Previously GA resident, now AL resident. I have a 9 year old who despises his "sperm donor" "biological father" only because he chooses to see him 4-6 hrs. every 3-4 months. I am have been married and my wonderful husband has fathered my son since he was two. My son calls him daddy as he always has. The biological father shows no love and doesn't try to have a realationship with him but a few hour visit maybe 6 times a year. My son, want's his daddy who is his stepfather to adopt him and give him his name. What are the stepfathers rights and most importantly what are my son's rights? Why does the system MAKE him visit a man who does not care. And worst of all, the biological father refuses to give up rights only to "p-----" us off and make it hard on my son. Please HELP!

If you can PROVE the biological father is a danger to the child, or that it's NOT in the child's best interests to see his biological father, then by all means go back to court looking for a termination of parental rights and a step-parent adoption.

But... your child's biological father does a LOT more than many to stay in contact with his child. He doesn't HAVE to give up his rights.

Your son's rights are that he should have a place to live, enough to eat, and a safe environment to live in. When he is 18, he can choose whether he has a relationship with ANY of his parents. Until then, the court decides.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

If you can PROVE the biological father is a danger to the child, or that it's NOT in the child's best interests to see his biological father, then by all means go back to court looking for a termination of parental rights and a step-parent adoption.

But...your child's biological father does a LOT more than many to stay in contact with his child. He doesn't HAVE to give up his rights.

Your son's rights are that he should have a place to live, enough to eat, and a safe environment to live in. When he is 18, he can choose whether or not he has a relationship with ANY of his parents. Until then, the court decides.

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So in other words, this so called "man" can drink all day/night, have a home that is so nasty the child can't walk in, even the law went to talk to this man because of reports of filth and alcohol, which was reported back to DFCS, chooses to have NO relationship with his child, but still has rights just because his sperm brought him into this world. SPERM Don't MAKE YOU A FATHER... But yet, his daddy "stepfather" loves him, provides for him, teaches him right from wrong, plays with him, takes him to church, etc... has NO RIGHT?? This is sad. What has our world come to?

An egg doesn't make you a mother, either.

YOU slept with this man to get pregnant--what does that say about you?

Maybe we should go back to a world where you didn't get pregnant until AFTER you were married, so that we had "appropriate" fathers for our children?

Frankly, if he's that bad, then prove it. Take him to court. Show the court that he's a danger to the child.

If he's not a danger to the child, then he has rights as a BIOLOGICAL father.

PS--As an "egg donor" in an adoption situation, I highly resent the use of the term "sperm donor" for someone you had sex with. A sperm donor is someone who donates sperm to a clinic who then uses it to impregnate a woman without sexual intercourse happening. A sperm donor has no legal rights, as he is not a legal father.

Are you collecting child support from the biological father? If not, then why not? Many times, waiving of child support is a good bribe to get uninterested fathers to terminate their parental rights.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

An egg doesn't make you a mother, either.

YOU slept with this man to get pregnant--what does that say about you?

Maybe we should go back to a world where you didn't get pregnant until AFTER you were married, so that we had "appropriate" fathers for our children?

Frankly, if he's that bad, then prove it. Take him to court. Show the court that he's a danger to the child.

If he's not a danger to the child, then he has rights as a BIOLOGICAL father.

PS--As an "egg donor" in an adoption situation, I highly resent the use of the term "sperm donor" for someone you had sex with. A sperm donor is someone who donates sperm to a clinic who then uses it to impregnate a woman without sexual intercourse happening. A sperm donor has no legal rights, as he is not a legal father.

Are you collecting child support from the biological father? If not, then why not? Many times, waiving of child support is a good bribe to get uninterested fathers to terminate their parental rights.

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Well, first of all, I resent your first statement. I was married to him for 10 yrs. Before getting pregnant. Thank you. What this says about me is that... I chose to love my child and give him a good home... this "man" did not. He chose alcohol over his family...

I divorced him finally because the alcohol abuse and threats got worst and I did not want my son living that way. Yes, it took me that long, because of my bible beliefs. Yes, he pays child support only because he pissed the judge off and asked for a paternity test, the judge got mad because of his repetive lies and socked it to him, made him pay child support through child support enforcement.

What I don't get is that if a Man or Women doesn't want to father or mother their own child, why in God's Name does the courts make the innocent child pay for an adults stupidness?? My son suffers for that - not the alcoholic that wants the father of the year award for spending... lets see... 20 hours or less a YEAR!! My son is more mature at 9 than this man will ever be. And its sad he has no say so who he wants his father to be... the man that loves him and would give his own life for a son that he doesn't even have to father.

