We have been together for 2 years and married for 1. He recently came back from a trip overseas and everything was fine for the first couple of days, then he started not showing me any affection what so ever. Like I would be sitting on the couch 2 foot away and he won't even touch me. When we lay in bed he doesn't touch me. I asked him if he has tought of being with someone else of if he wants to be with someone and he says no.wallah So I sit next to him and I lay my hed on his shoulder and he tells me he is busy. He isn't doing anything to be interupted so I don't understand what is going on. I have been faithful by Allah, and he says he has been faithful by Allah also. Sooooooo, what could be the problem? ( I am a muslim comvert and he was born muslim and moved to usa and he says he was a vergin, and I don't know if he really was or not, but he swore by allah he was.)

I suspect that this isn't about turning your Muslim husband on, but about talking to him to find out what's happening.

You're worried about infidelity, which could be the case of course, but have you thought that perhaps the trip didn't go well, or that there is something else that's worrying him?

He may be a naturally taciturn sort of person and some men withdraw rather than talking about their feelings. He may feel that talking about something that's worrying him may diminish him in your eyes.

It's easy to worry, but try not to make it about you and your insecurities. Cook him a nice dinner, or go for a drive somewhere and just talk to him without being accusing. See if there is anything else worrying him before you jump to conclusions.

He wants us to separate and lve in separate places, but still be married. He said to me that he wants to get his life back in order, and that I need to get on my feet and start a better life for myself, and that he wants to have it the way it use to be. Like he lived in one place and I lived in another and he came to visit me and we did things and I am so confused about this since he was raised very differently. He was born muslim and follows Gods laws, and he still does. He says that he won't be with anybody else and that it is not that he ever thought of being with someone else since I was his first everything. I don't know if I am emotionally able to move out and still be married but live in separate houses. He said he waants to just go with the flow. I keep thinking that he is just doing this so that he can prepare himself to get emotionally and physically detached from me so that it would be easier for him to divorce later on. He says that this is the way he is able to work on our marriage instead of just calling it quits. Yes this is difficult for me to understand because I was raised american and I converted to Islam. I have been married before, but he was drugs and alcohol and abusive and I have 2 boys, but they don't live with me
:( But, I still want the husband I have now. I couldn't ask for anything mre. He is a great person and he is very nice and he use to tend to my emotional needs and other as well, but now, he hs stopped saying he loves me so I stop saying it too no matter how much it hurts me. He still distances himself from me. Iwish I could fix it. I want to be the one who makes him happy. I already do everythign I am supposed to do as a wife. Cook, clean, organize, tend to his needs. And, he doesn't have to do anything I even clean up after him like I would my children an dI don't complain because I love him so much it doesn't matter. I take the garbage out not him. I fix the cars, not him. I do everythign in my power to please him and now he wants me to move out on my own and I am scared that I won't make it because I have never experienced living on my own before and I am almost 30. So yes you were right that there was more to my question than what was originally asked. Any other advice would be greatly appreciated. And thank you for taking the time to respond with your initial response.

OK you answered your own question. Move out and hire a lawyer to file for divorce. He is typically of many men, totally insensitive and useless. Move on and next time be more careful of your choices. Don't let sex drive your emotions.

Well I totally don't agree with the previous advice that many men are insensitive and useless!

However, it does sound as if your husband wants to get out of the marriage. I'm not sure what living separately to get his life back in order means - it sounds as if you are the one that provides order to his life, as you do everything for him! Might this be the part of the problem?

I would suggest that you think about getting some legal advice to assist yourself to feel as if you've got some power in this situation. You do seem to have handed all your power over to your husband.

Although you want to be the one to make him happy and you want him to live with you, it looks as if he thinks differently. So, you need to make some decisions about whether you'll agree to this 'trial' separation, if he will support you while you're living apart, how he will 'work on the marriage' while you're apart and how you will both know when he's 'sorted his life out'.

There needs to be a time limit on this 'separation', so that you're not left hanging around, scared, and waiting for him to change his mind.

You also need to investigate the options available to you in terms of protecting yourself legally. This is very important because I don't think he is being totally honest with you about his motives for separating.

Do you have friends or family that you can talk to?

