My Fiancee' has a drinking problem.He says he doesn't have a problem. He starts drinking sometimes at 8am or 11am.he drinks all day everyday. I have children and I do not want them to see him kill himself.He is a wonderful,loving and caring man.He's my Best Friend! I want him with me for the next 30 or more years,but I know he is killing himself.I told him I was leaving him. So he has agreed to drink 3 a day now and on the weekends drink as much as he wants and start when he wants.Is this a start? Or am I setting myself up for a fall? I love him more then I have ever loved a man.I don't want to loose him to alcohol or our relationship going bad.What can I do to make sure he does follow through with this?He will not go seek help. I don't want to loose him.He is my dream come true.But he tells me to accept him for him. I don't understand it I can't when I see him drunk all the time. Please give me some advice..

You need to get some help in dealing with his alcholism. AA provides assistance to partners of alcoholics. Perhaps you can start there.

Sadly, the only person that can stop your BF drinking is him. Why does he drink so much during the day? Is he unemployed? The drinking must be filling something inside him that he wants to numb - what is it?

It sounds as if he needs to get active and fill his life with something meaningful - can you work together on that?

If he's your best friend then talk to him. Tell him that it really upsets you to see him drunk. Tell him you're concerned for his health. Tell him he has to stop - not drink less and as much as he wants at the w/end - tell him you can't compromise, and you won't see him drink himself to death.

In the end he will have to choose - his family or the bottle.

Alcohol affects the alcoholic in an entirely different way than it does a non-alcoholic person. Everything you say, everything he feels for you is less important that alcohol. Sad, but true. I'm not judging you or him. I've just been there.

All the bargaining and controlled drinking he can come up with, if it lets alcohol into his body, will fail. As much as you two love one another, booze is king. It will continue to run all of your lives until he stops, completely.

Google THIQ which is a substance found in the bodies of alcoholics and addicts. It was first described in conjunction with heroin addiction.

If you really want to stick it out, attend several al-anon meetings and get support. This is a group of people who live with alcoholics and get together to talk about it. Al-anon can be found in the phone book.

Your first priority is to your children. You don't say if he is the father of any of your children. I hope you are not living with him because if you are, you are already exposing your children to watching him drink himself to death. How much time does his drinking take from your quality time with your children?

You say he is your dream come true. My response to that is that I hope you have better dreams from now on!

Al-anon has meetings for family and friends of alcoholics to offer each other support in trying to cope with having an alcoholic in their lives.

I hope you don't choose to marry a man that has active alcoholism. I don't understand how you could choose an alcoholic for a step father to your children any more than I would understand you choosing a drug addict to be your child's step father.

1. no he is no really trying, admitting he has a problem is always the only first step

2. no, while cutting back to 3 a day, is better but all he wants on weekends is stupid, that is no life style choice at all. And of course he will do 3 day, then 4 sometimes, and 5 if he forgets.

Do you want your kids to grow up thinking this is OK behavior ?
He needs to get professonal help and quit, he has a serious problem.

If he was a dream come true, you wouldn't have this problem with him. Seek housing elsewhere. His brain has been pickled for too long. He will not remember what he said to you ten minutes after he said it. Stop being selfish and think of the children first.

Having been married to a drunk for 7 years, I tried the whole "would you agree to cutting your consumption down to 4 days a week". He readily agreed and then I would find bottles hidden. When I finally divorced him and moved out of state, I found Al-Anon to be the best program to help those of us who have lived with a drunk/addict. He told you he doesn't want help. Pretty darn honest of him.

I live with an alcoholic as well when I first started dating him it was fine he hid it very well and I grew more in love with him as for the way he treated me so well then he just got worse making excuses why he did it and then he has violent rages and breaks the whole house up I have a daughter from a previous relationship and he scares her so much all the time with the yelling fighting and breaking things. I don't know why I stay I just feel bad and I dwell on the relationship we had and the love we used to have it's not only alcohol its cocain also he has a daughter too and she see's this as well I feel so insecure that I can't leave cause I think I love him so much but he can't possibly love me if he choses his drink over me and it doesn't help that he has 3 friends that are all alcholics too I guess misery loves company I think I need a shrink to try to convunce me to leave him I really want to but I'm just afraid to lose someone I love

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Originally Posted by lava1234

i live with an alcoholic as well when i first started dating him it was fine he hid it very well and i grew more in love with him as for the way he treated me so well then he just got worse making excuses why he did it and then he has violent rages and breaks the whole house up i have a daughter from a previous relationship and he scares her so much all the time with the yelling fighting and breaking things. i don't know why i stay i just feel bad and i dwell on the relationship we had and the love we used to have it's not only alcohol its cocain also he has a daughter too and she see's this as well i feel so insecure that i can't leave cause i think i love him so much but he can't possibly love me if he choses his drink over me and it doesnt help that he has 3 friends that are all alcholics too i guess misery loves company i think i need a shrink to try to convunce me to leave him i really want to but im just afraid to lose somone i love

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He's already chosen his "mistress" and her name is alcohol. You can never compete with that type of mistress. You would be doing yourself a favor if you woke up and smelled the coffee with this guy. You can't possibly love this guy. He sounds more like a habit than real love. Please get away from him and start living your life without him.

Al-Anon. It's free. It's confidential and it's exactly the type of assistance you need. There you will find many others living or having lived under similar circumstances. They will tell you how they handled it. There is also Alateen that can bring some clarity to your daughters life. Regardless of your feelings and reluctance you must consider the effect this is having on her. Here is the number to get started:

1-888-425-2666 Monday through Friday, 8:00am to 6:00pm ET

They will provide you with a list of meetings near you.