some talking too. You both have issues that need addressing

I understand that but I still think that she should have told me, I think anyone in a relationship would do the same. I mean, am I just supposed to say its OK I'm not mad anymore?

Also, I didn't mean break up with her because this happened but because she wasn't up front with me about it, which makes me doubt my trust in her.

I can appreciate your position, Lost. I don't lie and so I don't feel the need to tolerate those who do. And if that is where you are coming from, then more power to you. If I had friends who lied to me "for my protection", it would be something of a issue, yes and a red flag for me since I have experienced people who do that. They don't even see it as lying. But the thing is, I don't know you. None of us here do, really. And I know that these days, people think nothing of lying, routinely even. So I don't really know if you are of that camp and/or if you did something that prompted her not to trust you too. Which is why its difficult to be 100% with you on this. If you can say you do not lie, then you need a new girlfriend and new friends both since they have and do lie.

Your girlfriend might have felt that it would worry you and didn't want you to think badly of her because of her partying habits. Yes, it is unsafe, but it is not an uncommon occurrence. Also, she might not have known anyone put anything into her drink until later when her friends told her after the fact. She might be embarrassed and scared-- two primary motives to not want to tell someone you love that someone tried to hurt you.

I don't think you should have "confronted" her about the incident. Maybe you meant that you had a talk with her about it and she finally admitted that someone drugged her. I will go with the positive assumption and know that you probably were only worried for her welfare.

You want her to be able to tell you things in confidance and trust her that if something is harming her that she will tell you because she loves you. This is completely understandable and you are right to feel a little betrayed in all of this because everyone knew about it except for you. However, instead of getting mad and breaking up let your girlfriend know that you care about her and want her to feel comfortable telling you about things.

I understand your position and hers. I don't think you should get upset so much about this because she did eventually tell you, but maybe a discussion about communication would be better for both of you.