Hi my names Zach,

I've been utterly confused since I started high school, (in september), And normally I was scared, when I got to the school, everybody was kind, and accepting, and not to mention in grade 9 I'm already the tallest (me being 6'7), anyway

Since a little while ago, I have quit self-abuse, and such, and I'm happy about that, but lately (2 months) I've found myself more upset over the littlest things,

And I'm not sure how to control my emotions, Not to mention all this drama, envolving my ex/old friend Brad, who I cannot stand to this point, we were friends for 8years, and in those 8years, he's always treated me like (sorry for the langauge) and I kept forgiving him like a good friend should do,

Im not sure about him, But I've always thought of him being jealous of me, always going after my exes or girls I like, never trying to find anyone himself, and lately there is this girl in our school (Stephanie) But I gave her the nickname ducky and it stuck, "

So ducky and i got really close, We both liked each other but afraid to admit out true feelings in fear of rejection, and it's been since october, since i can't spend one day without having to talk to here, But anyways, i wen't to brad's New Years Ever party, and all he did was ignore me, and force me to stay there, and be unhappy, as him and his family got waisted, i ended up leaving later around 12pm, and later found out, he did some bad things, and hit his girlfriend Angie (who's also my friend), And stuff, He had never been the ideal guy to date, He's the type that only likes the chase, but never the catch (if you get what i mean),

And he hurt her severley, by breaking up with her for ducky, and they started dating behind Angie and my backs, And since then he has been spreading rumour like " Did you Hear Zach slit his wrists last night " or " Zach is closet gay and won't admit it" and I'm just getting sick of all this drama, and I sincerely care about most of the people in my school, there amazing, and always know how to cheer a guy up, but I can't handle this anymore,

Im trying to move, but I can't and I'm also caught up with these two others girls I really like , Breanne, and sara, Sara and I had a year long On and off relationship (Mostly on) and I still love her, she was one of the only people who ever made me feel happy, and worth living,

And there Breanne, she's amazing beautiful (as well is sara) funny cute, and got everything I enjoy, and I love her, I just am scared to date her because,in a relationships, I tend to be really depressed and take it out all on myself, and I don't want to hurt her at all, although she knows of my depression and stuff,

I just need help, I don't know what to do anymore I'm confused, and tired of crying myself to sleep right as I get home from school, Any Advice at all would be muchly appreaciated,
Zach,

Hi Zach,

I want you to know... There are things worth living for that don't even involve people. The earth is a nice place to live. It's hard to know by being indoors all the time. Get some exercise, eat good food. It will help you feel better.

Relationships often come and go, and certainly worth having. Just please don't forget that most love relationships will end up hurting you. Even best friends, over the years will probably hurt you once or twice. Of course the friends who earn your friendship also earn forgiveness. The ones that matter will care that they hurt you.

It's terrible that your old friend is spreading rumors. The best thing I can say to that is to laugh at it. He;s being ridiculous. Back when I was in high school some of freshmen spread a rumor that a good friend of mine and I were lesbians. We laughed it off. So it goes to show that it helps to have friends, because you can laugh together through the tough times.

Remember that he is not acting like a friend, but other people are.

I suggest not dating until you learn to love yourself. Try to make good decisions and to help others. You will love yourself more for it. It is very important to get to know yourself and love yourself outside of relationships. The self-loathing generally ends up hurting the other person in a love relationship. In my experience, it always does.

Depression is so hard to get rid of. It usually comes back. The very best thing to do is to do your best to be healthy. A healthy body is the best defense against depression. It takes effort but is SO SO SO worth it. I remember during my worst bouts with depression I couldn't even brush my teeth.

You might want to hide but fresh air is the best thing for you now. It will make you feel SO good!

Oh and don't forget that you are a beautiful person!

Thank you lyra, You just really helped cheer me up

Life everything, nothing helps anymore, everything just causes more pain, suicide is the only answer ugghhhh!!