HELP ME PLEASE!! Part one.
OK this is goingt o be pretty long... I had this boyfriend for a year. Things started going downhill after our one year anaversary... I felt like I was being used... (I realize I wasn't now) but at the time I was over exadurating and felt like iw as being used for sexual pleasure and money. So when this started to happen, I started talking to some people and one boy was helping me A lot possibly too much. So I developed a "crush" on this other boy. Eventually I broke up with my boyfriend because I wanted to get over the crush... NOT TO GO OUT WITH HIM... of course my boyfriend... well ex-boyfriend... thought I was leaving him for this other guy. So he stopped talking to me and wouldn't listen to anythign I had to say. So for a week I was just talkingt o the other boy. Eventually my ex still hadn't talked to me at all and so I decided to go out with the crush... bad idea... so we were dateing for a month and then I realized he wasn't at all what I thought he was. And I realized I still lvoed my ex, no matter how much I denied it. So me and the crush broke up. After that happened... I was talking to my ex to tell him how I felt... this is the exact conversation.
t-i still love you
l-..
l-i don't know what to say
t-well, you don't have to say anything I just thought yo umight want to know..
l-tina you hurt me more then anyone has ever hurt me before I don't think I can ever look at you the same again..
So a whole bunch more was said and lead to...
t-well do you still have ne feelings at all for me?
l-tina, I don't no how I feel, I can never see you in the same way, were not going to go back together but you need to no, I do not love you, but I will not forget u
t-ok... so basically I should move on cause there's no chance of anything ever happening ever ever again...
l-.. you have to move on
t-well you... allright... I have one last thing to say before I move on... I love you and I always will no matter what... im sorry for
Everythign I did to you... and one day I hope we can become good friends... but until then I guess it'll just be casual talk every once in a while... but you even said yourself, everyone deserves a second chance at love..
l-well, not in this case... were through, its over. And about being friends, it'll take time..
So.. after that happened (2 or 3 weeks) I started talking to some other people, and again... stupid me... developed another crush... except this time... it was my ex's best friends older brother... and my ex's older brothers best friend... that lives down the street... stupid me.. so the new crush talked to my ex after a while and my ex told him that he didn't care if we went out... so since my ex told me I had to move on... thats what I tried to do... so I went out with the second crush... about a week after us dateing... my ex showed up at my house to get his guitar... not to mention didn't say a word to me... this is how our conversation went on msn that night...
*note* marty was the first crush... dave the second... matt is my ex's name.
l- how did you and dave hook up anyway
t- I don't know we were talking on msn and it was
After I broke up with marty and he was talking about
Like you and me and saying how he like allways wanted us
To get back together and stuff and I told him ntohing
Was going to happen again and I don't know we just started
Likeing each other and we started hanging out but we
Didn't want to go out because he thought you still liked me or
Something and he didn't want you to be mad at him and
Then he like said he talked to you or something and then
You said you didn't care and then he asked me out like 2
Weeks ago or something like that
l- ic
l- that's interesting
t- yea..
Blah blah some other stuff
l- was it worth it
t- not at all
l- u know you left me for marty because you thought
It was better on the other side, you put me through such
Pain and you say you love me so much and you wanted me banc
Then like 3 or 4 weeks later, your with dave
l- so apprently you couldn't have cared that
Much
l- or so it would seem...
t- I didn't leav you for marty I left to get
Over all the that was going on and straighten myself out... I never wanted to go out with him but you
Got so mad (I can understand why)that I was just like
w/e... and then... the only reason I decided to go
Out with dave is because nothing was going to happen... you told
Me... so then me and him started likeign each other... I
Still like you a lot... and I always will... but if your
Never going to feel the same then what's the point... you
Told me to move on so I did
t- or I'm trying to anyway
l- tina, maybe when you went out with marty and
U didn't really llike him, when you broke up with him and I
Said give it time, maybe you should have instead going out
With dave things could have been different now
t- what?. no you said you can never look at
Me the same and we'd never get back togeth and I said
Are you saying I should just give up and move on and
Your like yes
t- you said give it time to be friends
.. that was an email I sent to a few places around….uhmm like end of may…beginning of june….so it kind of gives you some backround info…what ended up happening was I broke up with the dave guy…and got back together with my ex….matt.
When August came…. Things started to get a little shakey….he threw me against a wall!! “jokingly”….and he even said a stupid thing like “its perfectly fine to hit your kids” when I've been in a situation like that…with my dad hitting me….. and this is deffinately NOT the amtt that I knew AT ALL like everyone that knew him thought he was the nicest most considerate guy who would do anything for anyone and everyon e agreed he had changed….we had a long conversation and we would just keep fighting or he's say oh lets stop talking about this cause its making us both upset or stuff like that and I got fed up so the next night I hung out with a friend….no big deal right….the night after, I HAD to have one of my friends sleep over because they were working for my dad and they needed a ride to work…and the day after, my friend showed up at my hosue because shse got kicked out. So my ex got mad at me and the day after…(so we didn’t see each other for 3 days…but still talked on the phone) and he got mad…and ended up breaking up with me.
After we broke up I started dateing this guy kyle…we didn’t last long…he stopped calling me and I got really upset about it…we never really broke up, just stopped talking…so in a way I guess we did break up… SO
After a month or so…I took some timwe to myself and then started dateing this boy that I guess I've always kind of had a thing for…thought he was cute and we were always flirty and such.. and I'm with him right now. The only problem is….. hes a huge player….and I can't trust him no matter what….we’ve been together for over a month now and he says I mean the world to him and without me he doesn’t know what he would do and, its not like him to say stuff like that….so I don’t know what will happen there and like…I met this guy,….. chris.. and well…I could honestly marry him tomorrow….like…me and him have SO much in common its not funny and before I even said anything…there so much about life we see the same way and like how we want to live life….like the one biggest thing is I want to get married young…which not many people these days think. But I do. And so does he….and like when we were both younger…we lived down the street from each other…didn’t even know it….I was best friends with his cousin….. didnt even know it….and he plays hockey in the league my dad does….17 and up league…and I guess we kind of had a thing going….I know I know…shame on me…but anyways…all my friends that have met him say he is perfect for me and unlike any other guy that they’ve seen me like…and they say when I'm around him, they’ve never seen me happier…
But he just got out of a bad relationship…well not just…but in January…and hasn’t dated anyone since then…and he said he hates her and blah blah blah…and when she found out he was talking to me…she called him up and they hung out…and I haven't seen him since because his cars been broken down and he's been looking for a new one…… but like…he says if he cares about someone he would never let them take the bus down….his ex lives 2 hours away and he made her take the bus….I like 15 minutes away and he doesn’t let me take it? So? Yea… I dunno…because if it would work out…I want to spend my life with him.
But NOW I figured out why the one guy stopped calling me…it was because he had so much stuff going on in his life ( I won't mention it, privacy and respect.) that he didn’t want to drag me into the life he was living…and he says he still loves me….but how do I know he won't just do it again,…
THEN, I recently just found out that my ex of 2 years (matt) said that if I can't prove to him that things can be the same as they were….yea that’s right if IIIIIIIII can prove it….then in a bit he wants to try it again….after this conversation he has the nerve to say that to me!
( I made him promise me that he would still talk to me.. and he made me promise him that I wouldn’t hurt myself….. when he refused to talk to me, this is how our conversation went.. )
Continued on part 2!
