Please help me.

My mom is very depressed, and she is making me even more depressed. I am 14 years old, but I feel like a 40 year old. I hate my life so much, and sometimes I wish I can just disappear forever.

My mom is single, and my dad does not pay for child support. However, my mom has a house, a very good job, a car and basically everything else that she really needs. However, she is always really negative about her life, and always complains. She calls me selfish, and even though I do so much for her, she always seems to be unsatisfied with me and her life.

She controls everything that I do, and yet wants me to be an adult.

Her daily activities consists of sleeping, going on the internet, complaining, and sleeping some more. I've tried to talk to her so many times about my problems and the troubles that she's causing me, but she either gets really pissed off at me, and tells me how big of a disappointment I am to her. Either way, we always end up in huge fights.

She didn't always use to be like this, and I would give anything for her to be back to the ways she was. She makes my self-esteem drop so rapidly, and makes me hate my life.

I feel caged in, and I want help, but there is no other adults in my life other than my mom. I've went to seek the help from a professional psychiatrist, but since we can only meet like, once every two months, he's not exactly helping much.

The days with my mom now are full of silence and depression. I cannot communicate with my friends anymore, because I am so depressed and so much more mature than they are.

Please give me suggestions as to what I can do, because I really need help.

Because if this keeps going on like this, I might kill myself.

This problem is bigger than what you can solve. If you go to a church call and ask to talk to the councelor or pastor. If not talk with your school councelor or administration. Keep asking for help until someone does, you can't do it on your own and the problem will just get bigger till it's delt with.

You need to remember your mom's problems, aren't your own.. So don't treat as so they are.. You need to focus om making sure you live your life to the fullest, and you need to start as sson a possible.
Like said above, go to any councelor available to you at the moment. I used to always go to my school councelor, and felt great after. You can probably get a schedule with him/her to be able to see them one or twice a week.. Even a half our each of those days will help you. You need to get out all of those negative thoughts, cause their doing you no good in your head!
I also journal, A lot! It's something that really help, especailly after a stressful day.. I write EVERYTHING down, then when I am done I close the book, in which I also put aways all the negatives and stressors of my day!
You could also talk to a doctor about maybe a anti-depressant, those seem to help many people. You just need to remember, they won't help you, unless you help yourself!

If the Psychiatrist is helping but you only see him every couple of months, could you make more frequent appointments? Are there any family members you can talk to? Why are you seeing this person? Is it as a result of this or some other problem?

I agree that your mother's problems aren't your own; however, the situation of living with her and coping with her daily DOES make her problems at least partially yours. Do you have any sense why she's changed? Has she done all the changing or have you changed because you are getting older, less of a child, more of a woman?

I realize you believe all she does nothing of value ("Her daily activities consists of sleeping, going on the internet, complaining, and sleeping some more") but doesn't she also work?

You also said you've expressed your feelings that her "problems" are causing problems for you ("I've tried to talk to her so many times about my problems and the troubles that she's causing me") and maybe that is why she isn't listening. She may not want to take full blame for your problems, whether she is the cause or not.

You need to speak to an adult somewhere - a family member, a clergyman, the Psychiatrist, someone at school. Do you have a friend whose mother would understand?

I suggest reading this site Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self and learning where you need to set your boundaries, what you need to do to insure that you aren't caught up in mothers problems.

I understand exactly what you are going through. My mum suffers from depression and social anxiety disorder and she has had it ever since I can remember. My life growing up wasn't positive and I had a very negative upbringing. My father was never there and was emotionally unavailable. He squandered money left, right and centre and didn't really care about being involved in family life. Looking back, I'm not sure how I managed to get my life together - but I did! And you will too. I know it is tough now but what you need to do is focus on yourself and what you want to achieve. Don't let your mother make you feel depressed. (Easier said than done, I know.) You are not her and it is her responsibility to sort herself out in the end. It is a natural reaction to want to help your mother (I've fallen into this trap many times) - it never really worked for me. Any positive suggestions I had which I thought would have helped her where immediately dismissed much to my frustration so much so that I eventually stopped trying to help her. Just focus all your effort on getting into a more positive situation and getting your own life together. Don't feel guilty either - you should not feel as though you should put your life on hold for your mother's sake. If someone is depressed, it will affect the atmosphere and the people around you. Living in that kind of environment isn't healthy at all. I was brought up in it and everyday was an emotional nightmare. Thank God I'm not there anymore. My life has moved on, and I'm happy now. As for my mother, she is still at home by herself, sleeping on the sofa and watching t.v. Nothing has changed there, and I'm not surprised in all honesty. It makes me feel sad when I think about it but, in all honesty, I have tried everything to help! Sometimes, you've just got to let go... Best of luck and I know everything will work out for you soon xxx

Firstly can I just say your spelling and grammar are excellent,its rare to find a 14 year old who can be so elequent in expressing their problems.

Getting to the point of solving this,well,at 14 there is not much you can do,only another adult can help you.

Could I ask,do you have a social worker?

Can you contact a social worker?

A teacher in school?

An aunt? A neighbour? The police?

It is all so overwhelming for a 14 year old,you need to get help.

You need to ask for help in real time,anyone here can only point you in the right direction.

