If this is in the wrong section Mods please move it.

My wife's 30th birthday is coming up this summer and I know she would like a party. I want to do this for her but she has a BIG family. With a family as big as hers it is really putting me over budget. Her parents are divorced and her mom and dad keep giving me family members names that "have to be there". They keep giving me ideas on what to do but neither on of them has offered any money in throwing this grand shindig.

I am not the most tactful person in the world. I usually just say what I am thinking (which usually comes out arrogant and ignorant) but I don't want to start a fight and ruin this for my wife.

So how can I respectfully let them know they need to chip in some money or else they can shove their list of people and idea's up their @$$? (see I told you I am not tactful)

Is this a surprise party?

Why can't your wife decide who she would like to invite?

Gemini yes this is a surprise party. Sorry I forgot all about that part.

How about asking if people can bring something with them,food,drink,.

Delegate!.

Be tactful just say if this is going to be a success I need people who can take pictures,help prepare and pay for food,can this group of people pay for a dj? etc...

Ask her mother who on the 'list' can help with what..

Red, I have a DJ for free (I have a lot of friends who DJ). I am actually having the party at her favorite restaurant in Philadelphia. The problem is the place I am having it at charges $48.00 a person. Which was fine when I had my list of 40 people but now this list keeps growing by the week it is now almost at 100 people, it might be over 100 I've just been to afraid to check my email. And to be honest half the people that "Have to be there" I've never even met. And I have known my wife for over 10 years.

Go back to the list of 40 people.

Easier said then done I know,how about stick to the 40 for dinner and sending the rest evening invites,drinks and music,its an easy mistake to make,your only a mere mortal after all,but if its booked for 40,what can you do,apoligies to the rest but would love to see you all after.

You are right Red I should stick to the list of 40. I admit there were about 15 people on their list that I though oh damn I forgot about them and they should be there. Then that opened up the flood gates because if I invite Uncle Joe then Uncle Fred and his wife and 5 kids have to come.

So stick with the list,you won't have to sell the house to pay for the full bellies of people you don't even know and they still get an invite to the evening... and plus your wife won't go balistic after the initial high of seeing everyone,to suddenly toting up in her head 100 mouths to feed!

Thanks Red my anxiety level has just dropped!!

Your welcome,enjoy the party.

Agreed about sticking to the list! You're footing the bill, so you add and cull who you wish. (Uncle Joe and the 5 kids won't add anything to your wife's surprise evening!) Just tell your in-laws you're on a budget and thank them for their suggestions. I feel for you - it sounds worse than a wedding.

You also could hold a second one at a park with the relatives. Everyone bring something because its pot luck. And maybe you could offer to cook what they bring and have a family BBQ. Keep it separate from the party your going to have with friends.