My boyfriend and I have been together for over two years now and recently bought a house together. He is best man for his cousin's upcoming wedding and is in charge of planning the stag which will be at the strippers. He never goes to the strippers EVER! So I'm lucky that way but just the thought of him going makes me sick inside. The thought of him being around these naked women provokes resentment. Don't even begin to mention the thought of lap dances and whatever else could happen during that night. I have had a rather bad expereince with an ex on this matter and although my current boyfriend is very trustworthy I just don't trust the situation... booze, naked women, testosterone the works. I already have plans with the girls because the thought of waiting at home till he gets home from that makes me feel worse... So how do I change how I feel about this night?

Often we use our past experiences as a gauge to how we view things in our daily lives now. You've admitted that you've had trust issues with an ex on this matter and I have a feeling that has a lot to do with the way you feel about this now, even though your current boyfriend you say is trustworthy.

When I end up in situations like this, I've made a habit of first looking at what's going on from another perspective, almost like a bird's eye view - this helps remove the emotions attached to the situation and see things clearer. One really easy way to do this is by imagining if a close friend of yours came up to you and posed the same question to you - how would you respond/what advice would you give?

If I were in your shoes, I'd simply tell him to have a great time with the boys and that I'd see him when he gets home that night and just enjoy my time with the girls. If this is REALLY bothering you, I'd recommend communicating your feelings and explain why - but again try to end the conversation on a good note. Something like "You know, I trust you and love you but this situation makes me uncomfortable because of what's happened in the past with my ex, but I hope you have a great time with your cousin, etc." Communicating with your partner is key to any relationship.

Thank you for your comment it makes good sense. I have spoken to him about my ex and his lap dances, he just says he's not my ex and that he never ever gave me a reason not to trust him (which is true).

Just make sure that you keep communicating. Don't push your feeling on to him, because I'm sure that if he's a great guy then he understands, but make sure you two are on the same page. Maybe talk to him about how lon they were going to be there and ask him to set a limit on drinks for himself, don't set the limit for him. This way he can give you a good idea of how everything is going to be while he's gone and you can just relax. Maybe ask him if he could text you every once and a while, justto help you relax. Think of it this way, he's only going for a little while and then he's coming home to you. Be glad for that.

If it were me and my boyfriend I'd just tell him no, but he wouldn't want to go anyway. Id' say the same for you but your situation and relationship is very different from mine and my boyfriends.

So good luck and I hope you have fun with the girls.

He is sort of obligated to do the stripper thing considering he is the best man and in charge of planning the stag , the other 20 or so men are all about the "Right of Passage" stripper night so majority rules (I understand that). I spoke to him about the lap dancing thing and that was something I would definitely be upset about and he told me that was out of the question and he was actually pissed off that I mentioned it to begin with. But I felt I needed to bring it up but because of his reaction I don't want to bring that night up any further. I think I going to rip up the town with the girls that night and ignore how I'm feeling about his evening with the peelers.

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Originally Posted by WordSiren

He is sort of obligated to do the stripper thing considering he is the best man and in charge of planning the stag , the other 20 or so men are all about the "Right of Passage" stripper night so majority rules (I understand that). I spoke to him about the lap dancing thing and that was something I would definately be upset about and he told me that was out of the question and he was actually pissed off that I mentioned it to begin with. But I felt I needed to bring it up but because of his reaction I don't want to bring that night up any further. I think I going to rip up the town with the girls that night and ignore how I'm feeling about his evening with the peelers.

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Whatever works hon.

Thanks ohsohappy!!

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Originally Posted by WordSiren

thanks ohsohappy!!!!

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No problem girl, this is what the site is here for. So if you even need to complain about something, we're happy to discuss it and help you with it. It's helpful and anonymous so you can feel like you can be more open and people are giving their inputs objectively (most of the time) so it all works out. I hope you have a good time with the girls, and if your boyfriend is anything like mine you have absolutely nothing to worry about. :)

So what is your secret at being ohsohappy :)

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Originally Posted by WordSiren

So what is your secret at being ohsohappy :)

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There is no big secret, it's all in the way you perceive things. Sometimes I'm ohsohapp, other times I'm ohsocranky or ohsosad. Mostly I'm just ohsohuman. I just try to be positive and optimistic. Doesn't always work, but I make a valiant effort.

I'm going through the same thing right now. My boyfriend's friend is getting married and he's been invited to the stag. I'm sick just thinking about the fact there will either be stripper's there or skanky hostesses flashing their fake boobs at him. Funny how it's okay for women to be a stag's (as in girlfriends or wives) but they don't seem to care if sleazy women are there. I'm almost at the point of ending the relationship because I just can't deal with the way I feel. I don't care how trustworthy a guy has been, I still don't trust them because they behave differently when they are out drinking and with their friends. I've basically told him not to bother coming to my house after the stag because the thought of him being near me after he's been out near those whores makes me sick. I'm sorry I'm not much help because I'm going through the same sick feelings also. I've never trusted men and I never will.

Don't make your boyfriend pay for your own mistrust. That's not fair.