Dear Kotex,

I recently noticed that the peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a
Bunch of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it. Annoying advice such as:

Staying active during your period can relieve cramps.
Avoiding caffeine may help reduce cramps and headaches.
Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you hydrated and feeling fresh.
Try Kotex blah blah blah other products...

Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never
Possessed a functioning set of ovaries. Tell a
Menstruating woman that drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help
Keep her feeling fresh. Like we need more fluid inside our bloated
Bodies from hell... but go ahead... I triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya...
See what happens and report back. I'll wait.

While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work and remove the
Chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-damn-tee you that the
First responders will be females who just ovulated.

Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps... well guess what,
The only activities that interest me is eating.. sleeping.. ing
Or crying for no apparent reason.. . and oh... does ripping someone's
Head off count as a friggen' activity??

Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine
Hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap
Like that from elderly relatives. Veteran females have already
Concocted their own recipes for survival, many containing alcohol & barbituates.

Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that
Was already purchased is just plain annoying, not to mention rude,
And is enough to send a girl running to the Always brand.

It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley
Faces or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the
Packaging. Put the crap in a plain brown wrapper so we can throw it
In our carts discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.

There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink package
Announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store. Why don't
You just add an in-store microphone to the damn package& announce
That... helloooo, another female in the store is on the rag!!

So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley
Faces and shove them right up your @$$!

P.S. How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of
Vodka to your packages instead? Might go a long way!

Respectfully,

Penny Marie Sampson (PMS)

Obviously a bad day at the office. You have my sympathies. On another point though, you are absolutely spot on about the amount of packaging that goes into products nowadays... alll in the name of making it look nice.

Regards
Colin ( a man allegedly)

Hey I Received This In An Email... I Didn't Write This

No probs, took it as a joke. Still find it funny. Reminds me of:

"A recent scientific survey found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle. For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged masculine features, and when she is menstruating she prefers a man, doused in petrol, scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump jammed up his a$$"

Live Long and Prosper

Haha That Was Funny!!

LOL, I loved it and as I speak or write I am copy and pasting to send to my funny friends.

Good... read The Other Ones That I Have Posted... they Are Just As Funny

I did and have already sent it out, I love jokes and laughing...

As Do I My Friend... as Do I