My boyfriend went on holidays to Thailand. While he was there he says he took a bar girl back to his hotel room and she gave him a massage and a manicure/pedicure. Having read about Thailand and bar girls, I am a little uncomfortable about this situation.

I want to believe that it was just a massage and manicure/pedicure like he said but it just seem a little weird to me for him to have taken her back to his hotel room from a bar, instead of going to a massage parlour. I asked him if he thought it was weird and he just said "thats how they do it here. its not like I got her to give me a blowie or do her up the . I have morals." I asked him how he would feel if I went to a bar and then brought home some random guy to give me a massage and my boyfriend just said "oh well, if you can a guy that would do that".

I'm looking for peoples opinions on this situation. I maybe being silly for trusting him even though what he did, I think is weird. Am I the only one that feels this way?

I would feel the same way. I have no idea how they do things in Thailand for I have never been there, but it does seem a bit odd. You have to give him some credit though, I mean, if something (lets say) did happen, he would obviously feel to guilty in telling you he got a message in his room in the first place. So, that is something to think about. Has he ever cheated before? Have you ever found anything? These are things you have to keep track of. My way of seeing this is fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I do not think this is something you should be worried about. He came clean about bringing her to his room (although, that does sound awful). Maybe try looking up on Google if that really IS the way they do things in Thailand. Hope I helped abit ;)

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You know, there is a reason you date someone for a couple of years. It's not to find out what they do wrong and make them stop. That doesn't work.

You date someone for a long time to find out who they really are and evaluate honestly if their values match yours.

What he did with Thai bar girl is "his thing". It is neither right nor wrong. It simply "is".

When you pressed him on it, showing how much this behavior concerns you, he not only blew off your concerns as silly, he patently implied he would be fine with you in similar situations.

Now the question is simple... Is this "YOU"? Not him, is it 'you'?

If you are beginning to discover the (many) ways that you and your "boyfriend" differ in morality and appropriateness, I certainly hope you're paying attention.

Time spent with this man is only what it is, pleasant or not, and intended as an evaluation. When the evaluation starts to go badly, are you going to ignore that? Or rationalize it away because of your feelings about him. If so, make sure you do that intentionally. Say out loud to yourself, "I can live with this behavior...and that behavior.".. etc.

As a guy, let me tell you, we don't change... and when we do it's very slowly over time. I would be paying close attention to what you're learning and make sure this guy (the one you're now observing, not the version of him in your heart) is the guy you can live with forever and ever, forsaking all others.

I agree this sounds very weird, I wouldn't be okay with it. So to answer your question, no you're not weird, he's weird for thinking that type of behavior is okay.

Is this the same boyfriend? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ip-146505.html

If so, your insecurities have begun a while ago, not just this Thailand incident.

If it's not, then there's a trend...

No matter what story he told you to justify his actions, its up to you to believe him. You don't know what they did, but you know for a fact he took a "bar girl" to his room. ( I would wonder, and ask casually how much for a private massage, pedicure, and manicure). This isn't weird, it was weird that he told you, and expected you to believe him. I would not, nor would I be involved with some one who expected me to believe such a cockamamie story.

Looking back at your other posts, I can see you have fallen for BS guys before so I can see why your insecure and fearful. Your choice in guys is pretty whack!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Looking back at your other posts, I can see you have fallen for BS guys before so I can see why your insecure and fearful. Your choice in guys is pretty whack!

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To take the edge off Tal's last comment, though it may be 100% accurate...

Everyone's choice in everyone is 100% whack at first. Truth is, you start dating people usually off VERY limited information. This can't be helped most of the time. Lacking real indepth info, we tend to make choices about who to date based on superficial things, like looks or stereotype or hobbies... this alone makes it VERY likely you will keep finding yourself with similar characteristics in men.

The trick in dating is to not be so fatalistic about the whole process. Think of it as "I date someone long enough to discover why we can't be together. Then I try to end it as painlessly as possible, for both of us."

You follow that methodology and one day you'll find you're with someone that you can be with, in spite of the bad things you've learned about them... you just "can".

Most people get attached emotionally and choose to be ruled by that, it's a very soap opera approach to life, and the stuff these forums are born for! Hehe.

So, don't fret about so many guys turning out to be duds, or at least duds for you. They all are... except for the last one, and you haven't found him yet.

Happy hunting!

I don't think it matters much how long you've known this guy.

If you think that him bringing a bar girl to his hotel room, for any purpose, is okay, then you have bigger problems than he does.

Wow, your cool... I think I may just love you if we ever met :) ~katrina d.