I haven't got the same reason, but my mum thinks I really hate her and that I don't do anything for her when I really do!
She says I'm the one that makes her depressed, when I tell her she upsets me she always goes, your always blaming me and its never you! This morning she screamed I can't take it anymore and ran out of the living room crying, I'm trying not to self harm again, but I feel like suicide, but I don't want to leave my boyfriend or my friends and family </3
Im 13, and I'm lost. In a nightmare, my unsweet reality.
</3

We are both in very similar situation. My mom is also a very depressed person, I am now in my 20th and still living with her.
Most of the time I feel like I could have enjoyed a much happier life without her.

But Hey! Don't let her influence your life in any negative way, I know this is really hard to do but you have to become a stronger person compared to other kids of your age (if you feel lonely and sad, turn your attention to the outside world: read inspiring books, go for a walk in the park, call your friends, sing... because there are plenty of beautiful things out there for you to discover and learn). Remember you are not the only child having such kind of parent. You are still so young and you need to take care of yourself, if not, you will be completely influenced by her negative energy and believe me it is not her fault, she does not to intentionally harm you because how can she take care of someone else when she can't even take care of her own self?

Find happy time somewhere else, so that you will be well prepared and strong enough to not let her influence your thoughts.
One day, when you grow up into someone strong, you will become a much stronger person and you will be ready to protect yourself from other kinds of negative people in the future.

Good luck and remember you are not alone in this!

Do NOT think about killing yourself (I had the same crazy idea too a couple of times during my teenage life)
I know your feeling so well but this is probably the biggest challenge of your life, remember what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
My suggestion is that you should go out and get yourself a part time job (that really helped me!), involve in extra curricular activities and do some volunteer work in your area. When you interact with other people, trust me the last thing in your mind is to think about suicide.
When you grow older, go travel with friends or organizations (do some exchange programs or volunteer works outside your region or your country will comfort your soul)
Remember the future is bright for you out there and I can feel that you are a beautiful and brilliant kid and NEVER, EVER will you think about dying, because the fact of thinking about it is too negative, it'll waste too much of your energy.

I am now a stronger person, my mom is STILL negative but good thing is that she has less and less influence over me, and I am now learning to control her with my positive emotion.

If you survive this, you will succeed in your life and everything you've lost will eventually be compensated to you through some other way!

I really hope I'm not to late to answer this but I am going through something similar, although I may not know exactly how you feel what I do know is it hurts like hell. You have to remember that you have a whole life ahead of you, all these people your going to meet and great things your going to do. I know it probably doesn't mean much now but just imagine all the great things your going to miss out on

As for your mom I don't know if this is a sensitive topic or not because I don't really know you, but I'm 15 to as I'm guess you are or will be soon? But she could feel misunderstood, lonely, unneeded. Think of how you feel sometimes she is probably feeling the same way. When talking to her instead of saying things like YOU make me feel, YOU never did, and the problems that She's causing you, try a different approach like for example: Mom I would really like to try to connect with you and try to work out our differences.
Make sure you put it in a way that she has been trying even if she has lacked off on that end for a while now because I know that the things you say between parents can be easily misinterpreted. Remember there has to be two people trying on each end and I'm not saying you haven't been I'm saying don't give up and if you do decide to participate in extras curricular activities remember to spend a little time with your mom on the side.

Buy a game of uno or a board game with her. If she says no say its for theaphyy it could really lighten the mood.

Your threat to kill yourself quite honestly frightens me. I'm not sure it's appropriate to even answer you, for anyone other than a trained professional to address this BUT -

You say your mother does nothing but sleep but she has a good job. Is she not working right now?

Is part of the problem (for you) that you don't have contact with your father? I understand he doesn't pay support but do you see him?

Is there perhaps a relative who could speak to your mother? If she's depressed someone else is seeing it and they may not know what to do. Perhaps just having you get out of the house for a while so she can get treatment would help the situation.

It sounds like she's blaming you for her problems. Why is she so disappointed in you? I agree - she wants you to be both an adult AND 14 - and we all know you can't walk on both sides of that street.

Did something trigger this in your mother? Do you maybe remind her of your father and so her anger at him is coming out at you?

I grew up in a broken home and my dad and mom were always making me choose. My mom is depressed and always tries to kill herself. My moms family is a bunch of abusive monsters who abuse her so I filed a report on them. My mom has no where else to go , I won't let her go to a shelter so obviously she had to come live with me,-- but I hear you because growing up I was always depressed just seeing her and now that I have kids of my own and she lives with us, I fear for my kids that they will grow up messed up from seeing her that way too and its not fair. In a way, I want to help her but in a way I have to help my kids too from seeing that and how she is because I have to protect them. I feel torn. I can't help the world,, people say just focus on my kids and my life,, how do you do that and just leave her to a shelter? I cant,, but I can't see my kids see that either... im trying to repair my own life at the momment too,, in the real world family is suppouse to take turns helping but unfortunately I have a unsupportive monster family and I know that God will punish them one day though,, all I can say is Im praying for you,, don't hurt yourself,, seek arms and shelter of those you trust... I know it will get better soon,,

N

You are exactly the same as me. You need to convince your mother to see a consellor. That's is the ONLY way.

Also, mum mum went off her thyroid tablets which caused a lot of her issues. Is there anything like that you haven't considered?

I hope things work out for.