Hey, well here's my story.. lol. I have been dating my boyfriend for a lil' over a year, we've been so great.. til' he went off to college in a different state. I'm not saying we're going to break up, or that it's even an option.. because I am in complete love with him. You've got no idea, it's so real. He's someone I look at and see not only him but me in him, and my future with him, he's so amazing. It's something that can't be explained in words, you'd just have to see us together... ANYWAY, lol. Lately while he's gone I just miss him so much, normally he comes home everyother weekend, but while he's gone we fight at least once, lol. Not like badly, but we argue.. and I know it's because I miss him much, and him me.. lol. But we always feel so bad after, because we're so in love to the point where we just hate it so much, but we find ouselves doing it, and it hurts.. it's tearing ME apart.. lol. Does anyone have anytips on how to not fight as much, because it's for NO reasonnn, a lot! ://

Then there's another situation I want to get engaged and he says he does too, lol. But I have had a lot of experiences throughout my life that keep my from believing something's, lol. Because I just can't believe someone would want that with me, lol. It's like a trust issue.. lol. Any advice with that??

Then another, I am just so afraid I am going to lose him lately.. for about NO reason, cause he's always telling me he loves me.. and he doesn't understand why I feel that way.. because he doesn't, lol. It's just him being away so muchh.. lol. And I am not saying that we're not doing good with our long distance, it's not as bad as this post makes it seem, lol. I just want some advice.. lol.

P.S.
I have anxiety diorder, and there's a lot going on in my life, and I need to know how to not take it out on himmm, cause I think that's why we fight so muchhh.. I miss him, and I am so worried about not only us.. the rest of my life and family/friends.. ://

What do you argue about?

You should expect that when you carry on a long distance relationship, it is easy to wonder what the other is up to, and feel a little insecure that you can't join him, and spend time together.

That leads to resentment, because no amount of talking can replace face to face conversation and communication.

Resentment leads to arguments, little things become big things, and before you know it, you are preparing yourself for the worst because you can't trust him due to irrational thoughts that are harder and harder to control.

Some of it is maturity and experience, some of it is instinct, some of it is just because he's not there.

I would suggest that the next time he's home, and you have an opportunity to talk to him and tell him how you've been feeling, you should do so. If he's innocent of your insecurities and is completely onboard and truthful, then you need to step up, and consider how your behaviour affects him when you are apart.

Nothing will tear up a relationship faster than being insecure, or feeling your needs are not met, when your b/f is doing the best he can, and particularly when he isn't doing anything wrong.

When you do talk over the long distance, do your best not to be critical and nitpick. Think of him, put his needs first, and keep it upbeat and worry free.

First things first, are you getting help for the anxiety disorder? Are you seeing any counselors or are you on any medications? If you are going through a more than usual about of stress you may need to talk to your doctor to make sure that everything that can be done on that end is being done.

It sounds like you are afraid of being hurt. So you are lashing out to keep from being caught off-guard if/when something bad happens. It is difficult but not impossible to change that mindset. You appear to have a boyfriend who is willing to work with you and give you what support he can. Unfortunately, you are the one who is going to have to make the changes to the way you are thinking and reacting. I think you can do it.

I think you have developed a habit of 'best defense is a good offense'. That doesn't work well in relationships. The first thing you need to do is recognize what triggers that 'defense' mechanism. Make a list. Beside each item write down a way to keep yourself from going off. For example: You might have saying 'goodbye' listed. Beside it write other words that don't seem so final or harsh to you. Farewell could be an option. Use the new word and see if it helps lower your anxiety a little bit (every little bit adds up). Ask him to make a list too. When you read it, DO NOT allow yourself to get defensive. Talk about it with him. See what ways you can come up with together to help ease the anxiety and what 'safe' ways he can let you know that you appear to be getting 'defensive'. That way you can take a step back and a few deep breaths and get your thoughts in order before you end up reacting out of fear.

You might want to look into yoga, or meditation as a way to help calm your mind down and get a hold of your emotions. It is amazing how just a few deep breaths can help you feel more in control.

