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Okay here it goes. We have been together for more then 3 yrs and living for almost 2yrs. We have some trust issues in our relationship and I want to know if I am looking into this too much.

I found condoms in my bf's car. Basically it is our car, I do drive it too. So it doesn't make sense why he would hide condoms there. Anyway I found 3 condoms in the console under a whole bunch of papers. They were not in their box just 3 unopened condoms. I have never used that brand with him though.

"He said that he bought them for us on his lunch break and opened the box to see what they were like. He put them in the console and forgot about them" But why did he throw out the box?

He said they are no good anyway because of the cold they wouldve freezed(its winter here) I asked him if he thought that then, why did you put them in the console in the first place. He said they wouldve been there for a couple of hours so it wouldn't have ruined them but since he forgot about them they are ruined.

I asked him about this only twice both times he wouldn't look at me and scted all frustrated and asked why I always assume the worst. And I do because of the issues.
Am I crazy? I feel like I have ruined my relationship or pushed him to do something because of all my suspicsions. Does his answer seem reasonable to you? Am I being foolish?

Has he done other things to make you so suspicious of him?

If he's actually guilty, then you might be onto something. But if it's innocent, then you're definitely pushing him away by making all these accusations.

Seems like your problems stems from more than just these condoms.

Could you explain what the trust issues are?
Are they mutual?

Yes I have reason to doubt him. 8 months ago I found texts from 3 girls. I didn't even have a clue who they were. They were talking about sex, one girl said 'dont make me beg", " I want to give it to you", "I am not going to help you cheat on your girlfriend, if I was your girlfriend I wouldn't want you to cheat on me". He said they were joking.
And I know before he joked around with a friend along those lines(I know her) so I gave him the benfit of the doubt. Because he is stupid when it comes to flirting in a joking matter. He doesn't know when to stop before he crosses that line.

If he makes you feel so un=trusting, and insecure (not to mention frustrated and mad) why are you still there? Seems to me after 3 years together you would have established the boundaries of good behavior.

So the question remains, why are you there still in light of his actions? Even though I can sympathize with you being unwilling to leave and you have high hopes of him changing, be honest, Has he gained your trust and is he trying?

I think once you answer these questions for yourself, the path will be clear what you do about it.

Three different girls joking?
Why do I smell a rat?
Time you and he had a really serious talk,I don't think you have 'issues', I think,sad as it probably is,more here than meets the eye.

The texts would have been enough for me to say he crossed the lines. His story does hold some water though because I've forgotten about things I've bought and put in my console.

Which on the subject, I found my skittles bag from about a month ago that I looked everywhere for!

Since I'm not your friend, I can be blunt. Please forgive me in advance.

Since you live with your boyfriend, you have a false sense of commitment. You're still just dating, this is still just an experiment. Since you're living with your boyfriend, you are far less likely to respond to information that indicates the experiment is failing in the correct (and helpful to you) manner.

I'm not speeching at you for living with him, I just want you to see the problems you have to overcome here, and I don't think the problems are his, they're yours.

If you lived on your own and was seeking a mate in life that you could show off to the world, and knowing now what you know about this man, would start dating him seriously right now if this were the beginning?

Would you?

Also, were you NOT living with him and this stuff were going on, how much simpler would it be for you to end a failing experiment? And do it peacefully?

There's nothing peaceful about moving on in life when it also involves moving OUT!

I don't think girls are particularly smart about how they choose to respond to things, but I do think they are particularly intuitive when it comes to trust analysis. So I ask you, "Can you trust this man?"

If you can, then do it. Stop fretting this issue, stop searching for advice on the internet, go back to being blissfully semi-committed.

If you cannot, then don't. Stop fretting this issue, stop searching for advice from others about how you should deal with it, don't deal with it. Start the process of peacefully ending this experiment and get your sanity back.

Remember, the POINT of dating is evaluation. Don't move in with your experiments.

The POINT of marriage is commitment, not perfection. So you will marry an imperfect creature capable of all sorts of mischief and mayhem. So make sure you marry someone who you've already determined you would stand by no matter what came down the path... lies, loves, commitments, betrayals, infidelities and achievements... you have decided to stand it all with this person and persevere.

With that in mind, make sure you don't make it MORE likely to have a long list of things to persevere by ignoring a failing experiment and trying ignore that and risk turning it into a permanent commitment. Heaven forbid.

I say trust your instincts about this guy's character, and don't trust your instincts about your own. He's teaching you who he is, so learn, and decide.

Then make peace with your decision.

I wouldn't buy it. He took the condoms out of the box, because you would have noticed a box. But three condoms under a bunch of papers, likely you wouldn't have.

Busted.

The texts and the nature of the conversations only increases the liklihood that anybody with half a brain would agree with you, that his behaviour is dishonest, to say the least.

It sounds to me like he is lying to you. If my boyfriend told me that story I would not believe it, especially if he had a history of receiving text messages about sex from other girls.

I recently wrote about founding condoms in mine and my bf's car and how he bought them for us and forgot them there. I also mentioned texts between him and some girls were, well lets say he crossed the line.(8 mnths ago)

Well what if I do get the strengh to leave but I am wrong. What if I leave our almost 4yr relationship and move out. Lose all my hopes for us and he was telling the truth.
What if he is telling the truth about the condoms and I lose everything?

Please keep questions like this all in one thread, it allows us to have the complete back story

I am new I didn't know it would go to this one too. Srry.

No worries, that's why were here. I made that mistake a few times ha ha

You already had trust issues to begin with, before this condom incidence. With this kind of history, its very difficult to have that trust restored. And it takes two. Even if he were telling the truth, you don't believe him so what's the point? How will you ever know what the truth is unless you find the rest of the box of condoms in your house? I doubt you will.

What if you stay, and continue to find suspicious behavior, or incidents?

Quite a dilemma facing you, and I would certainly air out those feelings and get some facts, before any decision is made.

He seems to have a reasonable excuse for everything, though doesn't he?

As I tried to underline before, you can actually be fine no matter what the truth is here. You can.

Making the choice to actually marry someone is making the decision to "through thick and thin, for better or worse" with them. That's not just talking about what the universe might throw at you that you two bear together, it's also talking about what you two throw AT each other.

A truly committed couple can endure and overcome pretty much anything.

You have to decide if that's the kind of relationship you have or want to have with this guy. Right now, 4 yrs or not, you are still dating.

I'd say it's time to stop this experiment and call it a success (get married, make the commitment official get to work!) or call it finished (part as amicably as you can).

Really. It's time, don't you think?

If you decide this is the guy, then trust becomes more than just "did he do it or didn't he?" If this is the guy, then trust also needs to mean, "If he did do something wrong, I'm already committed to working it through with him, right?"

I don't think this is so much about giving each other permission to "screw up and/or screw around" as it is about giving each other the assurance that the "what if" stuff is over, the commitment is solid no matter what comes, and you get down to doing that work, whatever it may be.