My daugther was married to a child molester. As her mother, I knew something about him wasn't right and as time went by he began to drive a cab so he could have the opportunity to bait children. He and my daugther have four children and at the time my daugther had an older daugther who was disable and he molested her along with children of my daugthers girl friends. This behavior went on for years. When he tried molesting my baby daugther, my husband and I addressed it and this caused an alteraction. As time went by, he continue to molest other kids. My daugther claims she never was aware because he would do this while she was at work or sleep. Then one day at his house one of the teenage girls became angry and called her mother who came over. A fight ensued between him and the mother, the police was called and he went to jail for six years. When he got out, he couldn't stay from around his kids and went back to jail and has been in jail a year. My daugther contine to get in dysfunctional relationship as pysical since then where the male beat on her children. I have done everything humanly possible to help her, but she won't help herself. My daugther is a twin from a rape when I was 19 in the custody of my brother who would not allow me to report it because no one believed me. I have had much therapy since then and currently a recovering addict. I believe dysfunction is passed down through generations. How can I help my daugther recognize the patterns of dysfunction.

You can't make anybody do anything - unfortunately. You must protect your Grandchildren from your daughter's boyfriends/husbands.

That should be your first concern.

If your daughter refuses help there is little you can do.

What an awful story. It must make you very sad to see what is happening to your daughter.

I don't think that there is any way we can MAKE another person see something, if they don't want to see it.

You might suggest to your daughter that she seek professional counseling, or you might gently point out that there is a negative pattern in the men she is attracted to. What sort of relationship does she have with her twin? Perhaps they can intervene.

Your daughter's children will be the ones that need help as they get older - getting them some assistance may prompt their mother to also seek help.

And when you went to court to get custody of your grandkids because of all of this, what has happened.

I would assume you tried to protect your grandkids

You are right this cycle of dysfunction will just continue and even spread further as it seems you have been aware longer than the police.

Are the grandchildren being counseled?
Was your daughter made aware of her heritage growing up?
Where was her counseling, as the child of a rape victim?

This situation has been YEARS in the making and will take many more years to repair, if possible.

Is there someone stable in the family where your grandchildren can go? As a recovering addict, I am unsure of your ability to handle the stress of intervening. Are there other options?