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Originally Posted by pgt1031

Well, first of all, I resent your first statement. I was married to him for 10 yrs. before getting pregnant. Thank you. What this says about me is that.... I chose to love my child and give him a good home.... this "man" did not. He chose alcohol over his family.........

I divorced him finally b/c the alcohol abuse and threats got worst and I did not want my son living that way. Yes, it took me that long, b/c of my bible beliefs. Yes, he pays child support only b/c he pissed the judge off and asked for a paternity test, the judge got mad b/c of his repetive lies and socked it to him, made him pay child support thru child support enforcement.

What I don't get is that if a Man or Women doesn't want to father or mother their own child, why in God's Name does the courts make the innocent child pay for an adults stupidness??? My son suffers for that - not the alcoholic that wants the father of the year award for spending....lets see....20 hours or less a YEAR!!!! My son is more mature at 9 than this man will ever be. And its sad he has no say so who he wants his father to be....the man that loves him and would give his own life for a son that he doesn't even have to father.

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What makes this so bad, is that I get tired of watching my son get sick, literally and throw up when this man calls and says I want to see him a few hours. And cries because he hates this man. But yet, as a mother, I have to hold him, watch him cry and throw up and say "son, you have to go b/c the law says so" If anyone is a parent at all... this is heartwrenching. Would I go through the threats and alcohol abuse all over again to have my baby boy - ABSOLUTELY!

If it is that bad, then get a lawyer, and go back to court.

Document EVERYTHING.

If he was abusive, why does he have unsupervised visits?

I would get a good lawyer, and go back to court. And I'd stop referring to your ex as a "sperm donor", because that just makes YOU look bitter, and doesn't do an thing against him.

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Originally Posted by Synnen

If it is that bad, then get a lawyer, and go back to court.

Document EVERYTHING.

If he was abusive, why does he have unsupervised visits?

I would get a good lawyer, and go back to court. And I'd stop referring to your ex as a "sperm donor", because that just makes YOU look bitter, and doesn't do an thing against him.

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1. He did have supervised visits for two years. I left when he was two, the BF didn't have anything to do with him till age 4, because of his absence and denial of the child being his, he had supervised visits for two years. But they don't last forever. Doesn't make much difference now since he sees him 5-6 a year.

2. I have talked to four attorneys and met with two. They all say the same - the "FATHER HAS RIGHTS" bad or good - he has rights. My son has no say so till he's 14 in the state of GA" That's what I keep getting told.

3. No, I am not bitter - just MAD as h---. B/c there is so much BS in the system now and these poor children have no say so in who they want to love them. The courts take one instance and base millions of people of one instead of a Case-by-Case scenario. And it's a cryin shame that little kids have to be mentally abused this way. And I feel like a failure as a mother telling my son "he HAS TO GO" b/c the LAW says so."

4. Child Support? What good is child support "money" when there is no LOVE. Money means NOTHING! LOVE means Everything. I even told the judge I didn't want his money, but noooooooo. In the state of GA, as screwed up as it is, "The father has to pay and the father has rights".

WHAT ABOUT MY CHILD'S RIGHTS. WHERE IS HIS?

Since the system seems to FAIL the CHILDREN, I guess at this point, we can only pray that the higher power - God himself, will take mercy on my son and give him what he prays for several times a day...

God bless those kids out there that want to be loved by someone who wants to love them back. Not by those who only think of themselves. There is hope yet - at least I keep telling myself that.

You child HAS NO RIGHTS until he is 18, other than the rights to have a roof over his head, food to eat, an education, and not to have to suffer abuse from the adults in his life.

If you think this is abuse--then DOCUMENT IT, PROVE IT, and go back to court.

The REASON so many fathers get their rights, by the way, is that so many mothers deny them access to their children because they don't pay, or they don't love the child enough, or they just don't like their ex and don't think he deserves to know his own flesh and blood.

YOUR CHILD HAS NO RIGHTS REGARDING THIS.

I don't know how many times I have to repeat it.

If you don't like the system, start by writing your congressperson. Then get involved in local groups (or start one!) who are trying to change the system.

What difference does it make whether the stepfather adopts or not? Is the amount of love going to change?

I mentioned child support ONLY because it is often a way to bribe a biological parent to give up rights: if they'll sign over rights so that a step parent adoption can take place, then child support will drop.

If your son is mentally abused--what documentation do you have of it? What journals have you kept of what has happened? What pictures have you taken? What reports to the authorities have you made? A court will not make a child stay in an abusive situation, but there's no WAY they're going to stop the biological father's rights on an accusation of abuse with no PROOF.