Long Distance Relationship Advice | The Frisky

Surviving a Long-Distance Relationship

Maybe these sights will give you insights into how to handle LDR's. I think it helps not to try so hard to be so perfect. None of us humans are.

The problem with LDR's is that you build up such huge expectations about what it's going to be like when you finally see each other. Of course you're only human so things are never perfect when you do see each other, yet there is the expectation that they SHOULD be perfect, which creates tension.

In your case, you're putting your everything into this relationship and losing yourself in it. You want him to be your all, you want him to constantly reassure you and make your life better - but you don't believe him because things aren't achieving that perfection that you long for.

Top all of this off with an anxiety disorder and you have an explosive mix! It's really really important that you start to deal with what is happening in your life and not take it out on your BF. If you're stressed and anxious then get help. Anxiety disorders respond well to treatment and counselling - so do it.

If you're lonely and miss your BF, that's understandable. But don't wallow in it - get active with friends, family, study. Develop some interests outside your BF and live YOUR life.

Once you begin to do these things your expecations of your BF will change and you'll be beter able to deal with the impefect human beings that we all are.

Give the poor guy a break and do yourself a favor by getting some help.

Thanks Everyone, SO MUCHH! He's truly an amazing guy, and since about a week ago I have been taking a lot of advice into play.. including this, lol. I really do appretiate all the advice. It's helped a lot especially Jake2008, Cat, and Gemini! You're all so great!

I'm currently seeing a theropist, and I have recently been given an anxiety medication and I am taking the steps to live a heathier, more relaxed, life! I'm starting to run a lil' everyday, and eat way healthier.. along with taking my medicine.. I believe it's working great. And I do just blow the little things off that bother me, and when I am done tlking to my boyfriend I think to myself how stupid me being upset honestly was! It's really helping me not get so upset with other things, lol. My theropist also advised that I take all my thought and worries and out them into my journal, and that helps too. Instead of taking them out on him, or family/friends.. I "take it out on my journal".. lol.

It's not just him caught up in all of this, he's just one of the people I wouldn't enjoy lossing, and the one that it'll happen the easiest with, lol. My mom is also helping me with so muchh! She's my scape goat of all stressors, lol. I'm also trying to go to her with more, rather than overlode my boyfriend with everything, lol. Until we're married, I don't believe he should have to hear all my problems.. I'm supposed to have fun with him right now! And not even were married will I unload everything on him, cause my mom and friends are there too! :DDD

It seems you are on the right track.
A journal is an excellent thing and you'll enjoy reading it later on.
Best of luck to you.

Thank you 'amicon', :3

I am glad you are doing better. :)

Journaling sounds like a great way to get out the anxiety. Good luck.:)

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Originally Posted by MandyMarieLove

Thanks Everyone, SO MUCHH! He's truly an amazing guy, and since about a week ago I have been taking a lot of advice into play.. including this, lol. I really do appretiate all the advice. It's helped a lot especially Jake2008, Cat, and Gemini! You're all so great!

I'm currently seeing a theropist, and I have recently been given an anxiety medication and I am taking the steps to live a heathier, more relaxed, life! I'm starting to run a lil' everyday, and eat way healthier.. along with taking my medicine.. I believe it's working great. And I do just blow the little things off that bother me, and when I am done tlking to my bf I think to myself how stupid me being upset honestly was! It's really helping me not get so upset with other things, lol. My theropist also adviced that I take all my thought and worries and out them into my journal, and that helps too. Instead of taking them out on him, or family/friends.. I "take it out on my journal".. lol.

It's not just him caught up in all of this, he's just one of the people I wouldn't enjoy lossing, and the one that it'll happen the easiest with, lol. My mom is also helping me with so muchh!! She's my scape goat of all stressors, lol. I'm also trying to go to her with more, rather than overlode my bf with everything, lol. Until we're married, I don't believe he should have to hear all my problems.. I'm supposed to have fun with him right now!! And not even were married will I unload everything on him, cause my mom and friends are there too!! :DDD

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Great! Wonderful to hear that you're feeling positive, and better still doing something positive.