It never rains, it pours!!
Hi All,
Forgive me if I am a little all over the place but to say yesterday was a bad day is a gross understatement. It was horrible and my emotions are still a little messed.
Hope this isn't too long but here goes.
I woke to the news yesterday morning that my Pop (mums dad) had been taken to hospital with pneumonia. He was a very fit and healthy man so it was a bit of a surprise but from all accounts it wasn't too serious. He would hopefully be out in a few days.
Anyway, about an hour later my dad calls me at work to let me know that his mother, my Nan, had been taken to hospital with a broken hip. She had fallen over in the night quite badly. She is 86 but quite spritely but health had been slowly on a downward path..
So this news coupled with my Pop was a little distressing.
Anyway, an hour or so after that my dad rang again telling me that I better come to the hospital straight away as my Pop might not survive.
By the time I had got there he was gone. Very sudden and very upsetting for myself but in particular my mum. She has now lost her mum and dad. So at present she is my No. 1 priority obviously.
So it has been quite a bad day or two.
I went to visit my Nan in hospital last night and although in a lot of pain is going OK. But as you would appreciate a broken hip for a 86 is much more serious for a frail old women than a younger person. There could be major complication with surgery etc. They have put it off once because of her heart and they do have fears for her. And she is smart enough to know this too.
Now here is where it gets complicated for me and I hate it because now isn't about me.
My Nan (all my grandparent in fact) and my ex were very very close. In fact my Nan considered my ex a daughter and my ex considered her a grandmother. More so then her own who had never really been there for my ex. My nan confided in her and had a very close bond, particularly after she lost her own daughter (my aunt) to cancer some years ago. It was a relationship that developed outside the confines of my relationship with both my ex and my gp's.
So when me and my ex broke up my Nan and my Pop (not the one who passed away) were extremely heart broken and felt it heavily. And my ex was so scared and upset of hurting them. I think she was more upset about hurting them then me at times.
Anyway, my gp's offered me the support that I needed and were great throughout my tough times. I would always be No. 1. But given the bond they had developed with my ex they urged her to not completely shut them off and continue to be a part of their life in some way. Which my ex, loving them so much did, as far as I know.
I was fine with this, on the strict proviso that my grandparents never ever talk to me about her and they never ever talk to her about me. I know this would be kept. I wanted my ex out of my life and no contact and it was respected. I still want this as well.
However, with my Nan being the way she is and the future so uncertain, and the fact that I have been so horribly awoken as to how quick they can go, I know my Nan would want my ex to know and I can't say for sure or not but I'm pretty sure my ex would want to know. I'm sure they would like to see each other.
But I don't want to have to deal with the ex. It hurts too much still. This is the first major problem I have had to overcome without her by my side and it has made me realise how much I still miss her. But enforced to me that in order for me to continue to grow that it is something that I need and want to face without her. It is another great growing experience in my healing path.
My priority right now is my mum and family. I don't want the added pressure of having to deal in any way with the ex. Even if it is just a call to tell her what has happened.
But having said that I love my Nan more than anything and would like her to be happy too.
It is just so confusing. I might sound selfish but I am anything but. I am just confused.
Perhaps I could get a mutual friend to mention it to her? I don't know.
Sorry for the long post. I just felt like writing.