I just found out four days ago that my husband has been cheating on me for approximately eight months with a woman from his office.
Unfortunately we have been going through a lot lately, as the same month he started the affair, I found out I was pregnant with a baby that we were trying for. Thus, for months he has been a complete jerk, very standoff-ish and I couldn't figure out why.
Fast forward up to a few months ago where I find out I have breast cancer and am still pregnant. Apparently he finally said goodbye to this woman since I had the cancer diagnosis, however, why wouldn't the fact that he had a baby on the way make him realize that what he was doing was seriously wrong.
I am now doing Chemotherapy, we have a two month old beautiful girl, but also now find myself in this predicament. I will definitely leave this clueless bastard, but unfortunately I have to get through this illness first and kick it, thus I don't know how to handle sleepless nights with a baby and puking mornings with chemotherapy. I want so much to kick him out, but not sure if its an option right now. Can we live together for two more months and then say goodbye, can I live near someone who disgusts me so much. Too many questions, so this is why I write.
MP

Hi Melanie - gosh, I am so sorry to hear of this situation. My heart really goes out to you.

I think you are asking questions that only you can answer, though. I know that's really hard to decide what you will do because you have so much going on at the moment.

Clearly, you have 3 major life priorities that you are juggling all at once: your own life and health, your marriage, and your baby... I'm certain that what order those fall in is probably a struggle for you as well.

Do you have family that can help you manage both of your life and child demands? Someone to help you take care of your baby while you are undergoing chemo? It just seems like an immense burden to carry alone. On the other hand, perhaps the most advantageous thing for you to do at the moment is to depend upon your husband for the time being until you are well. Obviously, you and him have issues to deal with but you can only chew on one issue at a time and unfortunately you have several going at once. Perhaps as your strength permits, you can have some discussion with your husband about what you need him to do for you at this point in your life: you need him to help take care of your daughter and to help you when you are sick and weak. If he has any decency as a human being, he should help you.

It seems like you may have to put up with each other until a time when dealing with your marriage is most appropriate. I know you must be hurting in many different ways but if I were you, I would not handle it alone. You need the support of family and good friends to help you during this difficult time.

You sound so overwhelmed at this point, and could use more than moral support. Hubby sounds useless so maybe a relative can give you some live in support for a while while you get some health back.

Maybe a male relative to clue your husband in on the need to be useful in your time of need?

I think that you need to focus on getting well.

That must be your first priority, as with the new baby and chemotherapy I imagine your reserves of energy are very depleted.

Are you able to go and stay with any family? Can you ask him to go and stay with his family or friends?

Since having him around is not making you feel any better, either leave the house or get him out of the house.

Once you're past the Chemo, you can decide if you want to reconcile, get counselling or separate.

For the moment, focus on yourself.