Ask Me Help Desk - My girlfriend left me because she feels happier

My girlfriend of 5 months has left me because she said she feels happier without me. She also added not to be sad, she loves me but she's not in love with me. We had been talking for about a month before we went out. This is the second time we break up. The first time was because she wasn't feeling it. 4 days later we got back together because of her jealousy. I am in tremendous pain because I fell in love with her the first time I saw her. Thank you for looking at this and helping me.
-Kevin

You fell in love with her when you saw her? Did you fall in love with HER, or with what you SAW?

You use the word love several times in your post, and it seems that you don't know what love is. Love is commitment. Love is not romantic feelings, it is a choice, it is choosing to love in spite of feelings for someone. Love is being willing to die for someone. Love is still being committed, even when you can't see, hear, or touch the person.
In light of this description of love, you didn't love your girlfriend (since you left her because you didn't have feelings for her) and she doesn't love you, (since she couldn't be committed.)

I know you are in pain, but you need to learn from this experience. Don't contact her. Move onward and upward, and heal from the breakup.

I'm sorry, what you are going through really hurts. Just keep telling yourself this: you can't make her stay. She wants out. And you deserve someone who has staying power. Hang in there, time will make it more bearable.

Her feelings changed and you must accept that and start moving on.
Have you read the advice on how to handle breakups in the stickies at the top of the relationship page?

I was in a similar situation with my ex boyfriend. He said the same thing to me as well and it hurt. It sounds like she just wants you there when she is ready, then feels that she can leave when she is also ready. This is not fair on you and if you continue to allow her to do this you end up getting really really hurt in the end.

Don't let her do this to you. I think you should try No contact with her until your pain goes away. I was with my ex for 3 years, he said the same thing to me as your girlfrend did and then left me. I had false hope, believed he would take me back, phoned him, texted him,emailed him which just pushed him further away and made me even more hurt.

I know when you love someone it seems impossible to let them go but you have too. I know it hurts its not long since my ex dumped me (because he was not in love with me) but there is hope.

Do things that you enjoy doing, get out, spend time with your family/friends to distract you thinking about her.

Read the articles about no contact and break ups. Ive been doing no contact with my ex and you know what.. I feel so much better within myself and as time goes on you will too..

But honestly I think that if she does not want to be with you, you need to let her go. Maybe she will miss you and come back, maybe she won't, but at least you can focus on U

Stay strong

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I am in tremendous pain because I fell in love with her the first time I saw her.

Of course it hurt when we are in love but the person we love doesn't love us the same way, and it hurt worse when they keep leaving.

Its normal, but the reality is, no matter how much you cared, you have to realize that your feelings are stronger and more intense than hers ever was, and you have to let her go.

How you handle these facts? By leaving her alone, and not having any contact with her what so ever, so you can heal, and put things back in there proper perspective.

Its also important to go back to what you were doing before you met. Stay busy helps pass the time as healing is a very slow process, and very hard to go through.

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this is the second time we break up. The first time was because she wasn't feeling it.

The same as now, so take her word she ain't feeling it. Probably never did!

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4 days later we got back together because of her jealousy.

She may not be feeling it, but she doesn't want you to move on. This is a fair warning that her words will never match her actions.

Don't play the yo-yo game with her any longer, as jealousy is a lousy excuse to take someone back, and no doubt seeing you happy without her may freak her out, and cause her to do anything to keep you from being happy.

That's why its very important, to leave her alone, and ignore any contact with her, to keep you from confusing you and playing on your feelings.

When the shock and hurt, wears off, you will see things a lot more clearly.

Tal really offered great advice about moving on.

I'm sorry about your pain, but you have to face up to the fact that it's over. Look back - You had a huge red flag the first time you broke up when she told you she "just wasn't feeling it". It's fortunate to be ending now instead of a years down the road when you're totally invested in the relationship.

You need to heal from this relationship and find that perfect lady who loves you and is in it for the long haul. She's out there somewhere, so start looking!