To reply to 450donn reply... My husband was the most wonderful person I have ever met. He never cheated. He never had eyes wandering. And he is confusedrightnow because in islam a man who marries a woman who already has kids is ina totally different situation due to religion. If I wasn't married prior and had kids things would be different. And a logical resoponse to that is to be educated with islam before you reply. It took me a while to under the way he was as a muslim and the way hedid things. He was raised as a Muslim and I was raisedas a Christian andthen convertedto Islam. Everyone has their own opinions and my current husband is not at all useless nor isheinsensitive. When someone doesn't know how a relationship may turn out they do act differently in the way they express their feelings. He is not like any other manand this Ican say because he isa unique person. He is the man of every woman's dreams. He is faithful because he fears Allah, which in the english language means GOD. And, to the other nicer reply,. I do not have family to go to and talk about things because they don't understand the way he was raised and still think like the traditional american. I realized that a lot of americans do think completely different than good muslims because of what americans are exposed to.IE... In america teens are exposed to sex and get pregnant before marriage. In islam law, there is no dating, there are a couple that are in puplic places getting to know each other based on their personality and goals not by the way their body looks because they are covered. The women are. And that is what helps men to not be tempted to be with a woman based on looks. They both decide if they want to be togeter and nothing is arranged. But, now on another note, I still don't understand how working our marriage out is moving to another place. I told him that I would just move out of state, and he said if I stayed close to him he would help me with transportation. I am so confused. It is so strange. I gave him a valentines gift and told him happy valentines day and he didn't get me anything and didn't tell me happy vday either. He went with his uncle on vday and said he won't be back till Tues. I tell him how he hurts me by not showing me loveor affection and he says that I am just crazy and that maybe it is because I hurt him in the past. Which I did, but that was before I was married to him. I cried in his arms and told him that he hurts me so badly when he doesn't touch me or say I love you or hug me anymore and he asks me every time what I want him to do to fix it and I tell him. I have done this 4 nights in a row crying endlessly and he said he would call the cops if I didn't stop crying. I thought WTH? But I kept telling him over and over again what he could do to not hurt my feelings and its like I was talking to him at the moment and he would be sweet and hold me until I stopped crying until the next day and he would stop showing me attention, love eand affection. I don't care about sex. I care about the little things. Like being noticed when I walk in naked instead of him saying why are you naked? Ugh... andwhen I sit next to him if he would just put his arm around me. But he has totally stopped everything. I just don't get it. I have tried and tried to get him to just tell me what he is hiding from me. I told him that I am not going to just hang around to seewhat he is going to do with our marriage. He said that he wanted it to go back to the way it was before. I was not living with him and he would come see me when he could and I the same with him. I am in a situation where I don't have anything. I lost my job and unemployment and my credit is screwed by my ex husband. HE told me that was my fault that my credit was screwed up and I told himm that my ex husband did it and he said that I did. I had to explain to him that when we marry and have an american wedding you take the husbands last name. I had to put everything in my name because my ex had screwed up credit. He ran up all the bills and I wasn't able to get a job and pay anything because he was so jealous an controlling and my credit rating went to no credit to bad credit. So that is going to be a factor in me getting an apartment. He told me to move in with my parents.HAHAHA He forgets that my family is not like his. He suggested my sister and I can't live there either and he keeps pushing the issue that I need to move with somebody soon cause his lease is going to be up and I can't go with him. He said if I wasn't here he would have a roommate. But still he doesn't have a job either. I don't know what to do. I may have to mentally prepare myself to fall out of love with him first so that I can concentrate on where to go next. I am too emotional for all this. I don't know. What od you think? A lawyer is out of the question because we were married at the mosqe and had an islamic wedding. Only two whitnesses. And the divorce is him taking the marrriage certificate to the mosque and telling the iman that hewants adivorce and that will take 3 months and 10 days. I don'thave any friends that are worth any thing or I would stay with them.

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Originally Posted by muslim7

A lawyer is out of the question because we were married at the mosqe and had an islamic wedding. Only two whitnesses. And the divorce is him taking the marrriage certificate to the mosque and telling the iman that hewants adivorce and that will take 3 months and 10 days. I don'thave any friends that are worth any thing or I would stay with them.

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Did you fill out a marriage license and do you have a marriage certificate provided by the state you live in?

If so, then you need a lawyer. He can not LEGALLY divorce you by just going to the mosque. You are married to this man until a JUDGE says you are divorced and the divorce papers are signed. ISLAM has nothing to do with it.

How did you meet him and how long has he lived in the USA?

I don't know what is going through his head, but you need to start taking back your life. He is putting you out no matter what and that is not the action of an Allah-fearing man. That is the action of a man who is looking out for himself and what he wants. Don't allow him to hide his selfishness behind Religion.

You were raised in the USA. Time to start acting like it instead of putting up with what he wants you to believe. As you should know he won't get anywhere calling the cops because you are crying. They will probably have more than one question for him.

I have got NO idea what is in this man's head, but if you are married in the USA you have legal rights. He cannot legally divorce you by taking the marriage certificate to the mosque.

Get in contact with a women's shelter, explain your situation and get advice. They will have people they can refer you to, and many lawyers don't charge for the first consultation.

Also, if you move out you can always share with someone - you don't have to get your own apartment. Try and think outside the square - there are always alternatives.

What concerns me most is that he is playing mind games with you. You must stop being a doormat and subjugating yourself to him and his religion. I have no problems with religion or the Islamic faith, I do have problems when they are used to disempower and control people.

You are being subjected to abusive, bullying behavior. This man does not have your best interests at heart, so you must stand up for yourself. Yes, it's hard and yes, it's sad - but crying won't get you anywhere.

Please go to women's shelter or use the internet to search for organizations that provide free or low cost legal advice. There are too many issues here for you to deal with on your own.