I’ve been dating a really nice guy for the last two months and am pretty sure I’m pregnant, but have no idea how to tell him.

Here’s a little bit of history. Five years ago, his wife left him and moved in with another guy. They were separated and we started hanging out together. It wasn’t a physical relationship, because technically he was still married, but we did kiss one night. Anyway, she ended up wanting him back, and he said he would give their marriage a chance. Right after she moved back in he found out she was pregnant. DNA tests later confirmed that it was his baby. They also had another child. The kids are now 2 and 4, and he and his ex’s divorced in September.

We started seeing each other again in November. We live in different cities, but see each other pretty much every other week. He has his kids about 90% of the time. They agreed not to introduce their children to people they’re dating until they’ve been with that person for 6 months. I think that’s a smart idea. I know he’s exhausted and a little overwhelmed having to do it on his own, so I try to give him space and make our time together light and fun. I really like him a lot and never wanted to add any drama to his life. The last thing he needs right now is another kid. At the same time, I’m 38 years old, have never had children, and wonder if this might be my only chance to have one.

I found out I was pregnant Thursday night and lost my job Friday morning. I have no idea how I can even afford to have a baby at this point and although I have a very supportive family, don’t want to burden them.

We’re supposed to go on a Mardi Gras trip in two weeks and his mom, sister, and a lot of his other relatives are joining us. I’ve met his sister once, don’t know his mom, and his cousin’s wife who is also coming has never liked me. I’m afraid if they find out before we go, they’ll all think I’m trying to “trap” him. I’m tempted to wait until after the trip, but am afraid if I’m not drinking people will figure it out and he’ll be mad that I didn’t tell him sooner.

I’m afraid telling him will ruin the relationship, but don’t know if it’s ever okay to keep a pregnancy from the father. I’m considering having an abortion, but think I’d have a really hard time afterwards. I had one when I was 18 and have always wondered “what if.”

Thank you for taking the tine to read this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

The most horrible thing you can do is to keep the pregnancy from the father. Even if you are considering abortion the father should have a say in it. So you got to tell him. Having a baby could be the best thing in one's life so I strongly advised against abortion.

Tell the father. Then you should discuss it!

Agreed. I think that it would be the best to tell him, but also tell him about how it is making you feel.

Sex=Babies

I know I need to tell him, it's just I don't know when or how. I was on birth control and never thought this would happen. The timing couldn't be worse.

I think you should bite the bullet and tell him asap as in,guessing you are in the US, tomorrow.

Also start looking for a new job and seek the support of your family.

I can't advice you whether to seek a termination,as you must decide that for yourself, I can only add that bringing up my child is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life.
All my sympathy -its a tough situation.

Thanks for your advice. I told him on Wednesday night. He said he can't imagine having another child right now, would really prefer that I got an abortion but would be a supportive father if I had it, even though it would probably mean having to sell his house. He said if I got an abortion he'd insist on going with(we'd have to travel out of state) and that he would go to counseling afterwards if I needed to. I don't know if I can handle the guilt/what if's of an abortion but still don't know how I can raise a baby on my own with no job/money.

Believe me, you wouldn't want an abortion. You would spend the rest of your life regretting it.

I don't think abortion is right. But that's just my opinion. I think its like taking away life. Even if they're still in the womb.

No matter what your choice, you need to discuss it with the babies father first.

Were you on the pill, using other birth control, if the answer is no, then it should not be that big a surprise to him

I was on the pill. For years I'd taken the birth control shot. I wish I'd stayed on it and never switched.

Nothing is 100% when it comes to preventing babies from being made, except abstinence

For sure see your doctor to confirm the pregnancy, and work this out together. There is no reason to sell his house, and raising a child is what we humans do, so don't get carried away by fear.

Tell your parents, it's their grandchild after all, and they will be willing to help, and even though they may be shocked, and not happy by the circumstances, at first. I think they will be a big help, and support. That's what you will need.

Of course he wants an abortion, that's a quick easy solution. But think long, and hard about it, and don't make a decision based on just fear, or feelings, as this is a life changing event.

This is where your parents, especially MOM can give you guidance, and counsel

Thank you Talaniman for your words of advice. I really do appreciate it. I think he thinks he'd have to sell his house because he already has two children and couldn't afford the child support and that particular house. You're right about abortion being a quick easy solution. I think he's just overwhelmed caring for his kids, while still healing from his divorce. I wonder though, where he'll be mentally and emotionally in September. That's when I'm due. (It took me about 4 years to get over my divorce.) My pregnancy has been confirmed, but my doctor hasn't been able to confirm viability. I have a second blood test today to see if my HCG numbers have gone up.

Life and reality are always testing us, and we have to deal with it. No one can predict the future, but all we can do is make our decisions and be ready to deal with whatever life throws at us. Tomorrow, and in September.

Focus on what can be done now, and let September come at its own pace.

In everyone's life you come up against hardtimes and good times.

If you want to have the baby,you can,your 38,you're a mature women and have a few experiences under your belt,it's a long life with more 'what ifs'.

He sounds like a good guy,he's doing the best he can,and the likely hood of another child is probably daunting,he's a parent and knows what he would need to do...

At the end of the day,you both have to live with the decision.

So worried, don't have an abortion, if he is willing to support you. Even if he isn't, at 38 there is always a way you can support that child. Talk to your family, I am sure they will be supportive of you.

I think I'm just a little freaked out because I just lost my job. I was making decent money and had good insurance. I don't want to keep my pregnancy from a new employer, but doubt anyone is going to want to hire me knowing that I'd need to take time off in the fall and possibly sooner if I have any complications.

Why don't you sit down and write everything out.

All the pro and cons.

At least if you can see it written down you can make a plan.

I find once I have a plan I can make decisions.

Be honest in your list and take everything into consideration.

If I was in his shoes I would break-up with you and did everything in my power to keep you and that baby away from my children. The last thing that man needs is another kid.

*remember this is just me and I am not here to bring you down , but only to prepare you for what it may come*

Maybe he is a carrying guy and he loves you.

Well, I guess I should be glad it was him and not you.