My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little under three years now. We first met while taking a class together in college. One day I noticed her in class and thought she was so amazingly beautiful so I made up an excuse to talk to her online. I know it seems a bit on the creepy side, but what can I say I'm a bit of a shy person. Anyway, we began to talk regularly and things took off pretty quick. About a month later we were official and we've been together ever since. We now live together as of Aug 09 and it was pretty amazing for a while, but now things are looking a bit grim lately. Although she's never been the really affectionate type it seems like she isn't welcome to the idea of me kissing her lately, or any other form of affection for that matter. In fact, I can't even recall the last time she went out of her way to give me a kiss or hug or anything remotely close. She has also been acting rather distant and withdrawn from most of our interactions. I've noticed she has been talking to a guy/fellow classmate quite often lately on the internet(facebook chat). However, she doesn't seem to try and hide it too much because I'm sure she knows I can see that it's him she's talking to when I'm standing anywhere near her/her computer, but anytime I'm standing close enough to read it for longer than a few seconds she conveniently minimizes the chat window. Am I imagining things or is she "talking" with this guy behind my back? I love her so much and I don't know how to go about this. Please help.

Talk to her about your concerns.
She is the only one who knows how she feels.

Communication. You have to sit down with her and let her know:
A. Baby, I've been feeling like you are being very distant.
B. When I touch you in anyway, I feel that you detach yourself pretty quickly.
C. I've also noticed that you are minimizing the screen when talking to (Blank).
These are the things I have noticed and it's making me feel uneasy about our relationship.

Then see what she says.

Just talk to her, tell her you do not like the idea of her chatting with that dude.

Also keep in mind, women get comfortable quickly in a relationship so they kisses and hugs disapate. Get use to it.

I have actually mentioned something about it and she responded pretty defensively. All I said to her was "you talk that guy quite a bit now, why is that?" She told me that I can't tell her who to talk to and that nothing is going on so pretty much to butt out. Also, maybe a week ago I asked her in a non-confrontational manner if she had been "talking" to anyone else recently. As in, more than just a friend. She got really defensive again and said no and acted mad for a few days. I've been cheated on in the past, but I've also cheated on a girlfriend in the past so I know how the game works, so to speak. I have this gut feeling that won't go away. Anytime I try and get her to talk about anything lately it never goes anywhere and she ends up changing subject and starting a fight.

I agree with the others... open communication is key. Sounds like you've tried an approach but get a defensive response. Maybe try another approach that doesn't question who or what she's talking to but rather you say, "I feel as if you have been distant and detached lately." Then see what she has to say.

I fear the writing is on the wall though. She sound to be separating herself, one foot out the door. Protect your heart.

Again,you need to know where you stand,so a serious talk about where this relationship is going is in order.

Talk to her dude. Draw the line. You know her better than anyone. If she dances around the subject, like she has been, then there has to be something going on. Why would she feel the need to hide anything from you. You both have trust issues that you need to work on. I think you already know the answer to this question.

I hate Facebook, My last 3 year relationship ended in part because of the Facebook thing. Good luck man. Be strong, tactful, and in a direct but nice way, get your answer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jamesboi

She told me that I can't tell her who to talk to and that nothing is going on so pretty much to butt out.

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You can't tell her who she can and cannot talk to but you do have the right to know who it is and what their relationship is. If it is just a friend she would tell you that and not beat around the bush.

I would certainly be talking about where this thing is headed, and it's a real red flag she is not more forthcoming, and direct about her friends, particularly this facebook fellow.

So I talked to her and said that I was worried about where this relationship with her and this new so called "friend" was going. I started the conversation out by asking her if we could talk and if she could remain calm and not get all defensive, in a less aggressive way of course. She said that he was just a friend and will never be anything more and that she's attracted to me and no one else. Then she got into how unattractive he is by saying that he's short and chubby and has gross shaggy hair, which in all honesty I don't think he's a bad looking guy but he's no model by any means. Anyway, I wasn't worried that she's more attracted to him physically but rather that she's attracted to him because he is in the same major as her, which is graphic design and they have a lot in common with respect to that. I also brought up that fact, but she assured me there is no attraction whatsoever. I don't think she's the cheating type but I still feel a bit uneasy about the whole ordeal. I have dated a girl in the past who I know cheated on me and it was really obvious even when it was going on, even though I cheated on her first and probably deserved it. Anyway, my point is I don't really think she's cheating on me but who knows. My cheating sensor is a bit outdated. Thanks to all who had input on this topic. It really gave me a lot to think about and to talk to her about. Thanks again : )

Keep the communication going in your relationship,that's one of the most important things to remember!
Good luck.

Cheating type? There is no such thing. The one person is just as prone to cheat as the next.

If you put two people of the opposite sex in the same room long enough, eventually they will grow fond to each other, beyond friendship fond.

Its her choice to place herself in this situation, just explain to her that its not that you are scared of them cheating, but that you are not in the mood for stories to begin.

If people see them together too much, then stories might start doing the rounds that they are an item.

So once that starts and the doubt sets in, who are you going to believe? The big question mark or take her word for it?

You both spoke and she reassured you... Now it's time to put your trust blanket on and enjoy the relationship. If you're feeling things are too hot and you can't keep the Trust Blanket on, then it's time you start fixing yourself and heal before you plan on moving any further with this girl. Time to be honest with yourself.

Sorry but the way she´s acting (according to you) she´s probably interested with the guy she´s currently talking to and probably she´s giving you a hint of what might supposed to happen soon in your relationship. Just be ready. Talk to her and find out what you need to find out then if it is irreparable let go of her. She´s the one asking for it anyway. You´d be happier with someone who won´t treat you that way.

Seems like you got a cheater. Try talking to her. This is always the best way to go about things, don't try to stalk her, in fact give her more space. You be the one to back off... Reverse psychology! After a little time, see what happens. She might start to see you drifting back and try to see what's going on for herself, then she might see what she is missing out on ,or she won't. Let time take its course, if worst comes to worst and you find that she is more interested in him or not into you anymore than look at it as another bump in the road. Three years is kind of a while but, time goes on and these things happen to everybody everyday. Just the way life is sometimes. Try to remember that at one time YOU DID have a life without her. If you guys can not work things out by talking than I suggest it be over! Good luck and best wishes.