Husband and I are having problems. So to help make things better, We have been doing marriage groups from church, (only if *IM* the one who pushes us to go) I have been trying to spice up our sex life, (infact everything he knows, he learned from ME) I plan all the date nights, I cook, clean, take care of our kids, I do everything PLUS manage our side business...

I try to communicate with him everyday, but he kind of just sits there..

Last night, I knew he was having a bad start to the week, (he was being a grouch again) so I planned a great date night in. I ordered out from red lobster, had the kids ready for bed, the works.. He was so ungrateful, so unthankful.. It killed me. I wanted to cry

He never seems to be happy unless he's smoking pot and when he's not smoking pot, he has to be drinking. What an f-in LOSER! Almost 30 yrs old, father, husband, and feels the need to be intoxicated to be happy.. WHAT A CATCH!

Hes making me miserable.

I feel ugly, worthless.. Everything negative in the book.. I don't think I have the stregnth to help our marriage anymore.. I can only do so much before I break.. and Im at my breaking point.


I don't know what to do..

Thank you in advanced for your opinions.


God bless

I think it was Dear Abby (or maybe her sister) that had a rule of thumb for this. You have to decide if you are better off staying with him or leaving him. That's really a decision only you can make.

Why is it all or nothing I'm wondering here.

The pot smoking and drinking is probably what is causing his lethargy, lack of interest, and low sex drive.

Have you considered attending any support groups for help in understanding why his behaviour is what it is?

You knocking yourself out to do all the right things, while commedable, is not going to solve the substance abuse issues.

Have you talked to him about quitting the pot and booze? What reactions does he have.

He could very well be a different person when the haze lifts, if he has the fortitude and desire to see that his use, may be a major factor in the marriage breaking down.

In the meanwhile, you can't fix him if he doesn't think he has a problem. Stop knocking yourself out, and instead invest that time in some research, and seek out groups, or therapy, to help you understand why he is the way he is.

If it were me, I would make sure all stones are uncovered before I made a decision to abandon the marriage.

Its not romance, or fancy dinners he wants. Want to find out what it really is? Stop fixing, back up, and observe.

So often we are so looking for solutions we look at things from our own perspective. But our own feelings get in the way of seeing what we need to.

There is an underlying reason he would rather be zonked than deal with reality for what it is.

Your job is to find it. Have patience, as sometimes communications is more than talking, its listening, and paying attention with an open mind.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ImHereForYouToo

I am so sorry you are going through this. My husband had a meth addiction too, hes been clean for 3 years now. It has def taken a toll on his personality and mental health as well..

I think you should give him an intervention. Tell him whats going on, how you feel, if your son is old enough have him write a letter how he feels, and litterally read them to him. if hes ready to change, start making plans for you and your family, such as, golf day, picnics, trips, craft day, look at trucks.. then discuss how you two can get another truck, start saving.. that will help his self esteem/regretful attitude..


Also, turning to the Lord.. Helps A LOT! Marriage counseling, etc.. maybe he needs to be screened to see whats going on with him..

---

The post that you added to an older thread has a couple of facts that you left out here. Meth addiction/rehab, clean for three years (however, he really isn't clean, is he?), and that it has 'taken a toll on his personality and mental health.' How long have you been together and how long have his addictions been running his life?

How much of the advice that you gave the other person have you tried? Besides the 'spicing up' and marriage counseling?

The meth addiction appears to have been replaced with marijuana. It also appears that you have been dealing with his addictions for a very long time.

I am going to suggest along the lines of Jake's suggestion that you seek counseling for yourself. You need to take a step back from him and his problems to get support for yourself. You can't hold everything up yourself.

As I think you already know, you can't make him change. He has to want to get better and to be a part of the family and marriage. You can only change yourself. I am going to suggest that you live your life. Leave openings for him, but make it to where he has to make the effort to 'fit in'. Sit down with him and explain (as emotionlessly as you can) to him that he is in most ways abandoning the family (it sounds like-again). He needs help-again. Give him the contact numbers-again. Then back off.

Good luck.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

Its not romance, or fancy dinners he wants. Want to find out what it really is? Stop fixing, back up, and observe.

So often we are so looking for solutions we look at things from our own perspective. But our own feelings get in the way of seeing what we need to.

There is an underlying reason he would rather be zonked than deal with reality for what it is.

Your job is to find it. Have patience, as sometimes communications is more than talking, its listening, and paying attention with an open mind.

---

Sorry, I'm finding it very hard to type in the new 'midget' format.. I meant...

That's a really good point about looking at it from his perspective.

So you are married to a drug addict? You have two choices as I see it. Tell him in as plane of language as you can that he must stop doing drugs. Get into a rehab program and become a man and father or two get out. I see no other choices.